MoroseMary

Whats your child like?

Posted on 09/18/08, 02:45 pm

Hi everybody, I'm new, just got on today, anyhow i'm just curious whats your child is like. For example do you hate your child? Do you find it holds you back? Do you think people can see it?

I personally hate my child, i hate the fact that its that scared little boy who holds me back from doing things that i want to do soemtimes. For example i cant go near a lake by myself sometimes because i feel that something is out there and wants to get me. I find when my dad yells that i get upset inside . . . can that be the child cowering in fear? I often feel like when people look into my eyes they see that child, locked in the room, with all the painful memories, so no one can ever hurt me again. Am i wrong for hidding this vulnerability? Am i wrong for neglectign it, to the point that it comes out angerly sometimes. I guess inner children are difficult to explain and handle.

• Reply #1 09/19/08  4:51pm
  
  ImpulsiveRE...
  Well they are...if they've been abused.
  
  My inner child is locked in a black cell. With a barred door. She shows her face when the screaming starts up inside me...or she starts to cry. Every now and then, I'll go in and try to look at her...she'll glance over long enough for me to see her face, before she starts panicking and goes into a fit of hyperventilation. I don't hate her though...she's a part of me. I want to help her...I just don't know how...and for some reason...I'm not sure SHE'S ready for the help. Cause she always seems to want to get farther and farther away from me. She never gets up to approach the door...she just stays in her corner. Trying to make herself smaller then she already is. I don't think people can see our inner children...unless they're very sure what our personalities are like. I have an inner teen locked up in there too...that's a scary description all in itself. So, seeing as though we're talking about inner "children"...I'll stick to my inner child.
  
  I hope that helps explain a little of what you're looking for. They're hard to handle sometimes because you're not sure HOW you're supposed to handle them. That's how I see it.
• Reply #2 09/19/08  10:59pm
  
  Soleil
  When the concept of an inner child was first presented to me, I thought my therapist and I should switch seats. She got me to understand what she was talking about and I was able to identify my inner child after that. The inner child was always there, I just hadn't identified her yet. There are days when I hate her especially when I'm working on healing from the abuse or am identifying where the difficult emotions are stemming from. But then I have to remember that I'm looking at these issues with the eyes of an adult and not her eyes and that's whose eyes I have to be looking through and helping to heal. Once I've identified that I'm doing this, I'm able to start showing compassion for my inner child and the work can progress. It's not easy. Then there are days, when I have so much fun with her. I can let my guard down and have fun. I can feel her within me and it is during those moments, that I can get a glimpse of hope and know she is starting to heal. People who know me well, can see when she shines through. My sister-in law likes to call her Angelica after the rugrats character. You would be surprised at how many people are actually open to the inner child concept and identify with it. It isn't as strange as we may think at first. It sounds like you are identifying where some of what you are feeling is stemming from. Yes, it is coming from your inner child. Now, it is to get your inner child to realize that he no longer needs to feel some of these things. This is where you as the adult comes in to offer the reassurance the child was denied as a child and help him to grow. Let your child know he is strong after all he got you through your childhood to where you are today. I hope I didn't confuse you too much and was able to give you a perspective on the inner child. Good luck in understanding yours. Take care.
• Reply #3 09/26/08  12:23am
  
  danih
  My inner child is 4 or perhaps 5. She is fond of curling up behind the couch or under the table, but will come out if offered crayons or bubbles. When I take her outside, I can feel her laughing. If something upsets her/me, I can hear her screaming.
  
  When I was abused, I was told to lie still and not make any noise... so I kept all of my rage inside and would mentally scream things like "stop!", "this hurts!" or "why doesn't anyone love me?" When the abuse ended, I repressed the memories of most of the incidents... but that child's voice in my mind kept on screaming.
  
  One day about 2 years ago, my (still blissfully ignorant) mother mentioned that my uncle abuser had asked about me at my gram's funeral, and the screaming started up louder than ever. "HE HAS NO RIGHT! HE HAS NO RIGHT TO ASK ABOUT ME AFTER WHAT HE DID TO ME!!!"
  
  This actually shocked me and piqued my curiosity, because a) I had never considered that voice to be capable of "independent" thought and b) I still could not consciously remember what he HAD done to me. So I started listening to that child's voice, and started reassuring her and helping her heal. And little by little, she reminded me of what had happened.
  
  Now we are becoming more and more whole every day as she trusts me to take care of her and lets me be in charge.
  
  
• Reply #4 09/26/08  12:25am
  
  danih
  I'm sorry that you hate your inner child. I used to hate little Dee and was so angry at her. The day that I began to forgive her and learn to love her was a big step in the healing process.
• Reply #5 09/26/08  2:19am
  
  gruesomegull
  My inner child is in a padded cell with a guard at the door.At present the new meds he can hardly move.
• Reply #6 09/29/08  8:53pm
  
  amj1983
  i can not find my inner child, but i am sick of hurting
  
• Reply #7 09/30/08  1:38am
  
  gruesomegull
  I found my inner child here by writing,and then remerber times when things happen I cant explain.Losing time,not being able to drive all of a sudden or thoughts that I know are not quite mine.Even the feeling that Im not in control. These I now realise is my child wanting to be know.So I listen or write and trying to become whole.
• Reply #8 09/30/08  5:11pm
  
  Brknhart
  I am working on finding her to, right now I feel like all she wants too do is cry. I wish she would teel me why.
• Reply #9 10/06/08  1:05pm
  
  danih
  Brknhart, keep talking to her and eventually you will break through with her. Sometimes our inner children come to us, and sometimes we have to go looking for them. When you finally find her, it may be in the form of a new thought or memory hitting you out of the blue, or even just a "sense" of where your child is and what he or she is doing or feeling. It sounds like you already have some sense of her, though, if you can feel her crying. Keep reassuring her and try repeating some affirmations out loud to yourself and to her, and see if that doesn't help in time.
  
  *hugs*
• Reply #10 10/11/08  8:05pm
  
  movingon515
  With everyday that passes my inner child is speaking out against fear and limitations. My inner child is goofy, loves to laugh, loves adventure, loves being sociable, and is helping me to become a better woman. At first I hated my inner child for not speaking out about the abuse when it first started happening but I have since realized that she was only a child and should not be condemned for her fear of speaking out. None of this was her fault anyway. My inner child never asked for any of what happened to happen to her. So why should I hate her? I love my inner child because she knows me and I know her. I have her to be strong for.

This is a safe haven for victims of childhood abuse and their loved ones to share stories, sympathies, and tips for healing. Whether verbal, physical, or sexual in nature, the effects of childhood abuse can be permanently scarring. Together, though, we can find strength and solace in each other.