This is also a journal I just wrote but I realized at the end it sounds like a message board post and question.

Not really sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I've been writing to my inner child every day since Sunday having a dialogue about what he's feeling, etc. I've been feeling especially lonely lately when working from home or on the road for work, moreso than I can remember in a long time.

I know I've been isolating. It's been two years since all of this crap started with the anxiety, depression, sadness, worthlessness and I simply avoid many of my good friends because I can't fake being happy and I'm sure they're tired of it. The same goes for my sister. But I really owe her a phone call and it's on my list of things to do.

I have figured out that I was so unhappy and depressed as a child because I was trying to comfort my mother, give her someone who felt her pain and a partner in crime so to speak so she wouldn't be so alone and lonely and I guess in the end to try to save her from killing herself. I realize now that I tapped into those feelings of that young boy over the last two years and it's a habit of his to be down and sad and avoid being happy. He did it for so long, he did it for her and it didn't work so he's punishing himself along with staying stuck in that role. How to pull myself (us) out of it is a different story, I'm working on it.

So this daily dialogue is painful in a way. It's supposed to bring me closer to myself, to comfort that inner child and help me feel stronger in the end but I guess to get there I have to go through some painful stuff. It seems like I've done this before and I keep swinging around and taking one step forward and two steps back.

Anyhow, I'll continue it and I want to be diligent with it. I want to understand that little boy better, comfort him and become friends with him. I know all the books say you have to re-parent yourself, etc. because I never got the parenting I needed as a kid and let me tell you, nothing is harder than learning how to do that. It's a good thing I don't have any kids of my own, because I am clueless and I know I'd repeat the pattern of my mother and father. I feel bad for my dogs. They deserve more love than I give them right now. Maybe this will help with that as well.

I just feel so blocked up emotionally, like a clogged drain, that I need some super Roto Rooter solution to unclog things. If there happiness or at least a feeling of being content and okay with myself down below all the muck? I hope so.

Anyone else write to themselves or their inner child? Any suggestions?