From EvansMom:
I just got a note from one of our new members asking why I didn't have my own story posted. Some clarification is in order...
Evan was 24 and I had 'known' for many years that he would never see his 25th birthday. We teased that he had nine lives and he did his best to prove us right. He was on a first name basis with the ER staff at an early age which wasn't a good sign. Evan had severe ADHD, was bi-polar of the sad/angry type and had a borderline genius IQ. He was loving, kind, incredibly funny, a talented musician and very insecure. He was high maintenance but utterly irresistable. No matter what he did, we couldn't stay mad at him for long.
He was living in Alabama, married not-so-happily, and had just been promoted to the youngest field supervisor they'd ever had. On Sunday afternoon, he had a quick zoom down the street on his motorcycle, hit a patch of wet leaves and went into a slide that he couldn't recover from. He was airlifted to UAB hospital and kept on life support until we got there. On September 11, 2006 at 2 a.m., I felt him leave us - and I thought that, at last, he would be at peace and be happy.
Evan's heart went to Emily, then 12 years old, who had days left to live. His liver went to Sanford, a wonderful man in South Carolina. His pancreas and a kidney went to Greg from Mississippi who has made it his mission to call me every holiday and any of the days he thinks "a momma needs her boy". He has Evan's spirit and is similar to him in so many ways; he is part of this family forever. Another kidney went to a man we don't know anything about - and that's okay. I believe with all my being that this all happened as it was meant to.
As the shock wore off, my grip on sanity became more and more tenuous. There were days of screaming, head-banging, scratching my arms until they bled, hair-pulling - you name it, it was happening and it wasn't good. I then decided that I would research time travel and spent weeks trying to find someone who could take me back to the day before to warn Evan. I tried to find a magician or someone who could poof him back to me. This went on to the point where my family was becoming concerned that I was really losing my mind. (Okay, so the therapist was concerned, too...)
Finding DS, I thought, "Aha! Now I will find someone who understands!" But those who have lost a friend, a sibling, a parent (not to make light of their pain) did NOT get what I was going through. Time heals? Baloney!! So I began to search through the DS bereavement community for mothers, only mothers. It kept me busy for hours and hours every day - and my family was happy because I had stopped the screaming and self-abuse. Eventually, there was quite a little group of us and I decided to make it a 'real' group with its own page. I wanted my own page (EvansMom) to be for me and my feelings and the group page to be for happy thoughts, sharing ideas, inspiration, etc. ForMomsOnly began.
Eventually, we split into two groups: ForMomsOnly for those who had lost an older child and ForMommysOnly for those who had lost a younger child, infant, or had a late term miscarriage. Last year, The Journey ForMomsOnly was begun as a place where those who are further along in their grief share different ideas on how to help the newer moms.
Each of these 'parts' of FMO has its original page (where we journal and have friends) and a group page (where we post news, have members and you can participate in discussions). If you have trouble connecting with us, let me know and someone will help you.
So, that's my story. I am Barbara Smith, EvansMom, from Canton, Georgia. There are so many people who help keep this moving along. AnnM, Ann Millican, is in Washington and maintains The Journey. AnnSullivan posts the monthly dates on the group page. Teri Race, RememberKala, and MunroGirl, Joanne Ravida work on fundraising for our retreats. Karen Gordon, BioWoman, is our unofficial 'greeter'. Jennie Jasgur, LeosMommy, was taking care of ForMommysOnly but we are in need of someone to take her place as she is pretty busy with her year old son and a new business. Any volunteers?
God bless us all and may we find strength and peace in each other...
