Discussion Topic
Glad I'm not alone..
Posted on 04/18/09, 06:48 pm
Hi Everyone,
I recently joined DS a few days ago and could not stop reading all of the stories because for the first time since our infertility began, I feel normal again. Each time I heard of someone getting pregnant by accident or whatever reason made me cry or angry or bitter..you get the idea. Although family and friends try to comfort you (with the statements that don't make you feel good that we've all heard), you still feel crappy, at least I do. From the stories I've read, all the thoughts that I"ve felt are normal and expected for someone going through this journey. So thank you to all of you who have been candid and honest about your experiences. You have helped me feel normal and give me hope that one day I will be a Mom too. :)
My husband and have been married for about a year and a half and have tried to conceive (is it TTC?) for about a year using the natural way. We have done the initial testing and found that he is normal but it's me with the issues. Believe it has to do with my age. I'm still new with all of the lingo but my ovulation reserve is low and my follicle count is also low. The first doctor we saw said that if I get pregnant, I had a high change of miscarrying which totally took the wind out of sails. He felt that a donor egg would give us better results. My mouth just dropped and I was depressed all day. Even if the chances for me to get pregnant are next to nothing, I still have to try with my own eggs. My husband is totally against it too. But I still want to try on my own and even if it happens and I do miscarry which I know will be painful then I know that I tried and we can move on to next step.
I ended up getting a second opinion who took the time to re-explain the results of the first doctor and although the results didn't change, it was the way he presented them that took back our hope. So now, I am going in for outpatient surgery to have several fibroids removed which I'm being told is the first step for us before we can start with the ovulating drugs. I'm scared about the surgery. The last time I had surgery was pulling my wisdom teeth in my teenage years. I know that I need to get this done but I'm still scared. I wish my Mom was here (she passed away a year before we got married). I don't have any sisters, just lots of brothers and they don't know about my surgery. I told my sister-in-law whom I'm close to and although she mentioned it to my brother, he said absolutely nothing. I mentioned it another brother and his wife over Easter and they both said nothing. No words of encouragement at all. I was very hurt by it all. It turns out that my sister-in-law's younger sister became pregnant through IVF and they didn't want to say anything to me because she hadn't hit her first trimester yet. I had a dream about my sister-in-law's sister getting pregnant and asked her about it on Easter, she confirmed it was true and then asked me what was up with me. And that's when I told them that I had to have surgery. I felt that she just asked about my situation because I had asked about her sister. Needless to say, I had a meltdown that night and was emotional the next couple of days. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that her sister is pregnant especially because she and her husband have been trying for 8 yrs. I'm just hurt that my brother did not have the courtesy of calling to tell me especially knowing that we have had issues. And if he wasn't comfortable, then his wife should've picked up the phone. To top it off, my nephew and his girlfriend/fiance are having their first baby girl next month after 'accidentally' finding out in the fall. Since I live out of state, I haven't been around to see her belly grow but saw them on Easter Sunday. Although I had been dreading this, I actually did really well and was proud that I didn't lose it. With respect to my family's lack of support, I feel they should now that I'm going in for surgery and they should know that my husband and I are having infertility issues. Just don't know how to tell them. Would welcome any suggestions out there...and thank you for letting me vent. :)
I recently joined DS a few days ago and could not stop reading all of the stories because for the first time since our infertility began, I feel normal again. Each time I heard of someone getting pregnant by accident or whatever reason made me cry or angry or bitter..you get the idea. Although family and friends try to comfort you (with the statements that don't make you feel good that we've all heard), you still feel crappy, at least I do. From the stories I've read, all the thoughts that I"ve felt are normal and expected for someone going through this journey. So thank you to all of you who have been candid and honest about your experiences. You have helped me feel normal and give me hope that one day I will be a Mom too. :)
My husband and have been married for about a year and a half and have tried to conceive (is it TTC?) for about a year using the natural way. We have done the initial testing and found that he is normal but it's me with the issues. Believe it has to do with my age. I'm still new with all of the lingo but my ovulation reserve is low and my follicle count is also low. The first doctor we saw said that if I get pregnant, I had a high change of miscarrying which totally took the wind out of sails. He felt that a donor egg would give us better results. My mouth just dropped and I was depressed all day. Even if the chances for me to get pregnant are next to nothing, I still have to try with my own eggs. My husband is totally against it too. But I still want to try on my own and even if it happens and I do miscarry which I know will be painful then I know that I tried and we can move on to next step.
I ended up getting a second opinion who took the time to re-explain the results of the first doctor and although the results didn't change, it was the way he presented them that took back our hope. So now, I am going in for outpatient surgery to have several fibroids removed which I'm being told is the first step for us before we can start with the ovulating drugs. I'm scared about the surgery. The last time I had surgery was pulling my wisdom teeth in my teenage years. I know that I need to get this done but I'm still scared. I wish my Mom was here (she passed away a year before we got married). I don't have any sisters, just lots of brothers and they don't know about my surgery. I told my sister-in-law whom I'm close to and although she mentioned it to my brother, he said absolutely nothing. I mentioned it another brother and his wife over Easter and they both said nothing. No words of encouragement at all. I was very hurt by it all. It turns out that my sister-in-law's younger sister became pregnant through IVF and they didn't want to say anything to me because she hadn't hit her first trimester yet. I had a dream about my sister-in-law's sister getting pregnant and asked her about it on Easter, she confirmed it was true and then asked me what was up with me. And that's when I told them that I had to have surgery. I felt that she just asked about my situation because I had asked about her sister. Needless to say, I had a meltdown that night and was emotional the next couple of days. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that her sister is pregnant especially because she and her husband have been trying for 8 yrs. I'm just hurt that my brother did not have the courtesy of calling to tell me especially knowing that we have had issues. And if he wasn't comfortable, then his wife should've picked up the phone. To top it off, my nephew and his girlfriend/fiance are having their first baby girl next month after 'accidentally' finding out in the fall. Since I live out of state, I haven't been around to see her belly grow but saw them on Easter Sunday. Although I had been dreading this, I actually did really well and was proud that I didn't lose it. With respect to my family's lack of support, I feel they should now that I'm going in for surgery and they should know that my husband and I are having infertility issues. Just don't know how to tell them. Would welcome any suggestions out there...and thank you for letting me vent. :)
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Reply #1 05/06/09 5:48pm
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Reply #2 05/15/09 2:45pm
I'm right there with ya. I am BRAND new to all of this. For over a year now I have had those same bitter feelings toward friends and family of those who have had kids (when they weren't on their agenda). What I would give for a little one to love and hold! I am almost 21 years old. Many of my friends already have children, and by taking my age group into consideration, majority of these children were 'by accident'. It horrifies me, upsets me, and makes me feel so alone. If only it could 'accidentally' happen to me. I would be the happiest woman on Earth. -
Reply #3 05/20/09 8:46am
Hi Florianna!
Reading your story reminds me a lot of myself.
I'm going to invite you as a friend and when you go into my info, you can read my story too.
Like you, I find it hard to talk to people about this, and I'm finding this site really helpful and full of inspiration!
I'm not sure if I have any eggs either... I find out on Monday what the situation is. Like you, I want to try everything to have my own eggs...
I feel really sad that I might have to go with a donor- but I will try everything before we go down that road.
I used to feel the same way as you, when I saw pregnant mothers or heard of unexpected pregnancies... It's still hard, but I make myself think of all the good things in my life and how lucky I am with other things.
My favourite quote recently, is "Don't measure your success by someone else's. You don't know what their battle is".
Everyone has a battle. This one is ours.
Keep in touch! -
Reply #4 05/26/09 12:24am
Thank you for all of your uplifting words! Will keep you in my prayers. Although it's difficult at times, try stay hopeful.
SperanzaFede, thank you for reminding me what i preach to my husband: Don't measure your success by someone else's. You don't know what their battle is". I always say something similar, "Everyone has their own cross to carry but each cross may weigh differently. This is our cross. -
Reply #5 06/03/09 7:35pm
I am having a similar situation with the family thing. I have been open with my parents and told my sister about 2 weeks ago. She has no response. I am trying to figure out if she is concerned that she will no longer be in the spotlight, if she doesn't know what to say or if she thinks I will have complications like her friend's sister?
I am going *keep your fingers crossed* tomorrow for my transfer! My retrieval Monday contained 7 eggs, 6 mature and 5 that fertilized. I have read a lot of stories since we started this infertility track in April - all scary me but as you have said "Don't measure your success by someone else's." This is so true.
I just keep praying to God and St Gerard and I know that in 9 months or so I will be a mom. -
Reply #6 06/05/09 8:26pm
I'm starting to think that most people just don't know what to say. Infertility is so new but not a topic that is spoken of outwardly. Give them time to digest it all. When they're ready, they'll open up. But for your own sake, be around positive people because what we are going through is emotional as it is. Surround yourself with those that are supportive throughout this journey and bring you encouragement.
That is wonderful news about your retrieval. I hope it went well. Keep us posted. We'll be praying for you. :) -
Reply #7 06/17/09 8:15pm
Positive has been the attitude. I thoroughly enjoyed the time off and acupuncture. We got a BFP on Monday and the beta numbers are going well. We have a scan on 6/29 to read the number of sacks.
As for my sister, when we told my family Monday, she was very happy. Kidded about having another one herself but keeps trying to give us her son. Can't figure her out. We love our nephew and can't wait to have our own. BTW - my dad keeps kidding about multiples. He thinks he saw one of our transplants "splitting" as he says. He's delirious.
Good luck to everyone. Hope I can help as many people as I had help me. -
Reply #8 06/20/09 9:09am
I have heard so many great things about acupuncture that i finally made an appt. Really looking forward to it.
That is great news about your BFP! So happy for you! Glad things worked out with your family. I ended up telling my family days before my surgery and now they all know so they ask now and then how things are going. It's been a big relief because now it's out in the open and we can all talk about it. I now have the support that I really needed.
Good luck on the 29th! I will be keeping good thoughts for more than one sack! :) -
Reply #9 09/24/09 5:19pm
I have felt so alone since me and my boyfriend started trying 2 years ago. I thought it would just happen, and it didn't. . . Then I would hear of an old friend accidently getting pregnant and I couldn't understand why its happening to all these people that don't want or aren't ready when I would give anything to be a mommy! Our next door neighbors have 4 children under 5 years of age and sometimes when I see her playing with her kids I just break down and cry. Glad im not alone.
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