When Noah sailed the ocean blue,
He had his troubles same as you;
For days and days he drove the Ark,
Before he found a place to park!

Child: Mommy, may I go out to play?
Mother: Where you a good girl at church today?
Child: Yes, mother. A man offered me a big plate of money, and I very politely said, "No, thank you!"

Matthew: If Jesus were driving a car, what kind do you think it would be?
Mark: A Chrysler!

Luke: Where was Moses when the candle blew out?
John: In the dark?!

A big silver dollar and a little brown cent,
Rolling along together went;
Rolling along the smooth sidewalk,
When the dollar remarked, for dollars can talk:
"You poor little cent, you cheap tiny mite,
I am bigger than you and twice as bright.
I'm worth more than you by a hundredfold;
And written on me in letters bold
Is the motto drawn from the pious creed:
'In God We Trust,' which all may read."
"Yes, I know," said the cent,
"I'm a cheap little mite, and I know
I'm not big, nor good, nor bright,
And yet," said the cent,
With a meek little sigh,
"You don't go to church as often as I."

I luv these jokes!!!

west virginia ten commandments some people in west virginia have trouble with all those shall's and shall nots in the ten commandments folks just arent used to talking in those terms so some folks in west virginia got together and translated the king james into country language no joke read on the hillbilly ten commandments posted on the wall at first babtist church in summerville west virginia (1)just one god (2) put nothing before god (3) watch yer mouth (4) git yourself to sunday meetin (5) honor yer ma & pa (6) no killin (7) no foolin around with another fellows gal (8) don"t take what ain"t yers (9) no tellin tales or gossipin (10) don't be hankerin for yer buddys stuff

That was hilarious!!

These are great.. thanks.

These were real funny.Thankyou.

A KNOCK AT THE DOOR!

"A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners."

"At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door."

"When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."

"Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter."

"Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."

those are awesome!

The 23rd Psalm (with Confessions from a Computer User) - July 25, 2008>> "The Lord Is my Shepherd, I Shall Not Want."> But Lord, I do want. I want a [MacBook Air with an Intel Core 2 Duo > processor and a 64 GB solid-state drive]. I want a better job with more > pay and a nicer boss. I want a spouse that understands me, kids that > listen to me and a friend that I can talk to. Lord, I do want....>> "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures, He leadth me beside still > waters. He restoreth my soul."> Well, that sounds nice, but who has time to lie around in a field > somewhere. Surely there are other ways to restore my soul. Perhaps I could > download this restoreth stuff from the internet. At 24,000 BPS, You could > restore me in no time.>> "He leads me in the paths of righteousness, For His name's sake."> Now I think I understand. I can be Restored by editing my Config.sys to > set up my path to look into the righteousness subdirectory. Then I can > execute the download...>> "Yea, Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death."> Hold on right there. Seems like Your map is a little off. How can the > paths of righteousness, lead me into the valley of death? The restoring > part sounded pretty good but this shadow of death stuff isn't exactly what > I had bargained for...>> "I shall fear no evil, for Thou art with me. Thy rod and Thy staff, they > comfort me."> But I do fear evil. I fear my health might fail, I might lose my job. If I > keep working the hours I've been lately, I might lose my wife. I guess > You're right, with fears like these, I must already be in the valley of > the shadow. Perhaps some of the comfort I need could be found by those > still waters after all. God, You know how stubborn I am. If its necessary, > use that rod and staff, to point me in the right direction.>> "In the presence of mine enemies, Thou preparest a table before me. Thou > hast anointed my head with oil. My cup overflows."> Wow, overflows? Really? When You restore, You must really do it right. And > even in the presence of my enemies, boy that will make them jealous... Oh, > sorry, I guess they need some of this comfort too. Perhaps that's where > some of my overflow needs to flow to. (And by the way, my hair is already > a little too oily, so go easy on that part if You would.)>> "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. And I > shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen."> Lord, I do want. And I do fear. And I don't like mine enemies. And I'm > scared of the valley of death. But my prayer is that You would replace all > these with the knowledge that Your goodness, and Your mercy, and Your > grace, are with me forever. And starting even now, I can live in Your > presence forever. Thanks, and Amen.>> Contributed by Ellis Bush (All Rights Reserved)> 74357.246@compuserve.com>> ******************************************> For more info about the most important event of all time:> http://dailywisdom.com/dw_static/dw-level2.html> or email, mailto:dw-follow-up@gospelcom.net> ******************************************> You are subscribed to this list as: niclevas49@hotmail.com> To unsubscribe, mailto:dw-unsubscribe@lists.gospelcom.net> To subscribe, mailto:dw-subscribe@lists.gospelcom.net> To support DW: http://dailywisdom.com/dw_static/donate.html>> Today's 1Liner: http://dailywisdom.gospelcom.net/dw_static/quotes.html>> DW is designed & edited by Warren Kramer http://www.warrenkramer.com/>>>>>>>>>>

Have a fast connection and want

there is no edit on this so sorry I had added a little more of the email than I intended please disregard thanks -joy

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine."

Book of Proverbs (chapter 17, verse 2, King James Version)