A Laughter Club Community Group
We would like to invite you to join our group! A Laughter Club is for people who understand just how serious a matter humor is to one's survival and even to one's success in life. We share jokes, riddles, short stories, and other laughter-provoking thoughts. We have one simple rule: If you wouldn't say it to a child because it contains inappropriate...
Cows
Question: Why do cows wear bells?
Answer: Because their horns don't work!
Question: What has four legs and makes the sound, "Oom, oom"?
Answer: A cow walking backwards!
Question: What do you call a cow that does not give milk?
Answer: An udder failure! (utter)
Question: What do you call a cow with no legs?
Answer: Ground beef!
Question: Why was the farmer riding a cow?
Answer: Because his pig was in the shop!
Pigs
Question: What do you call a kosher hog?
Answer: A Harley! (motorbike)
Little Pig: Hey, there!
Big Pig: Hay, hey? Hay is for horses - Aren't you glad we're pigs?!
Chickens
Question: Why did the chicken cross the street?
Answer: To get away from Colonel Sanders!
Question: Why did the baby cross the street?
Answer: Because it was stapled to the chicken!
Question: What goes quack-quack-cluck, quack-quack-cluck?
Answer: A chicken that thinks its a duck!
Question: Why does the chicken coup have only two doors?
Answer: Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan!
Question: What kind of eggs do chickens lay during earthquakes?
Answer: Scrambled!
Frogs
Question: What is white on the outside, green on the inside, and hops?
Answer: A frog sandwich!
Question: Why are frogs always so happy?
Answer: Because they just eat whatever bugs them!
More to come...
Heard any good animal jokes lately?
Question: Why do cows wear bells?
Answer: Because their horns don't work!
Question: What has four legs and makes the sound, "Oom, oom"?
Answer: A cow walking backwards!
Question: What do you call a cow that does not give milk?
Answer: An udder failure! (utter)
Question: What do you call a cow with no legs?
Answer: Ground beef!
Question: Why was the farmer riding a cow?
Answer: Because his pig was in the shop!
Pigs
Question: What do you call a kosher hog?
Answer: A Harley! (motorbike)
Little Pig: Hey, there!
Big Pig: Hay, hey? Hay is for horses - Aren't you glad we're pigs?!
Chickens
Question: Why did the chicken cross the street?
Answer: To get away from Colonel Sanders!
Question: Why did the baby cross the street?
Answer: Because it was stapled to the chicken!
Question: What goes quack-quack-cluck, quack-quack-cluck?
Answer: A chicken that thinks its a duck!
Question: Why does the chicken coup have only two doors?
Answer: Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan!
Question: What kind of eggs do chickens lay during earthquakes?
Answer: Scrambled!
Frogs
Question: What is white on the outside, green on the inside, and hops?
Answer: A frog sandwich!
Question: Why are frogs always so happy?
Answer: Because they just eat whatever bugs them!
More to come...
Heard any good animal jokes lately?
Question: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Answer: Unique up on it! (You sneak...)
Question: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Answer: The tame way! (same)
Question: How do you catch a regular rabbit?
Answer: Hide behind a bush and make a sound like a carrot. When a rabbit comes along looking for a carrot, jump out from behind the bush and grab the rabbit. (Caution: Do not attempt this if you are not a trained professional rabbiteer! (rabbit ear))
Turtles
Question: Why did the turtle cross the street?
Answer: To get to the Shell Station! (petro/gas station)
So, how 'bout you - heard any good animal jokes lately? Care to share?
A number of racehorses are in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 16 races, I've won eight of them!" Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been eavesdropping. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."
Question: What has six eyes but cannot see?
Answer: Three blind mice!
Observation: If you give a mouse a cookie, he's gonna want a glass of milk.
"Tiny" replies the man.
"Why's that?" asks the bartender.
"Because he's my newt!"
Question: What do you call a big white animal that's shaped like a tooth?
Answer: A molar bear!
What does a spider do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall!
What kind of noise annoys an oyster?
A noisy noise annoys an oyster!
A duck walks into a store, walks up to the cosmetics counter, and picks out a stick of lip gloss. The clerk says, "Will that be cash or credit?" "Neither," says the duck, "Just put it on my bill!"
Question: What kind of elephant does Santa Claus have?
Answer: An elfaphant! (a rather small elephant)
Cats (Big Cats & Small Cats)
Question: Why are there so few casinos in Africa?
Answer: Because there are too many cheetahs! (cheaters)
Question: What did the leopard say to the tiger?
Answer: I'm not lion! (lyin'/lying)
Question: What kind of bird can write?
Answer: A pen-guin!
Question: What does an eight-hundred pound gorilla eat?
Answer: Anything it wants to! (possibly including you and me!)
"It was so hot today...I saw a dog chasing a cat...and they were both walking!" -Jack Benny.
Question: How do you stop a rooster from crowing early in the morning?
Answer: You eat him the night before!
Answer: Because they are full of antibodies!
There are two snakes in a tree and the first snake says to the other one:
"Are we the type of snakes that kill by wrapping ourselves around a body, cracking ribs and forcing the creature to stop breathing, or are we the type that kills by poisoning with our fangs?"
The second snake replies: "We're the cracking ribs type."
Then the first snake says: "Thank goodness! I just bit my lip!!!"