I'll start.
It doesn't have to be "perfect"
Discussion Topic
November & December
Posted on 11/02/09, 06:57 am
The holidays are coming. There is so much pressure to have "the perfect holiday". Any suggestions on how to cope with it all while we still have time to think about it? Is it possible to avoid the stress before it starts? I know there's a lot of wisdom out there ... please take the time to share with those of us who could use the help.
Even just one thought may help someone.
Even just one thought may help someone.
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Reply #1 11/02/09 6:59am
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Reply #2 11/03/09 1:04pm
You're absolutely right, Janvier. It does not have to be "perfect". It is also good to remember the "why" of the holidays, too.
Thanksgiving, a decidedly American holiday that has been adopted by various other countries, is not about turkeys, hams, yams, dressing, cranberries, silver serving platters, crystal, the good china, tablecloths, place settings, parades, gathering all the family together, or football. It is about giving thanks for what we have and the blessings we have received. I know it can be difficult to see the blessings sometimes, but they are always there. Thanksgiving is a good time and reason to take a few minutes to focus on the good aspects of our lives, even if we feel they are only a tiny part.
The December celebrations, regardless of what religion you may subscribe to, all have the common thread of celebrating the good in humanity. Christmas has been so commercialized. It has become all about Santa, presents, parties (drinking), giving the best gift, spending the right amount of money, dressing in the appropriate fashion, having the prettiest tree, having the best decorated house and yard, and a host of other trappings that have nothing to do with the true meaning of the holidays. By holidays, I don't mean just the Christian holiday of Christmas, but all the various celebrations that occur in the December time frame. In truth, Christmas is the baby of all the celebrations, no pun intended.
The common thread of all the December celebrations is peace, love, joy, generousity, caring for others, living in your heart, compassion, and forgiveness. In older times the crops were harvested, the ground was frozen and could not be planted, the days were short and cold, the nights were long and colder. Families gathered around the hearth for warmth. It was a time of mending; both in the external world of tools, equipment, and clothes, and in the internal world of one's heart and soul, of the interconnections of the family. -
Reply #3 11/03/09 4:12pm
thanks taowalker...good thoughts -
Reply #4 11/03/09 7:55pm
I guess for myself I really no longer stress out about holidays. It use to be I would spend my day going to all my different relatives events now a days I just do what I feel I find will be most peaceful to me and make me happy. Sometimes that means I simply stay home in my jammies cook my favorite foods and watch those great old holiday movies all day long. I no longer feel guilty about what people think and I no longer care if they understand my ways or not. I see it this way if they care about me there is no need to question me just accept me for who I am as that is how I treat others. It took some me some time to pluck up the courage to say thank you for the invite but I just can't make it or if it was a duty they wanted me to do I would politely say sorry no can do.
That was the best move I ever did because now I am still invited but I am told if you can make it we would love to have you if not have a happy holiday. That pretty much eliminated a lot of stress for me and took the guilt away as well. It also took all that unnecessary pressure away so going to events now are much more enjoyable to me as I am not obligated to do anything but just show up. In the past when I was under all that tension I never did enjoy myself and ya know if you are not happy it definitely shows to other people around you so I figured well heck this is just no good at all plus it takes away what the holiday is all about so I decided to change how I do things. Now a days I simply decide where and what I will do and I feel family and friends are just happy to have my company no strings attached and that is the way I like it.
I am not saying what I did will work for everyone but I do know a person has to make some changes for themselves so they can feel better about the holidays the hard part is taking that step and making those changes once you do though things are ever so much better:) -
Reply #5 11/04/09 2:05pm
it's just another day... whatever anyone says.. thats all.. I go to Church and get on with all the things i normally do.. i like to have my routine, it helps a lot.. of course, what also helps is all the lovely traditional things too.. But thats how i cope.. its another 24 hours, night and day, same as any other. XXXXX -
Reply #6 11/04/09 6:23pm
The actual day itself is not a problem. We stay home all comfy & cozy & exchange inexpensive gifts. I also enjoy a lot of the traditions...holly & ivy & logs in the fire & a few sparkly decorations etc.
The problem is the pressure from some extended family members who have a tendency to go over-board & not just for one day but the whole of December. It's hard trying not to hurt people's feelings.
I want to enjoy the season without getting caught up in the frenzy. -
Reply #7 11/05/09 9:50am
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Oh the holiday season.... Yikes!! Always a HUGE stresser for me. too many obligations, parties, visits with friends and family, shopping, decorating, and all the rest. It is overwhelming for me. I am SOOO not ready for this.
I really want to ask my husband if we can tone it down this year. With all the added stuff we have going on now, I am not sure that I can handle the "usual holiday season".
I am hopeful that he will say yes. Maybe just a simple Christmas tree. No a whole house of decorations or a yard full of animation.
I am hoping for a quiet day with family (at THEIR home) and then home to be peaceful at MY home.
I am hoping to meet friends at a restaurant so no one has to "cook and clean".
Want to pare down the gift list... people will just have to understand.
Simplifying my life. That is my goal... -
Reply #8 11/05/09 9:01pm
Oh Janvier, so sorry that you have such effusive people.. I know other people who take it as a compliment. but for us it is hard.. I cut out all things that were too much for me, including visitors or visiting.. People were offended in the beginning, but gradually over the years, its worked out fine..XXX -
Reply #9 11/09/09 1:00pm
My observations are that people who try to fill the holidays with all the external trappings are actually trying to fill a void within themselves. But they don't realize it is internal, or they have no idea how to go about addressing it, or they have tried organized religion to no avail, so they turn to the outside for solutions.
Too few people realize that all our answers lie within us, not without. -
Reply #10 11/09/09 1:40pm
taowalker, I agree with you. Your observations are true for me.
I think my problem is not knowing how to get out of some social events without hurting other people's feelings. It's a bit of a balancing act.
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