So I'm REALLY confussed and don't know what to do. I know we all have our good days and our bad days with ED and all, but on my bad days I'm adimate that this is what I need to to and this is what I want. Even on my good days I wonder how long it will last. It never lasts and I don't know why. I can start doing well but it never lasts more than two weeks and then even if it seems like nothing happened, I suddenly switch back to restricting and massive exercise. My therapist says she has no doubt that some part of me wants recovery or else I wouldn't be going to see her and I wouldn't have ever said anything, but that for some reason I'm holding on to ED. Seh says he does something for me but I can't figure out what. I'm not happy with him and I'm not happy w/out him, but it seems like I'm happier w/than w/o. Even so I just feel like I'm crazy adn don't know what to do. I feel like there's two of me, I really feel crazy. Is this really what I want and I'm just not ready for it? Do I not really want it? why does it seem to switch for NO reason after a week or 2 of doing well? Am I crazy? I don't know what I want anymore =[