It depends. There's a lot of things that an RSO has to go through to be allowed even around their own children even if the crime had nothing to do with a child. If you allow your partner around your child without going through these channels than you can be charged with child endangerment. It's a very sad state of affairs and definitely something needs to give.

no they cant take her off you if you agree to him having no contact and not living with you you can see him else where without her being there just tell them what they want to hear dont argue it wont work but they dont watch you 24 /7 tell them you understand his crime and do not condone it when they say jump you say how high

I don't know the laws where you are but I don't recommend lying or deceiving them in any way, as many localities make the RSO take a polygraph on a regular basis and failing can cause a lot of trouble.

Did someone in social services tell you that, or was it just somebody talking?

You surely choose your child. Why would you want to carry on a relationship with someone I assume has hurt your precious child

He hasnt hurt my daughter and yes if it came to it i would choose my child but apart from being a rso he is also a very kind caring man. My daughter loves him to bits and although i will not let her have contact with him and do whatever the social sevices say it makes me mad that she is going to miss out !!!!

That was a really insensitve response Vicky. If you knew about SOs you would never had said that.
Of course, most mothers choose thier children. Why sould you assume this man would hurt her? Maybe you need to be educated on the world of SOs? This is a good place to learn

Vicky, surely you didn't actually read the original post in full. Where does it say anything about him being a SO because of anything to do with her child?

@vicky - do you realize how easy it is to become a sex offender? you know what they say about assumptions.

If you see what Vicky's other posts are you'll see she was a victim herself.. So she's enraged and doesn't see the big picture.
Whenever I see posts like hers in a place like this I try to find out, by searching her emails or internet ,.. to see what her agenda is.

There is one thing about assuming anything.... It makes and ASS out of U and ME...

There are many people here that have been abused, there are many that have not. There are some that when their loved one was first arrested never even knew there were laws that could do the kind of damage that they are doing to people that have never even touched a child. The people on this board run the gamut of what is out there as far as damaged people either from the laws, abuse of any nature, and those that are trying to cope with what Vicky has gone through.

The thing is here, is that everyone suffers in situations like this... the person that was assaulted, the person that perpetrated the assault and those that are loved ones of either or both. It puts many people between rocks and hard places and none of them should be shunned or belittled for their positions. For as death has a process, as does this topic. There are some that have been stuck in the angry stage for decades... There are some that are still in the bargaining stage or denial stage. Then there are those that have accepted they have been abused, have forgiven themselves for it was never their fault and have forgiven their perpetrator even if they never trust them again. There is a difference between forgiveness and trust, and you don't have to trust someone to forgive them.

Vicky is like others on here that came here because of not only their own past but what has happened to someone they know and love. That kind of betrayal is hard, but they have learned to examine what is their emotions, where they are at in their own recovery from what I consider plain old life, and reassess their position on this subject.

I remember one person that when she first got here couldn't believe the people that were sticking by their husbands and boyfriends after they had betrayed them. But she also didn't get yet why she still loved the man that betrayed their children either. This was because of her anger at her own past, and how that was affecting her now. What she found was a different perspective, which I think is part of that healing process so that one can arrive at acceptance rather than wallowing in anger and hatred.

Welcome Vicky, I glanced at your profile and see that you are a victim, and the person that was your perpetrator was a trusted elder in your church and I am sure was trusted by many adults as well as children alike. It is sad that people will their position to do harm to a person, to me it is unforgivable in any situation be it like this or even professionally. It is what I consider a bad personality trait overall, because it demonstrates that the person uses people continually on a wide variety of things. We are a support group and will welcome anyone here that is looking to learn and grow. And we understand that sometimes it is hard to see past the anger of our own pasts to see facts as they are rather than tainted by emotions as most things are around the sex offender issues.

People make a lot of assumptions once the word so is mentioned, not many people see the other the things these people are..like good dads...hard working tax payers NORMAL people..they are just a sex offender. So many ignorant people. I also searched Vickys other posts and dont really understand why she has joined this group !!!!

Sorry now i see why.....i hope this site helps you Vicky

I was a victim...notice I use the word WAS. Back when I was a kid, I was sexually abused by a male relative...know what? I got over it! I didn't sit and dwell on it and I sure dont assume that an SO has hurt a child.

Just because someone HAS been a victim of sexual abuse does NOT give them the right to make such snide comments to others on here.

Same here. I am a WAS also. And it was by more than 8 people on different occasions. One was a preacher's kid who was supposed to be babysitting us. How effed up is that!? But I deal with it differently than others. I am the only one that knows and wow that felt kind of good to say since now ya'll know too.
But regardless of what brings us to this group, no one should be here to pass any sort of judgment. I'm sorry that these sort of things happen to people regardless of which side you are on -victim or not one. I hope that each of us are getting the help and support we all need through this group and elsewhere.

Mary84
I am sorry if I have ofended you or upset you. That was not my intentions.
I just wondered why he was in prison then, and why he is a RSO . How have you kept him and your daughter apart and how she loves him to bits.
I dont want to hurt anyone. I am sorry to have assumed he hurt your daughter. If he is an ROS this is an alarm bell and the fact he has gone to prison. An SO is usually caring and friendly. This is what makes others like and trust them.