My Best Friend....Posted on 07/28/08, 02:44 pm
She and her husband stopped by on Sat. to help me with our hottub on the way to her sister-in-laws. She told me she thinks she is pregnant! She is a nurse, so I know she understands what she is feeling and what is going on with her body, so I dont doubt her one bit. She has only been trying for a couple of months now. When she made this comment to me, I acted soo suprised and excited for her, but behind that fake front I was hurt, angry, pissed off, and over all jealous. How could she do this to me? How could I be mad? Why cant I be happy for her? *Her husband isnt the greatest of people, but she is* I tried soo hard not to cry when she was sitting across from me telling the person next to me her symptoms. I couldnt hear anything except my heart beat, and the sounds of it breaking. I swallowed hard the said I was leaving for the pool supply store. Thank goodness I got outta there! I called DF and he said not to let it set me back, If she is pregg I will fall apart!!!!! I am not sure how it would affect me if I got pregg first, I prob would be able to be happy for her? How do you get through this?How am I going to try and be happy for her if she is and not want to be ten feet near her? How do I deal with the fact my very best friend cannot have me for support because it will kill me to help her out. What do you do when your best friend gets pregnant and you cant? How do you support one through somthing you , yourself is trying so hard to do? It is easy on here to chat with the girls who have belly's ! (yay! Go Jamie) But it is even harder when you have to sit across the table from them and listen to them on the phone and think she didnt even have to take one single pill. On Daily Strength I can turn it off and on when I need to, she is going to wonder why i havent called and call me, she is going to posts things on myspace, she is going to see me in the grocery store, she is going to come over for diffrent things and invite me to all of hers....... I need to be there for her, but i just dont know if I can........
Reply #1 07/28/08 5:06pm
Im SO SORRY!!!! I felt like this when my SIL announced her third pregnancy. Last fourth of July they announced they were gonna start trying. We had already been trying for close to 2 years by then. Now a year later they are about to have their baby boy. It is so umbelievably hard to have them drag me into the finished nursery. It breaks my heart. I know they are incredible parents but I want it so bad. I have just had to grin and bear it and be there for her. I threw her baby shower. I will be the one they call when she goes into labor. I will be the one that watches their two girls. I will be the one that calls everyone with the news. I will be the one who brings the girls in to see their new baby brother. I just pray that God will put peace in my heart and help me be a good sister to my family. Since she is such a good friend, I would just be honest with her. I know it hurts so bad but you know if the roles were reversed you would want to know. Don't give up on good friendship. I always have to remember that they didnt do THIS to me. They deserve their family without me making them feel bad. Be there with her. She is going to need her BF. Enjoy this pregnancy with her. I ask my SIL and my BF Jamie :) questions constantly about their pg and the baby. I kinda live thru them. It helps me keep my sanity. Just know that God is there with you and you will be a mom someday! Hold it together girl and fake that smile LOL. I do it constantly.
Reply #2 07/28/08 5:30pm
As someone who has been right there in the slump with you with IF I can seriously relate to what each and everyone of you are going thru! I know that pain, I lived that pain, I cried that pain, and I still feel that pain! It will never go away! That aching in my heart is still very fresh! I once felt alone until I met these incredible women, and if it werent for Amber and others "holding my hand" I dont think emotionaly I could have made it!
When I did make it thru I was scared to tell my dear friend! I was afraid I was going to lose one gift from God for another! I truly believe God brought me and Amber together for a reason, and I was so afraid with me being prego I would lose her! I have lost one friend I made going thru this journey, I think it is too difficult for her to talk with me, and that really hurts but I know she is hurting too!!!
If I didnt have Amber I dont think I could make it thru the day! Tho I am prego she keeps me sane! So many different emotions, feelings physically are going on right now and she is with me 100%...As I am for her!!!
When I know she is down it is my goal to make her smile, tho I cannot see it, I have to rely on what she tells me! When something is not right I want to hold her hand and cry too!
She is the kind of friends that come once in a life time! And I am there for her to fight the IF battle in any way, shape, or form...
I know my gain hurts her, I would feel the same way if it were reversed! But In ways she needs me and I truly need her!
Reply #3 08/06/08 12:54pm
When my cousin got pregnant (twins) I was okay because she had had problems before that. But when both SILs got pregnant within a few months of each other, I felt hurt and betrayed. I felt like they did it on purpose. (I'm still not convinced it wasn't. If you knew them, you'd understand) I made it. You will too. I have faith in you. Just take it one day at a time.
Reply #4 08/10/08 7:02am
When my DF sister had her 3rd abortion last year because she just cant be bothered being careful, I cried in secret cos she doesnt know we have been trying. Then 6 months later she told me was pregnant again. And thought she mite keep this one. I supported her at the time but I cried for 3 days. She is now almost 7 months pregnant and her family are oooing and ahhing although they dont approve of her partner or her situation and non eof them know of our years of struggle cos I dont want anyone to know, except you guys of course.
I have avoided her as often as possible cos I still cant cope, but soon I will have to get over it and support her cos she will be my sister in law soon and I will be an aunty. Thats what I keep looking at to keep me sane.
Reply #5 08/10/08 12:54pm
Although you want to be there for her, you also have to remember to take care of yourself. If you need to take some time apart from her to sort through how you can deal with IF and still be the kind of supportive friend you want to be, do that! I am guessing she would much rather have you be truly supportive, even if that means she has to wait a little bit. If you two are that close, perhaps you could explain it to her a little so she doesn't wonder why you haven't called or stopped by.
I understand how you feel, as 10 out of about 30 coworkers have gotten pregnant in the 14 months DH and I have been trying. I have felt jealousy, anger, hurt, frustration, and other strong emotions. Eventually, I found that I just had to distance myself from some of them, even though we are friends outside of work, or I would melt down and start to feel even worse about myself/our situation.
Hopefully you'll be able to sort out your feelings to decide how you can be there for your friend while still taking care of yourself.
Reply #6 08/14/08 11:39am
I know how you feel. Exactly. I got pregant and told my best friend that her and her husband needed to start trying. They did and then i misscarried. Now I have to see her all the time and think would i look like her? Would i be having a baby shower this weekend? It sucks 100% sucks. Its hard and not fair. She knows the pain of my infertility issues and is so so suportive. SOme days are better than others and one the bad days I stay away. We belong to a community group where i was the first pregnant girl now there are 4 prenant ladies. It sucks and i may not be able to continue to go with every passing month getting harder and harder. I feel your pain. I am to the point where i am more pissed that sad now. It has beeb so long i dont feel sads im just mad cause none of it is far.
Reply #7 08/14/08 1:45pm
I'm SO SORRY,,, I know exactly what do you mean. My cousin's wife got pregnant shortly after they got married last year and their baby shower is tomorrow (Monday 08/15). She wants me to go very earlt to help with organizing the party.. she told me from day one of her pregnancy that she was a birth condtrol and after she stopped it directly she became pregnant, and I've been trying to get pregnant for 16 months and nothing yet. I feel so lonely especially that every time we see this couple they never stop saying stories about how she feel after becoming pregnant and they don't say a sentence without mentionning that's because she is pregnant, which makes me feel so hurt..I want to be happy for both of them, but I can't there's something hurting me deep inside and this thing has nothing to do with them, it's all me. I feel totally lacking peace in my heart. I wish I could be more peaceful than now.. I do want to be happy for them, but I can't, I think I'll be fine may be sometime away from my cousin and his wife will help to deal with this new situation.. You too take a gateaway short vacation deal with this new situation so when you come back, you'll be ready to be there for your BF.. Good Luck with you..
Reply #8 08/16/08 6:16am
My goodness we are all in the same situation. I have found that distance helps my sanity but its never going to be easy. But Iam sure it will by sure make us stronger...
Reply #9 08/19/08 4:34am
i wish there was a good, fail-proof answer to this question.
the conflict of emotions is the hardest part for me...
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