Discussion Topic
Husband wants WAY more sex
Posted on 10/03/09, 06:02 pm
Hi everyone,
I'm new to this whole idea of sharing my problems with the world, but this situation in my relationship has reached a limit, and I just don't know what else to do.. So here goes:
My husband, 28, and I, 27, have been married for just over a year, but have been together for almost 7 and living together pretty much the entire time. The sex itself is great. I guess my problem is my low libido vs his HIGH libido, and it's been causing more and more strain on our relationship.
Up until a month ago when I got laid off, I have been the breadwinner in our family. He has been starting his own business, so a majority of the responsibilities always fell on me, especially financially. I honestly felt like the man in our relationship, and I know that this affected how I saw him sexually. I felt like he was on a vacation, working when he wanted, comfortable that my job would allow him this luxury permanently. Then, he would expect me to come home and be all over him.
He's admitted to me in the past that he knew I always had a low libido, but that he thought our relationship was different. Like if he just kept pressuring, then I would come around. But the pressure made me that much more uninterested. Maybe it's my stubborn nature, but he probably would have been better off ignoring me. To get me going, he usually just grabs my boob or pokes me with his dick. It's annoying. When I've brought up adding a little foreplay, he reacts as if I'm trying to play games, or as if he's a dog trying to earn a treat. To me, his attempts at initiating sex come off as desperate and pathetic. But maybe I've driven him there.
Recently, I've considered that maybe he was a sex addict. Our continued attempts at discussing this matter only leads to more frustration and all out arguments. I feel as though he is impossible to please. At first he says he wants it "often". To me, that is a few times a week. So we do that, and the problem persists, and he is pressuring me to do it every day. This is a stretch for me. I can only give in to not wanting to do it so many times during the week. When a day goes by, he's irritable and hard to be around. NOT a turn on. Before we even get a chance, he's pissed and we're talking about it again.. for hours and hours and hours. Then I learn that he would really want to do it more than once a day. I'm frustrated because I just can't see the problem improving to his desired standard. The more we do it, the more he wants it, and the less I want it.
It's not like I'm so sexy that he can't get enough. I really feel like he's just that horny. He does try to bring up ideas to get me more involved, but I find it hard to participate. I try to talk dirty to him, but it feels lame and contrived. I feel like one problem is that since I have been supporting the 2 of us, while living in an expensive city, I rarely had the chance to be a young woman.. going out with girlfriends, or buying things that make me FEEL sexy, or even just going out and experiencing something new together. He thinks that we should experience life in the bedroom before we try to venture out. It's like I've lost that part of myself. I don't feel sexy anymore I just feel trapped with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
There is resentment and attitude at every turn. We can't seem to move forward in this discussion. Please help, I don't know how to turn this around.
I'm new to this whole idea of sharing my problems with the world, but this situation in my relationship has reached a limit, and I just don't know what else to do.. So here goes:
My husband, 28, and I, 27, have been married for just over a year, but have been together for almost 7 and living together pretty much the entire time. The sex itself is great. I guess my problem is my low libido vs his HIGH libido, and it's been causing more and more strain on our relationship.
Up until a month ago when I got laid off, I have been the breadwinner in our family. He has been starting his own business, so a majority of the responsibilities always fell on me, especially financially. I honestly felt like the man in our relationship, and I know that this affected how I saw him sexually. I felt like he was on a vacation, working when he wanted, comfortable that my job would allow him this luxury permanently. Then, he would expect me to come home and be all over him.
He's admitted to me in the past that he knew I always had a low libido, but that he thought our relationship was different. Like if he just kept pressuring, then I would come around. But the pressure made me that much more uninterested. Maybe it's my stubborn nature, but he probably would have been better off ignoring me. To get me going, he usually just grabs my boob or pokes me with his dick. It's annoying. When I've brought up adding a little foreplay, he reacts as if I'm trying to play games, or as if he's a dog trying to earn a treat. To me, his attempts at initiating sex come off as desperate and pathetic. But maybe I've driven him there.
Recently, I've considered that maybe he was a sex addict. Our continued attempts at discussing this matter only leads to more frustration and all out arguments. I feel as though he is impossible to please. At first he says he wants it "often". To me, that is a few times a week. So we do that, and the problem persists, and he is pressuring me to do it every day. This is a stretch for me. I can only give in to not wanting to do it so many times during the week. When a day goes by, he's irritable and hard to be around. NOT a turn on. Before we even get a chance, he's pissed and we're talking about it again.. for hours and hours and hours. Then I learn that he would really want to do it more than once a day. I'm frustrated because I just can't see the problem improving to his desired standard. The more we do it, the more he wants it, and the less I want it.
It's not like I'm so sexy that he can't get enough. I really feel like he's just that horny. He does try to bring up ideas to get me more involved, but I find it hard to participate. I try to talk dirty to him, but it feels lame and contrived. I feel like one problem is that since I have been supporting the 2 of us, while living in an expensive city, I rarely had the chance to be a young woman.. going out with girlfriends, or buying things that make me FEEL sexy, or even just going out and experiencing something new together. He thinks that we should experience life in the bedroom before we try to venture out. It's like I've lost that part of myself. I don't feel sexy anymore I just feel trapped with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
There is resentment and attitude at every turn. We can't seem to move forward in this discussion. Please help, I don't know how to turn this around.
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Reply #1 10/09/09 3:25pm
You have been the breadwinner most of your marriage and this alone could put a damper on how you feel in this relationship. It is right that the more sex he has the more he wants. I am the same way but I don't get it several times a week though. He needs to think about your needs to and stop pushing you to have sex because this is only going to drive you away from it. He probably don't know that much about turning a woman on with foreplay so that is why he wants to go straight to the prize. You need to try to get him to either talk to you and meet you half way or to get counseling. I would just tell him that you will have sex so many times a week and that is all so don't bug me about it. I would also tell him that hs is going to start listening to your wants and needs or he might be having sex a lot less. -
Reply #2 10/13/09 7:41pm
aria...I was in the same position (no pun intended) for quite some time. I have always worked whenever I can. Had my last job for 7 yrs, then got laid off last july. for 5 months I was outta work. My wife works when she "feels the need"...which puts not only a financial strain on us, but makes me feel the way you described, and feel like maybe I resent her a little for that? And she also has a very low libido....which makes things that much worse. I'm a guy, and I am just that horny too...which makes it almost unbearable. I mean, I find myself masturbating 3x a day sometimes....and there's been times during our 8 yrs together that we've gone 9 months without sex...I just can't do that! So I know how you feel!
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