yes jen,
there is a mafor difference. I need and really enjoy both. My husband needs both, but honestly fucking is the more essential to most men. As far as a BJ goes, I think most women who give this gift to their husband feel differently than the man does. For me its all passion, love and adoration...for men/my husband its like omg..how wonderful this feels..its more about sensation than emotion, inmho. It can unfortunately be the same with intercourse.
Intercourse at its root implies inimacy, two people in union...vs just the sex act itself. at times my husband & i were more emotionally distant, there was less intimacy...there was a space between (than you dave matthews band) With improvement of our relationship came more lovemaking and less fucking...but sometimes the fucking is amazing, more than ever.
It must be a real challenge relationship wise, not to mention sex wise to live separate shift lives. We have had to do that for childcare needs and are very glad that phase of life is behind us. Can this change? Just twice a week for most men just takes the edge off their physical need for release--if the edge was off maybe he would then enjoy the closeness you want, not feel pressured to provide it. I really believe men need the physical release to even begin to function emotionally.
Some of you may blast me for this but that is just my experience. For a some men, physical release has to come first, especially if unfulfilled for a time. Can you let him have his part and will he then take care of you...ya know what I mean. Maybe he will go for round 2 if he can get past round 1 a few times. After he's done ask for your needs to be met. Tell him exactly how, show him...
I know you have been thru a lot with the affair & everything...no marriage is simple, mine included. i can tell you the the concepts in this book (Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands) by Dr. Laura, especially about sex, really changed my life and our marriage for the better.
http://astore.amazon.com/drlaurabo...
Discussion Topic
Is there a difference?
Posted on 08/28/09, 02:19 pm
Would like to hear from both women and men on this one. Is making love and fucking the same thing? Do men consider it the same? Do we as women feel the difference? It is a topic that me and my h can not seem to meet eye to eye on. I understand that their will be times when your horny and either partner wants to go right into it. I have felt that way. But their are other times when I have missed my husbands touch that when I do please him with a bj I do it with great passion. My h works at night so we only gt two nights to be together. I would like it to be special. But it does not turn out that way. I gt discouraged and stop him in the middle of it. I can feel that he just wants to gt it over with, I can feel it in his touch, his lips. I have told him how i feel and how I would like to spend a nice night with him. I have expressed my feeling on how I feel about it because it has taken me a long while to rebuild after the affair. I want to feel special, like being with me is important to him. Perhaps I am making a big deal out of this. Am I asking to much? Is it the same thing? Because as a women I know the difference, I can feel the difference.
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Reply #1 08/28/09 9:02pm
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Reply #2 08/31/09 4:42pm
Yes, there is a difference. However, I'm wondering if you are confusing some concepts. You say you stop your husband during intercourse if you perceive he just wants to get it over with?
What do you mean by that? That he can't stand the sex and is not into it?
Or do you mean he is trying to climax and not stopping to bring you off too?
As a guy, if I'm having sex with my wife and feel like I'm about to climax (getting over with it), I would feel it a cruel thing for my wife to stop the whole sexual episode.
You really should clarify what you meant by that statement.
If what yu mean is he is just going through the motions with no passion and is not even enjoying hiimself or trying to please you, then you two need a heart to heart about that.
Making love does not always have to mean scented candles and rose petals. it can! but not always.
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Reply #3 08/31/09 7:51pm
there absolutely is a difference...I'm in quite the opposite boat....I often feel like all my W and I do is "make love" or go the slow and romantic route...when there are times when I just wanna "fuck her brains out"...the only time that happens is when it has to be a quickie...which is not very often...LOL -
Reply #4 09/01/09 12:51pm
You need some kids Dew. All you have time for are quickies. It's a treat when we get to make love. -
Reply #5 09/01/09 2:29pm
i love when he fucks my brains out! but then again there once in awhile that i want to make love, but thats every blue moon. we might start off as making love but in the middle of it we start fucking (weird) -
Reply #6 09/01/09 7:41pm
I've been thinking some more on this one & discussed with my husband...there is another catagory besides fucking and making love. Its called "servicing" otherwise known as doing your wifely or husbandly duty. its really not that satisfying for either partner.
I was stuck here for about 10 of our 21 years together from having health problems...All I can say now is we have had more nasty f-ing and general naughtiness. I had to initiate and plan since he was so sensitive to my physical limitations and pain. He was surprised at first. BUT Its been a lot of fun and occassionally we actually make love-that is wonderful too -
Reply #7 09/10/09 5:09am
yes, they are different. And I need to have both at different times. Glad you prosed the question. Thanks. -
Reply #8 09/10/09 11:21am
sassy, quite the opposite...quickies don't happen that often...I want more of those...or some long hot fucking sessions...instead of just the slow romantic sessions...dont get me wrong, i love those very much, just would be nice to switch it up now and then! ;) -
Reply #9 09/18/09 5:19am
Thank you for your reply's. I felt that their was a different. I just wanted to reply back to jimthzz. I have never push my h off of me. That is not what i was referring to. I just would like more of what dewey69cox is having at this point in our marriage. Wanted to know if you think that some men don't know the difference. Or find that fucking is loving. I just my experience to be a different because he when he had the A it was fucking to him. I seek the passion, I don't have the passion right now. -
Reply #10 10/15/09 12:52pm
Jennifer,
Passion is the beginning of the whole sexual relationship, and is so important to separate lovemaking and just sex. Passion is a powerful thing, and many passionate nights can start off as lovemaking and end up as fucking, because of the intensity of the feelings.
From a man's perspective, I see it as two very different things. I enjoy a slow, sexually charged lovemaking session just as much as a hard, fast fuck, but there are times when my wife would prefer to stay in lovemaking mode when I am trying to speed it up and fuck. I have seen her just go with it and get it over, without reaching climax, and then be frustrated with me afterwards. I have had to learn to respond to her needs first, and put mine on hold. And it works both ways. Sometimes she wants it hard and fast, when I prefer to slow down and take my time, and that can be just as frustrating for her. So, I've learned to take my cues from her reactions and go with her mood. It's all about communicting our feelings to one another in the heat of the moment, so that we are mutually satisfied.
Talk to your husband about how you feel, and let him tell you how he feels. If he knows what you are seeking, it might help him slow down and build up the heat of passion. Teach him what your wants and needs are, and show him how to get you there. Most of us men are clumsy brutes most of the time, but with a little instruction, we can get it right.
Good luck!
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