I cant stop the tears flowing from my eyes. I cant sleep in my bed at night. I cant stop the flashbacks. In my dreams, in reality. Why will it not stop? Have i not been punished enough? I lie in bed and almost go to sleep when all of a sudden i feel my "dad" there in my bed with me, i feel his hands and his breath breathing on me then all of a sudden i jump up and realise he is not there i am in my house alone. All alone and i cry. I am scared and dont want to be alone anymore. But i have no choice. I cut myself to make me feel better but i still cry. I dont care that i have cut myself but i do cry because its not helped me. I feel like drinking or doing drugs just so i can block everything out. I cant do that though, coz that will just make it worse, or will it? I dont think it can get any worse now, can it?

I feel so alone, feel i have no one. What am i supposed to do? Sorry i am having a pity party, but i just feel so alone and scared.

Sorry, just had to get some out.
Thanks for letting me.