Hi Julie and all other mothers..
I am also new to this group.
I lost my beautiful daughter Jenn a year ago, Sept 2, 2008. She died 16 weeks after being diagnosed with Metastitic Melanoma. The tumors just started growning everywhere in her body, there were too many to count in her lungs. She finally developed liver failure and was gone days later.
She left behind her husband and three children, (ages 22, 19 and 15 at the time), her sister and lots of loving friends and family members.
This past year has been harder than anyone, other than you wonderful ladies, can imagine.
Discussion Topic
Please tell your story
Posted on 10/25/09, 05:14 pm
I am new here and still have slow internet. I was wondering if you could share your stories with me so we new people can get a feel of what you have been through. i read journals but it is slow moving1 Pleas if you could tell about your children it would be awsome.Love and prayers to you all, Julie
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Reply #1 10/25/09 5:21pm
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Reply #2 10/25/09 5:34pm
I, too, am new to this group. My daughter, Jenny, technically died five weeks ago today, but remained on life support for two weeks. At the time of her death Jenny was 29 weeks pregnant and had to have a surgery to remove a tumor from her vocal chords as she was having trouble breathing. During the surgery Jenny went into cardiac arrest and the baby was delivered via an emergency C section. Both Jenny and her baby, Rachel, suffered profound brain damage due to oxygen deprivation. Rachel survived the very rough start that she had and now remains in NICU. We won't know the extent of her injuries for a long time.
This was Jenny's first pregnancy (at age 40). She didn't get to even see her little girl.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Mary Lou
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Reply #3 10/25/09 9:56pm
My name is Wendy. My oldest son, Christopher died on Aug 13 2009 of an unknown cardiac problem. He had no symptoms and was a healthy 25 year old He had graduated from college and was working his dream job. He lived an hour and a half away from us. I have 3 other children 22, 19 and 16 . We are having them tested to make sure they do not have the same cardiac problem. so far my 19 year old son and 16 daughter are fine. My 22 will get checked at Thanksgiving when he is home from college. i am new to this journey and have found the support of the women here to be my salvation, and my light in the storm. I can vent to them and not have to worry that they do not understand. they do. Please keep us in your prayers. Wendy -
Reply #4 10/25/09 11:20pm
It amazes many how many of us there are who are losing are children. My goodness this is not suposed to happen . You are all on my prayer list. It has been two months for us and we are surviving but just that. we will get through this together.Love to you all and God Bless~Julie -
Reply #5 10/26/09 10:41am
i, too, am new to the group. my daughter beth died sept.24, 2008. she had a progressive degenerative gastrointestinal disorder that eventually made it impossible to feed her. she was forty=one and lived twice as long as she was 'supposed' to through her will and her love of life and people and music and humor.
the first year was awful, i was so 'heavy' in my whole body; walking just across a room felt like a mile. yet i couldn't sleep. and i haven't been able to concentrate at all. so very hard to do paperwork ie bills etc, and can't read more than a little at a time . then the first 'anniversary' came , which i had dreaded....how could i have not seen or held my girl for a YEAR??....and this last month has been harder than i expected it to be. but i AM getting some energy back, my house now has a floor, trying to correct my financial situation, etc., and seeing my doctors this week and next to try to get my physical and mental self on track. and i am here....and it seems amazing to me to find people who really DO understand. especially with an adult child loss......seems easier for most to support a parent who has lost a very young child. i am NOT negating the pain of those losses, but the difficulty inf being understood as a grieving mother of an older 'child'. maybe the thought of loosing an adult child, since most of my friends do not have young children anymore, is just too horrible to even embrace in someone else. i just feel there is an expectation that i should be 'over this' by now, just happy that beth is no longer sufferring.
i guess i am rambling and this should be a journal entry....firefly you opened the flood gates, i guess. -
Reply #6 10/26/09 12:48pm
I found this group in late 2006. On June 16 of 2006 a girl who had been doing crystal meth for days at a time broke into my home and stabbed my oldest daughter, Yolanda, my youngest daughter Samantha, Yolanda's daughter Megan and me. Yolanda died. The rest of us eventually recoved, physically. It was a hard and lonely road until I discovered this truly awesome group of moms who have helped me to get through by just being there each and every time I have needed them. We all come here wondering if we will make it through this grief. And there is always someone who has made it longer than we have and can tell us what to expect. Keep a journal so you can look back at how far you've come. -
Reply #7 10/26/09 5:12pm
Hi Julie. I know reading through journals can be very time consuming and considering how many of us there are, and how long some of us have been here journaling, it's quite impossible to know everyone and everyones story. I thank you for wanting to know as much as you can. I promise as time goes on and you continue reading journals, more and more will be shared. Here's a capsule of my story:
My daughter, Kala, was a high school senior honor student. She played 1st base on the school softball team and also was on the track/field team. She sang in honors chorus, was in the BETA club and seniors activities club. She was a peer mediator and a member of women of destiny. She also worked a full time job. Kala had more friends than I could keep up with, and a very special close knit group. Kala's smile would light an entire room and you felt her presence long before you saw here. To say "special" is to not say enough. On Jan 2, 2007 Kala came home from work, showered, and bounced down the stairs. I asked where she was heading now and she said "just gonna hang out with some friends". I said what I always said when she left the house, "have fun, be careful, I love you". Her reply was, "I will, I love you too." She closed the door behind her and never came home again. After going for pizza, Kala and the three friends with her decided to go bowling. When they got to the bowling alley it was packed and had a long wait. They decided to go to a bowling alley in the next town and started heading that way. While merging onto the interstate, a vehicle in the far left lane suddenly changed lanes and was heading straight for Kala. Kala swerved left to avoid the impact that surely would have happened. But in doing so, she lost control, tried desperatly to correct herself, but could not. The car left the interstate, tumbled over and over, and finally hit a tree. Kala and a boy sitting directly behind her were "killed" instantly. Kala's best friend, Gesi, was in front with Kala. Stephens best friend, Justin, was sitting beside him in the back. The two best friends crawled from the passengers side and escaped without harm....physical harm. They watched their best friends be removed by paramedics, as they did not survive. Lives were changed in that moment. So many more were to be changed as the news spread. I had gone to bed and was sleeping sounding. Kala never missed curfew and certainly wasn't a child that ever got into trouble. I remember sitting on the couch every night for many months waiting for her to get home. Then I started falling asleep on the couch and she'd wake me when she got home. Finally I started going to bed and Kala would sneak into my room, wake me, and let me know she was home safely. She didn't wake me that night. A police officer did. It was a struggle to let him inside. I knew something must be terribly wrong, but couldn't allow myself to think the worst. When he asked me to sit down I yelled "don't say it, don't you dare say it!"..........he quietly said, "your daughter Kala was in an accident tonight.........she didn't survive". I can't remember much of what happened immediately after hearing those words. I told someone that I'd sat very still and very quiet with a tear rolling down my face while holding Kala's picture. My husband told me in fact that was many hours later. I guess I was graciously given a couple of black out hours before my mind had to start processing it all. It's been almost three years now, I can hardly believe it's been that long. And then again it feels like it's been a thousand years since I've hugged her. It's been a long and hard journey toward healing. It's a journey that has no end. I believe we continue to heal each day and will for the rest of our days on this planet. I read journals of the newer moms and realize just how far I've come...though some days it feels like I haven't moved at all. The moms here have been invaluable to me and my healing. It's here where I can run to with my broken heart in one hand and my anger in the other and I'm heard and I'm understood. I owe these moms so much. I repay them by paying it forward. I found DS because I so desperately needed someone, anyone to tell me this horror was survivable. I've found many moms to attest to that. I need those who've walked before me....they guide and advise. I need those who walk the same timeline....they understand and console. And I need the new moms as they offer me a chance to share my Kala and my journey and my voice to say, "You too can survive this." There is hope, and it is found among these amazing moms, on this incredible site. -
Reply #8 10/26/09 5:17pm
Geez! That was a big capsule.....guess I got carried away....I just couldn't stop typing! -
Reply #9 10/26/09 11:35pm
Oh thank you all for sharing your stories. I came here with no hope of ever feeling any better. I am learning to look at things with a new perspective. Yes Matt died. He was taken too young and it wasn't fair. It hurts worse then anything ever. But I see all of you who have been where I am now and are still living and I am given hope. -
Reply #10 10/27/09 1:31pm
Julie,
I, too, am new to the group. My son Kevin was killed on June 3, 2008 during a robbery. He was beaten and stabbed by someone he befriended. Kevin was bright, articulate and entrepreneurial. He had several businesses - including multiple limos. He was 43 at the time of his death and was a divorced father of two great sons. His death was horrific; the police did find his killer, but they were very insensitive when dealing with our family. His death came two years after my husbands and just a few months before my Mom passed away. So I feel as if I have been immersed in death and dying for the last few years. His killer is serving a 20 year sentence which doesn't seem long enough or fair enough. My faith and having the good fortune of a wonderful family and terrific friends have been a saving grace during the last several years.
Blessings to all,
Pat
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ForMomsOnly is a support group for women who are dealing with the death of adult children. ForMommysOnly is for those who have lost a young child or infant or who have suffered a late term miscarriage.
