Discussion Topic

My Daughter treats me mean

Posted on 10/11/10, 10:02 pm
My daughter moved out when she was 18 to go and live with this boy who I did not like because he had been in juvi jail for 1 year and had a baby while they were dating with someone else and was a wanna be thug. My daughter was not raised like that. I have a good job and we live in a nice home. I divorced her dad more than 12 years ago and I raised my my 2 daughters from age 7 and 3 to age 18 and 21 by myself. I received $60 for child support every 2 weeks.

I waited til my girls were adult and then I remarried. I was single for more than 12 years and I did everything for my children, they had everything. However my youngest daughter is mad at me for eveything and she is mean to me.

She only calls me when she wants or needs something and I have tried everything to work with her. I have basically become her puppy to an certain extent. whatever she needs I am there for her. She got arrested twice one for credit card fraud and one for stealing some sandals and I was there for her each time. the first time I bailed her out the second time she stayed there for a week and they let her go home on house arrest.

I tried to talk to her and she told me to leave her alone that she does not need me for anything.
We worked through that and it seemed that we were doing fine. I see the baby often and I recently took my 2 daughters on vacation for a week to Palm Springs just so we could have family time together.

The latest issue is she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her for the last 2 years (duh) and she told me about it. I told her to talk to him before she make a quick decision ( I really wanted to say come home now). she did and he did not have any remorse at all.

A couple of days later she calls me to bring the truck because she is leaving. I show up with the truck, help her pack, bring her and the baby home. I moved everything out of her room so she and the baby could come home and be safe. There is a room for her and another room for baby. I gave her a key and told her to say as long as she wants to. I told her I love her and I am here for her.

The next day while I am at work she moves everything she brought in the house and left to go to someone elses house. i call to check on her and she says she is spending the night (but she took everything) I said ok but she is welcome to say here. I check on her the next day and she tells me to stop calling and texting her so much I am starting to bug her but don't take it the wrong way.

I gave her till the end of the week after she did not call and did not come back, I told her to bring my key and get the rest of the stuff out of the truck. She came by last night and the baby's hair was not combed and she looked bad, clean but not her usual self.

She came over with the same girl that she got in trouble with the credit card fraud. she was nice, she gave me the key and got her stuff and left. she did not even give me the address of where she is staying.

I still tried again, I invited her to the movies with me and her sister and she said she had to get the baby and could not make it. The three of us have been going to the movies each week since Palm Springs. The last time she brought the baby and the baby cried and she had to leave and take her home. So I understand why she did not bring the baby this time.

Then I checked today and she blocked me from her twitter account but I am still her friend on facebook, now that was mean.

Why is she so stuck on living in the getto when she has a nice home to come to? She makes me sad all the time but I still keep trying to reach out to her. I have done everything and have been there for her I just don't understand.
Showing 1 Reply
  • Reply #1 01/21/11  12:22am
    You have done all you can. The letting her know you are there for her is good to a point. However, remember back when we were young and we had friends or boyfriends that were 'too giving'? We did not respond. You have given your daughter your energy and attention and effection for many, many years. You did not choose a man over her and in fact waited until they were grown.

    When young adults are not happy they tend to lash out at their parents to blame. My son is doing this with me now. I think maybe it's because we always were the fixers of their pains when they were children.

    I think now we all just need to recognize that we are ALL adults and we are ALL responsible for our own lives and households. No one is to blame for OUR pain or frustrations. That belongs to us and we must find our own answers.

    In your/my case we need to give ourselves permission to not take the abuse and to realize we spent the main portion of our lives putting our children first. Now THEY are adults and need to put their children first. We need to be in the background.

    Sure if something horrible happens you can be sure they will reach out and we will help BUT bad things happened to you and to me and we picked ourselves up and started again and again and again.

    Hope this helps.

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