Hi Scott,
Welcome to our group. Although our name is "families of...." aren't YOU in a family with a convicted S/O?
Sorry we had to meet this way...but glad that you found us. We have several other S/O's in our group (& one person who is in the begining of the legal process), so you are not unwelcome here. All opinions are valued and I'm sure that any insights you share will be of help.
Lurk when you like & post when you wish to share, you're also welcome to come & rant if you need to, we all need that once in awhile.
Diana
Discussion Topic
Hello,I am a convicted sex offender
Posted on 11/06/09, 09:05 pm
I Don't know if this is the right group for me. I am a convicted sex offender. I am here because my family has suffered from my past choices. The reason I joined this group isn't for me. I have read alot of the posts on here and I see alot of questions because every thing is new to them. All I can say is , is that I have been through the legal system inside and out, court , jail,group therapy, individual therapy, lawyers , the not knowing, the wanting to know, responsibilty sessions with my victim , marriage counseling....etc. and I feel as though I can be better use into giving you insite as to what to expect because my family has been there. I know that case's vary, and State laws vary as well as Federal but in the end, it's all the same. If you do not feel comfortable with me in this group then please let me know because after all, this is your place.
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Reply #1 11/06/09 11:12pm
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Reply #2 11/06/09 11:26pm
Welcome Scott,
Any insight you can bring to our group is very welcome! As you said, State laws vary but community attitudes do not. My son was released from prison a few months ago and has stuggled with visits from the police whenever a sex crime occurs in the community. Is this something you've experienced and does it grow less frequent in time? He has been fortunate to find an apartment and a good job, but lives in fear of neighbors finding out. And to tell the truth, I think I worry more than he does! I live 12 hours away from my son and my anxiety continues to worsen rather than decreasing. Any words of wisdom for a shakey Mom?
Pam -
Reply #3 11/07/09 8:59am
What state are you from? What was your full sentence? -
Reply #4 11/07/09 10:01am
Hi Scott,
I too am a convicted sex offender, and have seen the pain I have caused my family as well. My actions have affected everyone who was in my life. Most of my friends are no longer my friends, I lost my GF after probation said I could have no contact with her kids, and since then I have been in a downward fall, and the bottom looks better everyday. My family has supported me since day one, but I know it has taken a toll on them as well. Everyone in this group are amazing, and Im so sorry for all of them that they have to go through all this as well. I to am like you and feel if there is anyway I can help them or there loved one get through this I will. For me it is also nice to have someone to talk to who is or has gone through exactly what Iam. Cause to be honest Iam struggling bad. My depression has taken me to a new level, and its not good. Again welcome to the group. Hope to chat sometime.
My thoughts and Prayers to everyone.
Steven -
Reply #5 11/07/09 1:33pm
Hello Scott, glad you are here. My day in court was yesterday. It came down to conspiracy to commit indecent liberties. Two other felony counts were dropped in exchange for my guilty plea. I will have 2 years probation and 10 years on the registry. My sentencing date is Dec 6. Thats when I will find out the details of my probation. My family has been to hell and back, my son is transfering to a different high school monday because the other person involved is in his class. The guilt I feel is overwhelming. My son was a 4.0 student and is now failing 2 classes, some days he just leaves school and comes home. I cant take it mom is what he tells me, I cant sit in class with the person that ruined my life. I just wish I could take his pain away.
It really helps to come here and read what others are going through, and to also see that they are taking life one day at a time and are surviving. You can too. Im not really sure how I have gotten as far as I have, and quite honestly I feel guilty when I catch myself being happy, after what Ive put everyone through. Sometimes I think we are harder on ourselves than those around us.
Many prayers to you and your family,
Lisa -
Reply #6 11/07/09 4:12pm
Hello, Scott.....It's good to have some new insight for our suffering families....Barbara -
Reply #7 11/07/09 4:42pm
Wow! Thank you for the welcome. First, to answer Pams question : No, I have not had the issue of police checking on me when a crime occurs in my area. Yes, it will grow less frequent with time. I do not use the term Sex Offender. My reason for this is when you call someone a sex offender, it refers to them as something they are doing now rather then something they did in the past. It's no different then a kid who stole a piece of candy from the local store 10 years ago but today that same kid is a hard working man/woman. Would we still call him/her a thief? I think not. Pam, I know you are worried but the worst has already happened. As long as your son keeps his "good job" he will be fine. I am from Maryland. I was sentenced on July 23, 2002. I recieved 10 years in prison suspended except for 18 months which I served in jail. I am on the registry for life. My probation was 5 years in which I was released from 1 year early. Once probation ends, It's a totally different ballgame. I say this because you are finally on your own. No officers to dictate your every move. Home visits from police to verify residence will decrease. I haven't seen one in 2 years. And to Lisa, you have no reason to feel guilty for feeling happy. We all own our emotions and we have the right to feel those emotions because we are all human. If your son is suffering, talk to him, be there for him , let him know everything will be alright. Let him know that know matter what, he needs to be as strong as he can be right now because you only get 1 chance in life to go to high school and he needs to make the best of it now because once the cycles of emotion roll through, in the end , high school will be gone and it will be too late. And finally to Steve, how are you doing friend? Let me say to you that being a sex offender does NOT make you who you are. It is something you did. You are still a good person but if you dont feel like a good person then you lose. The bottom line is God will never give you more then you can handle. Everything you said you had you lost but you can have all of that back. Maybe not with the same person but you still can. If you want to know how, I can tell you that. I'm sorry about the long reply lol.....but I didn't want to stop short. Take care everyone and I hope to hear from you again. :) -
Reply #8 11/07/09 9:59pm
I totally agree with you Scott, being a registered sex offender does not in any way shape or form determine who you are. Everyone makes mistakes (yes some are bigger than others) but it does not mean that you are not a good person. My bf is currently serving 6 months in jail and then will be on probation for 5 years. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger. -
Reply #9 11/08/09 6:51am
Hi Scott!
I am so glad that you found this group! And that so much you went thru is in the past! You sound as if you have a good head on your shoulders and I love the fact you are willing to help others!
(Especially Steven, for his depression worries many of us.... a great guy that can not get over the past.....we all understand to a degree...but you really understand far better than most!)
I think you are going to be an extremely valuable asset in this group!
My son just came home and was released Sept. 30th of this year. We won the Appeal(his sentence was for 25 yrs....and then we won the resentencing hearing to and the next day he was home! PRAISE GOD!
We have found that it isn't always awful when they get out.....we have had more support and understanding then we had the last 3 yrs when he was in prison. Prison really helped my son to get rid of a bad relationship.....but he lost his daughters too. Long story rich family and us the janitors.....we do not fit their standards I guess. But now his life has opened up with so many possibilities!
Never would I have thought prison life could ever help a family get their ducks lined up and priorities in order. But it has for us!
Your experiences can help others to see their is light at the end of the tunnel!
By the way my son will have to register for 10 years but the sheriff's office here was told of the overturned case and are very supportive and do not hassle him at all.
Se you are not the only long winded one here! LOL!
We all love to talk and I think that is a plus since away from here many do not have hardly anyone they can talk to freely about all of this with.
One thing I would like to remind the group and all its members.....and please do not take offense but please remember to not use such words as lurk.....we know how society views RSO's.......let us not unintentionally cause any more pain to people that have suffered enough for choices they made long ago and are on the road to full recovery......for these words can kill the positiveness we want ones to reach in their lives!
Remember the group was started by a person married to an RSO and their mate was even a part of this group too long ago. This group is for RSO's and all those going thru this journey.......we can make a difference to ones succeeding in getting happiness back in their lives by not shaming them in any manner!
Enough of that.....I believe all get the drift of where I am going with that.
So Scott you are so welcome to the group.....I think we are going to enjoy your long comments and posts!
Love and prayers to all, and for all of our families, and our inmates, or those released!
Hope all have a Super Sunday!
Love Rhea -
Reply #10 11/08/09 12:10pm
SORRY if I offended anyone with my use of the term lurk.
I've recently learned other aspects of chat & discussion boards and it is in the sense of one reading and not posting that I used the term.
Welcome
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This group is here to help those with loved ones who are convicted of sex offenses. This is a place where we don't judge because we are all in the same boat, regardless of the actual crime. If you don't feel completely comfortable posting freely on the main board because of the nature of your loved one's crime, feel free to post here because we all understand!
