Discussion Topic

As a Spouse do you ever think, is this how I'm going to spend the rest of my life?

Posted on 05/21/08, 09:27 am
I love my husband with all my heart and I know that he isn't his OCD but sometimes I question whether or not I have the strength to do this for the rest of my life. Especially when the anxiety causes him to be withdrawn and verbally abusive.
Showing 1 - 10 of 33 Replies
  • Reply #1 05/24/08  9:22am
    the same thoughts are running through my head at this very instant!!! sometimes i just want to give up and get out, but what would i do? we have five kids, a great life, good friends.... he wants me to understand his disorder and change my ways and improve on my negatives to make him more "comfortable" or else life is hell. i do my best to not have 'CLUTTER' or 'piles', but honestly it is sometimes hard to keep up with all the paperwork from mail, school, doctors...... i am equally in despair, let me know if you want to talk..... i sure could!
  • Reply #2 05/24/08  10:25pm
    I have two wifes, the one I married and the one who has OCD. I don't want to start over, but My wife wants me to leave. I have two jobs, busting my as 7 days a week and my wife is worried if I lysol the door. She makes me take 5 to 6 showers a day when she is having a bad OCD Day.
    I'm here for you guys

    Hang in there.

  • Reply #3 10/26/08  9:33pm
    HELP!!! I just want to scream. My husband has OCD and I fear that this is how I will always have to live. I am at the point where it is not worth fighting with him, I just take 3 showers daily, wash my hands after touching anything, and don't cook. There are so many rules to follow. I'm so tired. I love him, but OCD is ruling both our lives and our marriage. My husband won't have sex with me in our home because this is "our clean space". HELP SOMEONE!
  • Reply #4 06/09/09  12:06pm
    I am shocked that all of you spouses/partners are going through all this anxiety. I thought I was the only one. Thank you for sharing the pain. Clean yourself, rules, no sex, no touching, no life...
    What are you guys doing? I am at my wits end too. I feel like I have become an obnoxious person because I would ridicule her and when that didn"t work I just accepted the ocd and gave up. I know when I give her an ultimatum she gives in a little bit and then we talk and she claims she needs to take baby steps. I have told her that the baby steps are not good enough anymore (it has been about 10 years). I was lucky that I found a job that requires me to live away during the week. It has helped my sanity, but at the cost of not seeing my children. Anyhow thanks for listening!
  • Reply #5 07/26/09  2:33pm
    I thought I was the only one! My husband is a great guy but his OCD prevents him from doing any housework, having sex more than once in a blue moon, & to top it off there is compulsive spending too! We also can't take any kind of vacation because he's anxious about the bathrooms in any where but expensive hotels. I feel ready to cry. Anyone offer any encouragement?? It would be much apprecieated. Keep smiling.
  • Reply #6 09/13/09  10:49pm
    Wow, I just stumbled by this group by chance and I am glad I have! I have been married for almost 10 years, and it took 6 until my husband finally went to the doctor and found out he had OCD. It is mainly OCPD but still has some OCD issues. Anyway, he started taking medicine, but went off whenever he thought it wasn't useful, or whatever. I have lived this many years, never feeling good enough, being the homemaker and mother of his children, but never living up to "his" standards. It has turned me into a ver indesisive person out of aniexty from his reactions. over the last 4 years he has even gone as far to doubt his love for me, apparently something due to his OCD, but it has caused me soo much pain. Not only could I never do anything right, I had given him soo much and he wasnt even sure he loved me. He has tried to pursue 3 other relationships while we have been married, and still has not taken his OCD serious, not even realizing what it has done to me, and our 3 children. We have seperated this last month, and I am soo burnt out. One of the things I really struggle with is the thought that if this somehow works out, it will always be about him, we will have to try to overcome this OCD for the rest of our lives. Even if he "owns" it, it will still be a struggle for me. I dont know if I can live like that anymore.
  • Reply #7 11/23/09  1:38pm
    I definitely feel your pain. My husband has so much OCD and anxiety and it's ruining my life. I try to be supportive and anticipate how he is going to react but the reality of every situation is that I wind up walking on eggshells around him at all times. I constantly feel like I want to go back in time and erase what happened earlier in the day so he won't react like he does. I do everything in our house including take care of our 20 month old son and it's running me down. Every time something bothers him he takes it out on me.
  • Reply #8 02/18/10  1:06am
    I'm brand-new to this site, and it is refreshing to read. My husband of 1 year and 4 months has OCD, but had not been verbally abusive until 6 months ago. He ruminates about our relationship and threateans to leave over innocuous things I may say about a TV program or if he sees my cat's fur on his clothes or about "my personality". He insists "it's not all my OCD", but has no explanation for his angry outbursts, which happen about every couple of weeks, other than saying that something I said "provoked him". His perception during his OCD spikes is distorted and he catastrophizes over the smallest annoyance that someone without OCD would laugh off or ignore. I know this is not him, per se, but his disorder, but our fragile new marriage is already feeling vaguely hopeless, especially since he keeps threatening divorce (!). He blames me for lack of more frequent sex, rather than the medicine he takes, which dampens his libido. Fortunately, he has a decent psychiatrist and a competent therapist who specializes in OCD and anxiety disorders. I married for a lifelong commitment. But, I never foresaw this developing in a million years. I did not see this anger while we were dating, and we went to therapy together before we married to make sure issues were addressed. Can anyone relate to my story?
  • Reply #9 04/09/10  4:42pm
    I honestly thought I was the only one out there! Thank God I found you guys. My husband has severe OCD and we have two small kids. I am at the end of my rope. We are married almost 10 years and I am exhausted! I know exactly how all of you feel. Have any of you read a book by Roy C.? It's called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder A survival Guide for Family and Friends. I am reading it now and I'm honestly scared. My husband is on meds, has a behaviorial therapist and just joined OCA (obsessive compulsive annonymous). Since joining the group, he has been working on issues that i was never involved in. frustrating for me. For the first time ever he seems motivated to make changes. I have made a decision to stick with him through this and see where it goes. IF he does not continue with the group and make progress I will leave. I cannot take the constant insane demands of this disease and I will NOT let it ruin my family! Hang in there everyone!!! Look within and follow your hearts. Please, Please keep in touch!
  • Reply #10 06/02/10  4:03pm
    I am so grateful to have found this group. I have been married to my husband for 11 years and known him for 14. He is finally dealing with the fact that he has OCD and so many things are finally making sense. I am overwhelmed and scared and angry. We have three small children and I am burned out and wondering how we are going to make it through this. He has confided some of his obsessive thoughts and they scare/disgust me!! Hoping to find some support online.

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Support group for family living or dealing with a family member with OCD. All is welcome into this community people with or without OCD. I dont understand everything My wife is going through and I need to know how to help her. PLEASE HELP ME.