Oh honey, I am so sorry.
He sounds like he has a lot of issues, but is being extremely selfish nonetheless. Think long and hard about wanting to marry him. You 2 are supposed to be in the stage where everything is still new. I remained married to my H, because I believe marriage is forever. I doubt I would do the same if we were not married. If he is cheating on you now, don't you worry about what he will do years down the road? Trust me, my H and I have worked through a lot, but the doubts will always be there. I know you love him, but I just want to encourage you to think long and hard about this one. He also seems reluctant to commit.
And remember, you are a very beautiful young woman who seems very intelligent and sweet. What he does is not a reflection of who you are. It's all on him, and don't begin to carry that burden. He clearly doesn't see what he has.
To be frank, he is being a jerk, and you don't deserve this treatment, as he does not deserve you.
Discussion Topic
I need help please!!!
Posted on 07/14/09, 03:38 pm
My boyfriend is a soldier in the U.S. army and i have always been the supportive army girlfriend. Always faithful, always true. I've turned my life upside down for this man. I even skipped out and left school a week before finals to be with him while he was having his leg amputated. I would do anything for this man and he knows it. he's always told me he's so in love and that he needs me and talks about our future and kids and how i'm the most gorgeous woman he's been with...but i just found out he's cheated multiple times while he's been home and away. I think it'd be easier on me if it had just been drunken sex but he actually went on dates with other women too. Each time his stories didn't add up and i called him out he made me feel so horrible for doubting him but now i know i was right. I don't know where to go from here. He confessed and left me then came back begging the next day saying he wanted me to move to where he was to be with him till he's out of the army. The next day he told me he didn't want that. The day after he said he wanted me to move there for a couple months and then today he's saying he doesn't want me to move at all. He's also put our plans to move in together when he gets home on hold. He keeps jerking me around but HE'S the one who cheated. How come I'M the only one willing to do anything to make this work. He still says he's in love and WANTS to marry me but says it's not a definite. Someone PLEASE help me!! I can't figure him out! I know him and i know the man he CAN be. I've seen it first hand. I feel like a big part of what he did is because of issues he has from war. He lost his leg and i think he feels like he's damaged goods and wants to know he's still got it. He said himself he's addicted to the chase but says he won't cheat anymore but so kindly added if he ever wanted to have sex with someone else he would leave. Since when did sex with other women become more validating than sex with a gorgeous woman who's faithful to only him and would stand by him through ANYTHING!!
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Reply #1 07/14/09 6:30pm
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Reply #2 07/14/09 11:26pm
You being married will not stop the cheating.
Also is is soooo easy to cheat in the military. They send our spouse to school or TDY, give them apartments or hotels cars to drive. Plus per deim money that they can use on the other woman.
My husband cheated 3 times and I would have left him if I had caught him, I didn't find out about them until 3 years after the last.
The barrick sluts run amuck...they lay behind a rovolving door and just fluff their pillow before the next guy comes in.
What better way to have an affair, oh not to mention the spouse or the girlfriends are miles away, so far away there is not a chance in the world of them being caught.
PLEASE think long and hard about staying with him. Now that he knows you know, If he EVER cheats on you again, you need to leave. If he can chat again on you seeing the hurt and destruction he has caused, you need to find someone out their with a moral compass. -
Reply #3 07/19/09 8:14pm
I found out my husband was cheating on me.. he actually had a "girlfriend" for 8 months. We were only for 4 months when I found this out. His stories didn't add up many times and I wish I would have listened to my gut all of those times before I actually went and married him.
I am divorcing him... I won't stand for someone who cheats. It's unfair and cruel. Do not let him blame you for anything that he has done!!! Remember you are worth the BEST and you should never settle for less... There is more out there, this isn't the "best you'll ever have". -
Reply #4 07/20/09 4:24am
YIKES this man has got some wires loose. What an emotional roller coaster. I know exactly how you feel. I dont know how to help you here. but check out the song by katy perri called hot and cold. He is hurting and he is trying to push you away by hurting you. it sounds to me like he is trying to test you. the question is for how long and why does he feel the need to. There is nothing wrong with you. He has changed though the drama. as for the cheating i cannot explain this to you. i dont know the answer myself. my only suggestion is to give him the chase he wants. let him know that you are beautiful and loyal but that you will not be treated this way. if he wants you he is going to have to work and keep you. you are no bodies lap dog.
Now if only i could follow my own advice. part of me wants to tell you that if you love him stay with him and the other part says whats the point of making yourself unhappy. You can not make others happy but you can make yourself happy. perhaps he will see it and climb on board.
Just remember
you are strong
you are worth it
you deserve respect
you are in control of your life
I am with you
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Reply #5 08/12/09 11:27am
I too stayed with my H because I feel like marriage is forever... better or worse... I can't say that I would have put myself through all the heartache and stayed if we weren't married. I would have told him where to go and how fast to get there.
The problem he has is not with you, it is within himself and you cannot fix that, nor can you compromise who you are or what you believe waiting around to see if he will fix himself. A very wise person once told me... "Never make someone a priority that makes you an option." Take care of yourself, put yourself first. You deserve to be happy. -
Reply #6 09/22/09 4:12am
We that are married and feel strongly about what we said at the alter. Are here to tell you to stop and evaluate your situation carefully. At least you are getting a first hand look at the man that you will be dealing with. The picture is not a good one. Don't do it, he is not serious. You are worth more then broken promises! We must value ourselves. If it hurts you now and your not married, it will hurt even more when you are. Please don't believe all the excusses for his inablity to be faithful to you. A man can be faithful to one women, he just chooses not to. Take a deep breath, and walk away! Love should not hurt!!! Let it be an experience that you can learn from. You can do it!
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