Discussion Topic
Showing 7 Replies
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Reply #1 06/20/08 11:09pm
I trule do not feel like a survivor yet. I have my first followup on wednesday. I am scared and want to ignore it.... -
Reply #2 07/06/08 8:10pm
Yes...I have it...
I posted pics of my before and after pics...of 3 of my 5 skin cancer surgeries...my cancer are at the bottom of the totem pole of cancers,....in my opinion....there are much more deadly ones out there....and some great books have been written about survivor guilt....I will be fighting this for the rest of my life....always checking for a new spot... -
Reply #3 07/23/08 4:04pm
I have my first follow up with my Oncologist on Friday. I want to be tested for BRAC gene. Do not really know what to expect, can anyone want to share about waht to expect with these followups???? -
Reply #4 09/19/08 10:48pm
Sometimes I think about how I survived my battle with Leukemia and my mom lost her battle with Cancer. But then I remind myself that she is not suffering anymore. I HATE Cancer. I am not sure why some of us survior our battles, while others fight as much and still they loose theirs. But then I am not sure why Cancer has to be around at all. I guess it is not for me to know such answers. All I can do is make sure that I make my mom proud. -
Reply #5 09/20/08 12:25am
I have a lot of guilt...I see patients die from the same cancer I had & I wonder why them, why not me?!? But, I think that we need to learn to live every minute of our lives to the fullest...make our existence worth it! -
Reply #6 10/11/08 8:43am
I am a survivor of only 9 months. I had my last chemo in Jan. So far so good. I know, as you all do what is like to live with the fear of reoccurance. I do feel great however and go for my next check up next month. I do wonder why however, I have been saved (so far) and someone like one of my friends in the OVCA group had a reoccurace just a few months after her chemo. She is only 39 and has a 9 year old son. I am 63 and have grown children and grandchildren. So I do know the guilt, but at the same time I am very grateful. -
Reply #7 12/27/08 12:31am
I am a survivor..so why can't I pick up the pieces of my life and start it up where I left off? I feel so guilty at times..but why?
I met this girl who shared many of my symptoms and diagnosis. She was so positive that she would beat the odds..she got engaged, planned her wedding..never once let her illness become a stumbling block for her or her life goals. She remained in University. In mid-chemo she died from (they said) an asthma attack. She never had a history of asthma. I attended her funeral and saw the pain on her fiance's face. I witnessed the unbearable grief of her parents. My heart broke not only for the lives she had touched..but also the life I could not bring myself to allow into my own. The thought of knowing someone I loved so much could hurt in such a way..was inconceivable. I could not keep my parents, family or even my close friends from the pain..but I could keep him from it.
Ironic;; I survived when I was so certain that I would not.
I have held so much inside for the past 3 years..I have pushed away the very people who were (and still are) there for me. I don't talk about it (the cancer) to many people. Including my own Mother.
When I was little I would play hide-and-seek. I would close my eyes and believe that if I could not see you, you could not see me.
I took the same attitude with cancer. If I didn't admit it exsisted, it wasn't there.
I've asked myself the question many times, 'Why did she die when she was so positive about her survival..&& Why did I survive when I was so negative?'
Thanks to my Mom, I was able to realize that if my friend had given up..She would never have experiance all the joys of being a "normal, cancer free" girl. I put my life on hold. Someone likened me unto an ostridge..he was right.
I'm not so sure what I was trying to say or if I even had a point to make..But you asked if anybody wanted to talk about it. I think it's time I begin talking.
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As young adults, it is hard to redefine "normal" after going through cancer and treatment and now what.... LET'S TALK ABOUT IT!!!
