jean747

For the new moms

Posted on 11/02/09, 02:38 pm

I read some of your stories on Firefly1960s post "Please tell your story". I have been coming to this site for several years now and I know I would not have been able to get through as well as I have if not for the wonderful moms who were already here when I got here. I still remember how I felt the day I discovered this site. I never thought I would be able to smile again. Nothing made any sense to me. My world was grey, no color. I cried every time I thought of that night and every time I remembered anything about Yo. I slept all the time and could not hold a conversation. I would forget what I was saying in the middle of a sentence. I remember one of the moms telling me that it was all normal and I would be ok. I know now that she was right. Don't get me wrong, you never "get over" losing your child. You always have bad days and sad days. But they get fewer and farther between. We have to learn to live a new normal in a world without our kids. But eventually you will find yourself smiling at a memory of your child. You will see the colors coming back into your world. Until then, cry when you feel like it, sleep when you need to and scream and yell when you can't take another minute. Tell your family and friends to watch out and not take offense, it isn't directed at them. Your body will tell you what you need to do. You will grieve as long as it takes and your grief will change with time. But you will be ok. hugs j

• Reply #1 11/02/09  6:33pm
  
  MaryCS3
  Strange how it seems like you're the only one going through this. So many people tell me how strong I am but I don't feel strong. If I catch myself smiling at something, I quickly check myself, as though I don't have the right to be happy. I have two other sons who are wonderful but that one son that is gone took so much of me. Thanks for letting me run on. Mary
• Reply #2 11/02/09  6:56pm
  
  dougadoug
  Mary I know how you feel - if I have a pretty good day I feel guilty because I feel I shouldn't be "good" - I lost my son. My counselor tells me how well I am doing and how strong I am. I don't know where it comes from because if you'd told me a year ago I'd be in this position I would never have thought I'd be doing as well as I am, I would have thought I'd be non-functional. Somehow I've managed to go on, mainly for my older son.
• Reply #3 11/02/09  11:05pm
  
  wendyTred
  i know people tell me " you are so strong" I am a fraud........ I am broken inside. Yes I get dressed go to work do my job{not as well as before} I take care of my house and my other three children, support my husband and just get through the day. I do those things because I have to. I am not Okay and I never will be. My mind is in constant thought of my son. I can be doing "fine " and then I start to cry... I hear about about a bad person and I think Lord why didn't you take that one and leave my son with us. So I am not strong , I am just "hanging in there" I do find hope and light when I read the stories of my wonderful new friends here. I know I will smile more one day and be able to think of my Chris without feeling so empty. But for right now I am not strong.....It has been almost three very long months without my baby. I am so glad I found all of you.... You all were heaven sent. Wendy
• Reply #4 11/03/09  12:07pm
  
  jean747
  People confuse strength with endurance. Every one of us would rather be weak if it means having another minute with our child.
• Reply #5 11/03/09  3:03pm
  
  adjustingmom
  This site is a blessing. All of your comments offer me strength or the courage to continue. It has been almost 5 months since Evan's accident and Evan's birthday is this Friday, I'm trying to put on a front but I am so broken inside. I miss my boy so much. hugs to all of you too. Debbie
• Reply #6 11/04/09  8:54pm
  
  ChristiW
  Oh my gosh it is like each and everyone of you are inside my mind and body.Every emotion and feeling that you each have just know you are so not alone. I miss my son so much I can't breathe. Get tired also of hearing how"strong" others think I am when I have totally been brought to my knees. God bless us all. Hugs to each and every one.
• Reply #7 11/06/09  11:12pm
  
  suzie31
  I used to think I was a strong person, my mother always said "God never gives you more than you can handle". This time I think my mother might have been wrong. I just get through the day. Food has no taste, nothing excites me, sleep is little and the tears never end. It is amazing how this grief process works with so many of us moms having all the same "symptoms". I read the grieving books just to make sure what I am doing is considered normal in this process. This struggle is the most horrible thing I have ever endured and I hope I can make it through. God bless to all of you for helping me.

ForMomsOnly is a support group for women who are dealing with the death of adult children. ForMommysOnly is for those who have lost a young child or infant or who have suffered a late term miscarriage.