ldyjane

New to this group...

Posted on 03/13/09, 10:49 am

Hi.. Do not know how I missed this one... Well, I am struggling really bad.. I am so tired of living my life around food.. I have battled both Bulimia as well as Anorexia. I have been to treatment, I have tried so much, and ED just never seems to go away... I feel as though I am spinning out of control again... I have had ED for over 17 yrs, and have come to the conclusion, that this will be a battle of a lifetime... I just want out of my skin.... I know I just need to shake out of it, but its so hard, and I am so tired... I am losing...........

Peace

• Reply #1 03/13/09  12:13pm
  
  mudflapsgal
  Oh my gosh. You just told my story. I, too, have been struggling with ED (anorexia, bulimia, overeating) for over 15 years. I remember thinking, when I was younger, that this is just a phase and I will grow out of it. HA! I have been to 3 inpatient treatment centers, and relapsed after each one. No one in my circle of friends and family know that I still struggle. But, lately it has been hell. At night is the worst, mostly because I am really good at starving myself all day. At night, the uncomfortable feelings, regrets from the past, financial worries, etc. creep in and I can hardly stand it! Food is my drug, but so is anorexia and bulimia. I have come to the conclusion that I will be dealing with this beast for the rest of my life as well.
  
  I don't have any counseling or support right now because I have no insurance, and the OA groups in my area focus too much on weight loss. This is really my only outlet for support. I would love to be of support to you, and vice versa.
  
  Yes, someday's - well, most days - I feel like I am losing this battle. But, there is a fighter in me that doesn't want to go out like this. Together let's slay this dragon, or at least give this caterpillar a chance to become a butterfly. You are in my thoughts.
• Reply #2 10/28/09  10:45am
  
  kmarlin
  Hi,
  My story is similar as well. I grew up in gymnastics and tumbling... I can remember at 8 years old walking into a gym and thinking "I am the fattest girl in here!!!" Of course, I was not, but the foundation was laid that early!
  The first time I remember purging was at 13. I am 31 now, and have no one in my life who knows about this disorder, including my husband and only sister, who I am very close to. I am feeling very isolated at the moment.
  One of the things I struggle with most is that I have kept this huge secret from so many people. I am afraid that by telling them and asking for their support, I am basically "outing" myself, and changing the way everyone thinks of me. I dont know if I want to go from "strong, hard-working, over-achiever" to "weak, helpless, discusting irrational victim of my own making!" That is the hardest thing for me to deal with! I DID THIS TO MYSELF!!! Now, I cannot make it stop! Ugh! this is not a good feeling at all...
  Hope we can help each other, or at least relate! Bye for now.

this is a group for people who are builimic or in recovery and also people with binge eating disorder