Discussion Topic

Any other parents of juvenile offenders??

Posted on 01/20/13, 09:52 pm
*ugh* I've been thinking so much lately... I've been reading on here all of the issues families face with a loved one who is a sex offender. In so many ways, I can understand, although my stepson is not registered and since he is under age 12, he is only required to have counseling. Right now, no one really knows what he's done. What if people find out though? My stepkids have been talking more and more... my stepdaughter (I have my 2 younger stepkids with me) acts out the sexual assault in school during playtime and recess. She has friends in school whose children have spent the night in our home, with my stepson/offender.

What if one of her friends relates a story and this gets out? I'm not naive, I know the parents of kids who have been to my house during that time will be hysterical, wondering if their child has been abused. I can't blame them... I feel so angry at my stepson for the stress, for his refusal to change... Then I remember that he is a victim too... The what ifs keep me awake all night. What if someone finds out? What if another victim comes forward? He offended 2 more times in the past few months. I don't know if I can handle finding out about another person... WHY isn't there more help!!

My ex-husband doesn't know what my stepson has done, neither do my biological children. What if he finds out? Will I lose my children?? He didn't offend against them but what if their dad finds out? I haven't told him and I don't want to but then I wonder if I have an obligation to. At this point, I have no communication with my stepson, in order to help my other 2 stepkids so I don't see how it would help...

Are there any other parents who have experienced this?? Any parents or family members of young offenders? Anyone who lives with an offender with their bio children who isn't the father?

I feel like I'm lost sometimes...
Showing 4 Replies
  • Reply #1 01/20/13  10:20pm
    i'm sorry i don't have a kid but i do a lot of reading about the affects of the registry on children. offenders and offender's loved ones. it's not pretty but i'm not gonna lie to you. prepare for the worst...hope for the best.
    i wish you luck in this hard times of yours.

    if he wasn't in the paper, and he's not on a registry; then i wouldn't be too worried about it. if word gets out you may want to read 'collateral damage'

    this is what your step son might be facing if word gets out
    isolation
    depression
    suicidal tendencies
    social displacement syndrome
    bitterness at an older age
    identity displacement disorders
    bulling
    hatred/anger issues
    sadness
    regret

    BUT
    every kid is different who knows maybe the isolation will make him stronger
    positive things:
    a drive to prove himself
    greater education from reading and learning
    self-forgiveness
    more self-awareness
    a great video game player
    erm...

    sorry i don't have a lot of good news. this is without therapy that is. worst case scenario:
    multi personality disorders
    PTSD
    death

    OR
    nothing could go wrong. can't see the future that far.
    much lub and good luck.
  • Reply #2 01/21/13  2:26am
    He has been diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety disorder. This was shortly after we got custody of him and the diagnosis still stands. He goes to counseling 2x/wk. It doesn't seem to be doing much for him.
  • Reply #3 01/21/13  4:58pm
    might not seem like it's doing much but who knows, but i hope things get better with you and your loved ones.
  • Reply #4 01/22/13  1:02am
    7momma, I had a son that I busted at 14 years old trying to rape his 3 year old brother. It was the most devastating thing that I have ever lived through. My oldest son was taken to the sheriff's office where he admitted to officers how long and how much he had been molesting other family members. I hired a lawyer and worked with the juvenile probation officer to get him into an inpatient juvenile sex offender treatment program. I found the program on my own. There are only 2 that I know of in our state. They are difficult to find for obvious reasons. I called the state juvenile mental hospital. It took 2 years and tons of money but he finally was ordered to treatment by the judge. He spent 3 years in the facility. I firmly believe that he was an extreme case and would be reoffending like crazy if he would have not gone there for all that time. He is now 21 and I don't believe that he has reoffended since treatment. He did however struggle with porn addiction shortly after leaving treatment. If he would not have met the woman that he is with he may have been tempted to reoffend. Now 7 years after this nightmare started I am concerned mostly with ensuring that my youngest son will not struggle mentally from the grooming that his brother did to him. I can only watch him closely and always let him know that counseling is available any time that he may need it. I read every book that I could find on juvenile sex offenders when this started. There is much more info now. I also went to counseling with my son every other weekend in the treatment facility. I saw so much progress over those 3 years. It does not come fast. But love and persistance can really change a child.

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This group is here to help those with loved ones who are convicted of sex offenses. This is a place where we don't judge because we are all in the same boat, regardless of the actual crime. If you don't feel completely comfortable posting freely on the main board because of the nature of your loved one's crime, feel free to post here because we all understand!