Discussion Topic
I can't accept myself like this
Posted on 10/02/09, 12:31 pm
In my family it was unexceptable to admit you had a mental illness. My father was a schizophrenic and it embarassed my mother when I becan showing signs of mental instability. She denied me help. I got pregnant at 15, she put me out. I started seeing a doctor and began taking meds for depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder. At the same time I always felt guilty for taking them, like it was admitting I was crazy, unstable, not normal. I hated myself for needing the meds to function in a normal way, why couldn't I just get over it. All the love I thought I was unworthy of giving myself I gave to my children. I would never make them feel about themselves the way my mother made me feel. I lost custody of my kids to my mother after a nervousbreakdown, it breaks my heart, I'm nothing without them, I lived for them not me. I really hate myself and I'm tired of it.
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Reply #1 10/02/09 1:09pm
Start living for yourself. Accept who you are in this world. -
Reply #2 10/02/09 2:59pm
I AGREE WITH STONEHEARTED. EXCEPT FOR ONE THING. DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN DO, AND PROVE TO EVERYONE THAT YOU CAN RAISE YOUR CHILDREN. I DON'T KNOW YOUR STORY, BUT AT LEAST DO YOU GET TO SEE THEM? HOW OLD ARE THEY? YOUR IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS AND THRENGTH. HUGS NAE' -
Reply #3 10/02/09 6:53pm
That is the part I am having the most trouble with. Living for myself. My kids ages 10,6, and 4 were my only family. My mother and I fell out right after I was diagnosed BP. Every few months she was sending DCS to my house saying "I was mentally, emotionally, and physically unable to take care of my kids. After 8 years of this and just with the progression of the disorder I had a nervous breakdown. My mother hired an attorney and he mopped the floor with me in front of the judge. Two years later I still can't bring myself out. I haven't seen my children since last Christmas and that was the only real time I have seen them since this has been going on. Please keep me in your prayers, that is so appreciated. It's just nice that people understand and are compassionate here. I don't have that in my life. -
Reply #4 10/02/09 7:11pm
YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS , PRAYERS AND STRENGTH. BUT IF I WAS YOU. I WOULD DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER, TO SHOW WHO EVER I HAVE TO SHOW THAT I AM ABLE AND CAPEABLE TO RAISE MY CHILDREN. THERE'S HAS TO BE SOME KIND OF PROGRAM OUT THERE TO WORK WITH YOU TO GET YOUR CHILDREN BACK. I WOULD FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL TO GET MY CHILDREN BACK. GOOD LUCK MY FRIEND. I'M HERE ANYTIME YOU NEED TO TALK OR VENT. HUGGS NAE' -
Reply #5 10/03/09 1:49am
I so agree with fibonae. Yes you have problems but you say that you gave your children all the love you never had from your mom and yet your beloved children are with a woman who will not love them as you do. Keep taking your medication and visit your doc regularly so there is a record of you managing your life and tell you dad about your father. Do you have a job and are you able to take care of yourself regarding housing and financies - build the foundation of someone who is working on her life so she can give her children the home and life they need. You say you haven't seen your children since last Xmas, surely you have visitation rights? You are entitled to visit your children even if it has to be under supervision - visit your kids and show that you love and care about them with regular visits and ignore your mom and any attitudes she may have towards you. If you really love your kids you will do everything you can to get them back. Hugs. -
Reply #6 10/03/09 1:50am
I meant "tell your doctor about your dad". -
Reply #7 10/03/09 11:33am
Ohhhh and remember if you need to be on medication, get with the program. Medication can be a life saver.... I know from 1st hand how important it is.
Medication.... -
Reply #8 11/03/09 7:06pm
I just got put on my second kind of depression pill and I hate it. It makes me feel like I am not in control of my own body and that I am nuts. I have always thought very low of myself, ( because of my child hood ) and so now having to take pills to help me cope with things isn't helping the way I feel about myself. I have always been the type that when things get ruff I would run. But now I am tired of running and plus to old for that. lol Latley I have been praying for God to take me home. I don't believe in taking your own life. My daughter moved in with her dad, and he hates me, now my daughter is keeping the grandchildren from me ( 5 months now ) and its killing me. I don't know what to do? She won't tex me back or answer her phone. I know her dad has alot to do with this. Everyone keeps telling me to just leave it alone and she will come around. Geeeeee that is soooo hard with the holidays coming up and I know I won't get to see my grandbabys. -
Reply #9 11/03/09 7:21pm
DON'T KNOW WHERE U LIVE. BUT CAN'T U GET GRANDPARENTS VISITATION?
I KNOW THAT SOME STATES HAVE IT. U HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SEE YOUR GRANBABYS!
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