Discussion Topic
Ashamed of my Army husband...
Posted on 09/14/08, 11:53 am
I have always been the supportive Army wife, I have always had a house full of guys & gals in our home for the holidays that had no where to go, When ever my husband was gone either stationed somewhere else or on "TDY" I had always sent goodie boxes for EVERYONE!!! I would fight for the Army when some civilan idoit would slam it, But now that I know what my husband has done I am so ashamed. I tell myself thank goodness he didn't have to go off to war, because he is not the kind of man that can keep our Country safe. He is a liar & cheater and thinks only of himself. How can some one like that protect us? The few the proud. Yes there are some but not my husband. Since I found out about his 3 affairs while in the Army I have cut the Army out of our life, my husband wont talk about it because I get pissed, now he had in over 23 years so that's pretty much all he really knows. I won't allow him to display any thing connected to his Army life. Everywhere we had been stationed I have destroyed alot of the thing. I want no memories. I feel terrible because I know my husband is not the Army... I guess the saying..An Army of one, is so true in my case. My husband being the one, everything was about him :-(
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Reply #1 09/14/08 12:36pm
I will say, my hubby is an awesome soldier: fast tracker, leader, many awards, and can take control of any dire situation regarding combat. HOWEVER, the Army taught him how to be a good soldier, not a good husband. Before we married, all my friends asked me if I was sure about marrying a military man, because "you know how the are," meaning womanizing cheaters. I summed it up to a bad stereotype, but now I am not so sure. I suppose they are stereotypes for a reason! -
Reply #2 09/14/08 1:07pm
You know you are right...My husband was pretty high rank, got the awards, medals ECT... I guess he was a good soilder, NOT A GOOD HUSAND.I need to focus on that. -
Reply #3 09/14/08 11:15pm
Amazingly Tman was a better husband as a soldier (army) than not...it's like he really was clear on the value of his family...he even did a tour in Korea early on in our marriage and he never strayed...he was only in for the first 6 years of our marriage but now that I look back I wish he had stayed in...
I get what you mean though...I take triggers very seriously and I get rid of them hard and fast...sadly there are some that will take time to get rid of.
Hugs! T -
Reply #4 09/15/08 9:11pm
Tearful I am the same way. Right around his affair I had a party and hosted this candle party show. I love Partylite candles. This is a long story so I'll make it brief...I asked him to do some things and fix little things around the house and help me clean up...he didn't do it and I gave him a 1 month notice to help! But he didn't because he was screwing another woman! So I have been buying Partylite candles and accesories for over 8 years. I took down all of my collection, stopped burning candles, and now I am going to sell them all on ebay! Now when I walk in each room, I do feel a little calmer and it doesn't trigger me to get pissed. But when I see a damn Scion on the road I get really pissed or even a Toyota because Scion is made by Toyota because that's the car they screwed in. Ok I'm going to stop now because I'm really getting myself all mad and I don't want to ruin a perfectly good day. I'm here for you if you ever need someone to talk to! *hugs*
Helen -
Reply #5 09/16/08 8:50am
Yeah I can understand that sentiment. I am so looking forward to getting away from here and living somewhere normal for once. After putting up with so much crap for so many years it really is a reminder. I hope I never have to come back here again.
I don't think any of that honor crap means anything to most of the folks in. It's a job like any other, except it's a pretty crappy one that doesn't pay all that well. Most of the people that make careers of it do so because the can't get a better job. -
Reply #6 09/16/08 10:55am
Ihave to disagree with the comment about those who make careers out of the service not being able to get a better job. That's insulting on a few levels. My husband is holds a very high rank and 2 degrees. He also holds a Merchant Marine license and has sailed on it. He is more than able to get a better paying job, but ever since he was little he wanted to be a sailor and follow in the footsteps of his father and grandfather. He also holds a deep respect for this country and that is his driving force. -
Reply #7 09/16/08 10:09pm
Maggie, I agree with you too. It takes a smart person to stay long term. The ones that can't get a job on the outside are the ones that complain about going on deployment, because that wasn't suppose to happen when the enlisted, and what about the ones that have millions of kids because all the medical is FREE. But end up needing food stamps because they can't feed their million of children. Those are the ones that will not make it. I do know my husband did take care of his soliders and as srsnde made me see with a much needed slap in the face (OUCH!!)One can be a good solider but not a good husband. 23 years is a long time and my husband doesn't have to work if he doesn't want to, he's only 44yrs old so he has many years to do what ever it is he wants. -
Reply #8 09/17/08 10:09am
LOL tearful, sorry, I didn't realize I slapped you. Sometimes I have a way of putting things bluntly without realizing how it may come across. It's just how I roll. ;~)
I absolutely agree with you, Maggie and tearful. In regards to husband's service, I am proud of him. I do believe he saved some of his guys' lives, and does his job very well. It gets in trouble at times also, because he is not going to take some ridiculous orders that could harm his men, or worse, get them killed. He is willing to take the punishment or the "bitching out" for it. He is willing to bruise an ego if it means keeping his guys safe. He has a love/hate relationship with his career (and it is a career to him, NOT a job), because it means being away from me, but he is damn good at it.
Listen to me, I am all jumping to his defense; I suppose I really am proud of him and still do have great amounts of respect and love for him. If he can just get his shit together regarding our marriage and stay away from (as tearful says) barrack sluts and the Internet dating crap, he can be the perfect husband I married. Well, almost perfect. -
Reply #9 09/17/08 9:02pm
srsnde...Isn't love grand !!! LOL -
Reply #10 09/18/08 7:20am
Ah sorry if I insulted you Maggie. I spent four years in the service and ten as a spouse and there were certainly a lot of great people I met who could have done better elsewhere. In my experiences overall they are in the minority.
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