From Melody Beattie's daily reader "The Language of Letting Go": July 27th, "Letting Go"
"Stop trying so hard to control things. It is not our job to control people, outcomes, circumstances, life. Maybe in the past we couldn't trust and let things happen. But we can now. The way life is unfolding is good. Let it unfold.
Stop trying so hard to do better, be better, be more. Who we are and the way we do things is good enough for today.
Who we were and the way we did things yesterday was good enough for that day.
Ease up on ourselves. Let go. Stop trying so hard.
Today, I will let go. I will stop trying to control everything. I will stop trying to make myself be and do better, and I will let myself be."
This cannot be more concisely said I think. Control is a major symptom of the disease of addiction and to our disease of Compulsive Lying. All of us, in one form or another, have learned that we can control (or think we can control) others, outcomes, and even our own emotions, through the act of lying and manipulation.
A HUGE step in moving forward towards recovery is accepting the fact that can't change the fact that we've lied in our past. Like this reading says, the only thing we can do is accept ourselves as we are today, and let it go. Day by day, not let it go forever, but just for today, it's okay that I'm a liar, but I choose not to lie.
A slogan I learned in the AL-Anon 12 step program that's a favorite of mine is "Let Go, and Let God." Of course I know not all of us are spritual/religious, however I will share this because I think it's a big part of learning to accept and let go. The concept behind this slogan is a progression from Step 1, "We admitted we were powerless over lying, and that our lives had become unmanageable," and Step 2, "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
After we understand that as individuals it has not been possible to get better on our own, we seek help from any source outside ourselves, whether that be therapy, this group, another 12 step group, or some form of higher power (which in no means has to be a god of any kind.... i often think of my higher power as divine nature, especially when I am out in the woods), something inside us tells us we just can't do this by ourselves anymore. When we come to realize this, we are starting to let go of control over our lives.
When we truly learn to "Let Go, and Let God," (or some other Higher Power inserted here), we give ourselves permission to heal and move forward and not control everything anymore. Why? Because we don't have to. We can learn to be okay with how the cards of life fall, because that's what life is, unpredictable. We have no valid way of knowing what is in store for our future, or the future of others and therefore we can't control anything. It is out of our hands and we can stop expecting things to happen, whether we're excited or afraid. With no expectations, there's nothing to fear. Whatever happens will happens, and we never had the power to begin with to change it as much as we'd like to think we always did.