“Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”

-Charles M. Schulz

Australia Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/12459578

“If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.”

-Mark Twain

Mark Twain Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/7840608

Farmers Fred and Luke were fishing on the side of the road. They made a sign saying "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car.

One driver that passed didn't appreciate the sign and shouted, "Leave us alone you religious nuts!"

All of a sudden they heard a big splash.

Fred grinned at Luke. "Do you think we should just put up a sign that says: 'Bridge Out' instead?"

“Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice.”

-Robert Frost

“The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

“I decline to accept the end of man.”

-William Faulkner

Always remember: “But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.”

-Jesus Christ, recorded in the Book of Matthew, chapter 24, verse 36

How We Would Know The End Of The World Is Coming:
-New trendy baby name: "Nostradamus”
-Beelzebub will be cutting deals like crazy
-In all the stores: "This Week Only — End-of-the-World Sale!"

“Due to cutbacks the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.”

-sign hanging in office at Mt. Sinai Hospital, New York, 1995

Just thought I'd throw that one in here. Don't ask me why because I don't know.

When the End of the World Arrives, How Will the Media Report It?
-The New York Times: "God says world to end tomorrow; story and analysis on page B11."
-The Wall Street Journal: "God says world to end tomorrow; market to close early"
-USA Today: "IT'S OVER!"
-The Washington Post: "God says world to end tomorrow; women and minorities hardest hit."
-Business Week: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS
-Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE
-Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER
-Wired: THE LAST NEW THING
-Readers Digest: 'BYE
-Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?
-Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!
-America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.
-Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE
-Microsoft's Web Site: IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE.

Ode To End Timers

Fanatics are trying to fend
With this concept: the world’s gonna end.
When portentous predictions
Turn out to be fictions,
They re-do their math and amend.

-Madeleine Begun Kane

Limericks
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/4541752

The following pretty well sums it all up:

If you are planting a tree or teaching a child, and someone comes along and says, “The world is ending, the world is ending!” first finish planting the tree or teaching the child, and then go look into the matter of the world ending. Prioritize!

Cheer up – it’s not the end of the world! And if by chance you have something funny to add, please do so!

These are really good Beaumont! But I cannot help but jump into this topic as well:


A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, ” We will all die some day, and none of us really know when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event.”

Everybody shook their heads in agreement with this comment.

Then the leader said to the group, “What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life remaining before your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?”

A gentleman said, ” I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives.”

“Very good!” ,said the group leader, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.

One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically, “I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction.”

“That”s wonderful!” the group leader commented, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.

But one gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly and said, “I would go to my mother-in-laws house for the 4 weeks.”

Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader asked, “Why your mother-in-law’s home?”

“Because that will make it the longest 4 weeks of my life!”

Source: http://www.myhyena.com/2011/05/20/funny-end-of-the-world-jokes/

Super! :-)