supportplease

Why are people so mean?

Posted on 04/30/09, 09:42 am

I've come to realize that the thing that gets most in my way of happiness and keeping a positive attitude is the way people treat eachother.

From the kids at school who are nasty or leave out my kids, to my husband who walks away when I'm talking or sneers at me, to my own kids who are nasty and disrespectfrul, to my parents who have tried to make me into someone I'm not and have not accepted me for who I am (and feel free to voice their opinion of me but shut me up if I try and express myself to them), to my friends who are mostly interested in their own agenda.

I find that, because I am and have always been one who is giving and kind, that people disappoint me every day. Rarely if ever am I given the same respect or attention that I give to others.

I hate to say it, but I find the vast majority of people to be out for their own good and rarely take into account the feelings or needs of others.

How do you see this?

Do you agree or disagree?

Is there anything that I can do about this?

• Reply #1 04/30/09  11:28am
  
  emsinmanche...
  I understand what you mean about disappointment - my mother and previous counsellors have often told me that my niggest problem is my expectations of other people. Unfortunately I am now becming very bitter and turning into a bit of a meanie myself - which I am not proud of myself. I'm not sure whether you need ot be more discerning about who you to and whether that would make any difference - but I hope you stay nice and positive because of people like you change then the world really will be in trouble! I hope you don't let it bring you down too much, but you may have to adjust your expectations because most people really aren't and never will be as nice as you!
  
  Xems.
• Reply #2 05/04/09  3:22pm
  
  GetBackToSe...
  I totally agree with you. But I wont lie, sometimes Im mean and disrespectful. I am not proud of it,, its something I am trying to change. I think you have a very good quality, but dont let people walk over you. At times you do need to give them a dose of their own medicine to put them in their place. The people that get used are the ones who are overly giving and kind.
• Reply #3 05/22/09  11:58am
  
  StarliteRose
  I know you wrote this a month ago but I can totally relate. I just figured I'd let you know you're not the only one who feels that way!
  
  ..but I figure that if I'm a nice person (and you're a nice person) then there must be others out there as well (hiding from the meanies, haha.) Try not to let it change you--being a nice person is a wonderful quality. Just be very careful about letting your guard down around the people you already know are not going to return your kindness!
• Reply #4 09/16/09  2:32am
  
  Mary80
  Oh I know what you mean. My journal would show you instance after instance of times where my coworkers just destroyed me with no reason. And it's so maddening when people walk away when you are talking or just have that look that you know means they couldn't care less about what you say. My biggest peeve as of late is people lying straight to my face and thinking I'm so dumb that I won't figure out the lie.
  
  The thing I *love* (read sarcasm) is when the very same people who tear you down and treat you like crap then turn around and criticise you for not being a positive person or not being social enough etc.
  
  I don't know why people are mean, but it makes me think of a fable that kinda explains it.
  
  
  
  One day a scorpion came to a raging river. He couldn't cross it on his own and saw an otter about to make the journey, just a few feet from him on the shore.
  
  "Otter, I cannot swim and want to cross the river. Carry me on your back for the journey."
  
  Otter answered, "No, I cannot trust you. You are a Scorpion and will sting me if I let you on my back and kill me."
  
  "I promise not to do so Otter. If I killed you, I wouldn't be able to cross the river."
  
  Otter considered this and against his better judgement, allowed the scorpion to climb onto his slick back. When they were about halfway across, the scorpion struck, filling the otter with his poison.
  
  "Scorpion, why did you sting me? Now we will both drown!"
  
  Scorpion simply answered, "Because it's my nature."
  
  
• Reply #5 09/27/09  2:15am
  
  Ziporah
  Your story describes me to a T and it used to be that I would just withdraw from people and the world because I just got so hurt but reading "The Law of Garbage Trucks by David Pollay has changed how I deal with hurtful, unkind and negative people. David Pollay has his own website with this Law of Garbage Trucks on it but you can find it all over the internet. I've pasted a copy of the back of my kitchen door (my affirmation and quotes door) and every time I read it I feel better and when I come across meaness I no longer let it affect me.
  
  The Law of Garbage Trucks by David J. Pollay
  
  How often do you let other people�s nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? Unless you�re the Terminator, you�re probably set back on your heels. However, the mark of your success is how quickly you can refocus on what�s important in your life. Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. And I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here�s what happened.
  
  I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, the car skidded, the tires squealed, and at the very last moment our car stopped just one inch from the other car�s back-end.
  
  I couldn�t believe it. But then I couldn�t believe what happened next. The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. How do I know? Ask any New Yorker, some words in New York come with a special face. And for emphasis, he threw in a one finger salute, as if his words were not enough.
  
  But then here�s what really blew me away. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was friendly. So, I said, �Why did you just do that!? This guy could have killed us!� And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, �The Law of the Garbage Truck�.� He said:
  
  Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they�ll dump it on you.
  
  So when someone wants to dump on you, don�t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You�ll be happier.
  
  So I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the street? It was then that I said, �I don�t want their garbage and I�m not going to spread it anymore.�
  
  I began to see Garbage Trucks. Like in the movie �The Sixth Sense,� the little boy said, �I see Dead People.� Well now �I see Garbage Trucks.� I see the load they�re carrying. I see them coming to dump it. And like my taxi driver, I don�t take it personally; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.
  
  One of my favorite football players of all time is Walter Payton. Every day on the football field, after being tackled, he would jump up as quickly as he hit the ground. He never dwelled on a hit. Payton was ready to make the next play his best. Over the years the best players from around the world in every sport have played this way: Tiger Woods, Nadia Comaneci, Muhammad Ali, Bjorn Borg, Chris Evert, Michael Jordan, and Pele are just some of those players. And the most inspiring leaders have lived this way: Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King.
  
  See, Roy Baumeister, a psychology researcher from Florida State University, found in his extensive research that you remember bad things more often than good things in your life. You store the bad memories more easily, and you recall them more frequently.
  
  So the odds are against you when a Garbage Truck comes your way. But when you follow The Law of the Garbage Truck�, you take back control of your life. You make room for the good by letting go of the bad.
  
  The best leaders know that they have to be ready for their next meeting. The best sales people know that they have to be ready for their next client. And the best parents know that they have to be ready to welcome their children home from school with hugs and kisses, no matter how many garbage trucks they might have faced that day. All of us know that we have to be fully present, and at our best for the people we care about.
  
  The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their lives.
  
  What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?
  
  Here�s my bet: You�ll be happier.
  
  
• Reply #6 10/29/09  2:23am
  
  WickedSmilie
  I have to agree with supportplease. Strangely, people whom we care and love the most often times can hurt us the most. We can help and encourage others, but in the end, can only change ourselves, not them.
  
  What I have discovered is that by removing myself from the people who can hurt me the most emotionally has helped me tremendously. I communicate or meet with them when i am emotionally ready; if it doesn't turn out well, I back away and try again a different day.
  
  I see that you have children and a husband which would be difficult to find time for yourself, but you must make the time because everyone needs time to heal. Surrounding yourself with what you can remember that makes you happy and doing the simple things that give you pleasure will eventually revive your positive outlook of life.

This is a group for people who struggle to accept and love themselves for who they are. I hope that members will share there real feelings and the postive ways in which they are starting to love themselves more