Discussion Topic
inwardly wishing I didn't have recovery/ outwardly attempting smiling
Posted on 01/25/09, 07:57 pm
There is so much going on in my life right now and I am overwhelmed and exhausted. I can't go into any of it and that sucks.
Anyway, my eating is the pits. and truth is at this moment, I dont care. i just don't care. I am numb.
I was in the hospital and because of my previous surgery, my legs ended up swelling up like balloons, and I was forced to take medicine for it and now I don't want to stop taking it.
All I think about is getting smaller.
Despite my working for recovery and continueing my recovery, I just don't stop thinking about food and what it does to me. I haven't been on DS for awhile for any length of time.
I am truly struggling between recovery and just wasting away.
Does anyone feel that way ever?
Anyway, my eating is the pits. and truth is at this moment, I dont care. i just don't care. I am numb.
I was in the hospital and because of my previous surgery, my legs ended up swelling up like balloons, and I was forced to take medicine for it and now I don't want to stop taking it.
All I think about is getting smaller.
Despite my working for recovery and continueing my recovery, I just don't stop thinking about food and what it does to me. I haven't been on DS for awhile for any length of time.
I am truly struggling between recovery and just wasting away.
Does anyone feel that way ever?
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Reply #1 01/30/09 3:26am
I have to always remember that it is not food that does anything to me it is the behaviors associate with food that I do is the enemy. I go back to one day at a time. I am at a loss. -
Reply #2 02/02/09 5:38pm
Still have crazy thoughts about food but am in a more positive place that God wants joy not torture. -
Reply #3 02/02/09 6:27pm
I like that you've updated here in this thread a couple times. Stay motivated- I am having the same sorts of thoughts, myself. It's like, do I REALLY want recovery, especially since it IS really REALLY hard? But honestly, this thread kinda also gives me a boost, knowing that other people are enduring the pain and frustration of recovery. Ughhhh. -
Reply #4 02/03/09 2:12am
thank you for your reply. it is nice to know we are not alone in our ED -
Reply #5 02/08/09 10:06pm
You can do it. You have to choose life. Your family/friends love you. :) -
Reply #6 02/09/09 1:56am
i know its hard, but i believe that you can do it cuz just you saying it helps me to try to stop and there are a lot of us who appreciate people like you who openly tell us wats wrong and just vent. thank you -
Reply #7 10/08/09 8:54pm
Thanks, inner struggles are tough. And I agree with applebaby, thanks for venting it helped me decide to fight on =] -
Reply #8 10/22/09 12:45pm
I feel the same way. When I was trying so hard not to worry about worrying about my weight, I was more stressed out! It's like the one thing that makes me crazy is the one thing that makes me sane. You know? It's hard when you are so used to doing something that it feels normally. People who don't have an ED have a harder time understanding.
Welcome
