Discussion Topic
Divorce After 40 Years==FINALLY!!
Posted on 11/10/09, 10:22 pm
Yes I really am hopeing to find women and men who have given the very best years of thier lives to another and NOW find that when you thought you would be enjoying your "old " years you are instead trying to start over!! I would think this would be like your partner died but yet it is differant somehow. Are there people out there that would like to chat about how we are going to get through all this hurt and find some peace of mind? I am open to chating with men and women about the special problems that come with starting over at this late stage of our lives. I don't think I am too old to start over but I sure as the devil never expected to have to. There are those that will say why the heck start over now at my age (57) and my answer is because I finally have realized I do deserve to find peace of mind and happiness before I leave this old world. I am finally doing what I should have done a very long time ago==I am putting myself first and learning to not feel guility about it ! So If there are others that want to chat give me a hollar !!=Wanda=
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Reply #1 11/11/09 6:00am
Wanda.......there are quite a few people here who are your age or older. I am 52. Life seems to throw all kinds of curves, doesn't it? As a group, we are in many stages of starting over, and our stories vary. It is our similarities of marital longevity that unite us. Welcome. -
Reply #2 11/11/09 6:45am
I was married 33 years and am one of the older ones on here. I will be divorced two years this Dec. I will say I was the one that also asked for my divorce. It still wasn't an easy process, but I made it.
My life is so much easier when the ex is quiet and not trying to pull me into one of the games he is trying to play with peoples' lives. Even then it is still better because I don't respond to his stunts. He know longer is the center of my life.
Welcome to this group. You will find a lot of great people who are willing to help. -
Reply #3 11/11/09 8:20am
Welcome Wanda. Yes, you deserve happiness and peace of mind. And, from my perspective (almost 55), 57 is not old! -
Reply #4 11/11/09 3:07pm
Hello all! This is dreaming grandma here asking that anyone that wants to know some more on my story that just might help to go to "I'm not alone in this" I sent her an answer to her post and I found myself telling her what happened to get where I am now. I am going to also put it in my journal later so you can look there also. I just want so much to know I may say something that will help another woman in her path to peace of mind and the love we ALL have a right to find. I just don't want another woman to make the mistakes I have made if I can possibly prevent it! I am so VERY happy to have found all of you and I appreciate all I am learing by reading everyones post. Thanks to you all !==Wanda== -
Reply #5 11/11/09 8:43pm
Welcome aboard. I'm 57 young, ending 35 year relationship. Indeed, the new ratbastard ex threw in a curve ball, it hurt really bad and left total destruction in its wake....as if looking at damages from a tornado for miles. But, I'm done, well done with his crap. Forget him.
I now think along the theory of "repositioning" oneself as the new attitude. One can do a better life without a sabotage. "One may have to change horses to get where they want to go" and "if the horse is dead, get off."
I figure, I got 20 good years to be with a new person who is worthy. That will be the "blessing".
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Reply #6 11/12/09 8:34pm
Thank you for the inspiration and confirmation Wanda. I am 55 and feel exactly the same as you do. I'm looking forward to your future posts. -
Reply #7 11/13/09 9:26am
What I like is the freedom I did not have before. If I had wanted to stop off and have a beer or drink with the guys after work, I would have come home to someone that would be drunk and screaming that I am screwing someone, then she would call the cops and I would have to go somewhere for a few hours.
Or if I even thought about talking to another woman about work stuff, I would have come home to someone that would be drunk and screaming that I am screwing someone, then she would call the cops and I would have to go somewhere for a few hours.
Or if I decided to go on a rally with the other members of the Mustang club, I would have come home to someone that would be drunk and screaming that I am screwing someone, then she would call the cops and I would have to go somewhere for a few hours.
Or if I needed to go out of town on business, I would have come home to someone that would be drunk and screaming that I am screwing someone, then she would call the cops and I would have to go somewhere for a few hours.
The good part about being this age is that I don't have to be this age. I can now enjoy myself as I see and feel fit to do. And ya know, I'm healed. -
Reply #8 11/13/09 12:19pm
I LOVE humor.!!!! Thanks Puter. You made me smile. -
Reply #9 11/13/09 12:30pm
Puter does a great job with that. When he's free he can get drunk and scream that HE is screwing someone--and not worry about going anywhere for a few hours unless he WANTS to screw someone else. Thanks puter--you do add some levity here that is much needed and greatly appreciated. -
Reply #10 11/13/09 8:52pm
I'm 63 years old and have been married 42 years.
I'm just at the beginning of the divorce process. The stbx is not making things easy, no surprise there, but I'm looking forward to the end when I can move on.
I was the one who filed, finally, after all these years of his verbal and emotional abuse.
People have asked me what made me realize that the marriage was over.
It was a gradual process. I started seeing that giving in to his demands was a way of life, and that was not the life I wanted to live anymore.
I gradually stopped asking myself what else I could do to make him happy, and I realized that I had never really asked myself if he was making me happy.
When I started asking myself that question enough, I couldn't deny the fact that he was not making me happy, never did make me happy, never kept one promise he made to me, and didn't feel any remorse for thinking only about what he wanted.
I'd love to wake up tomorrow and be divorced, with enough money to pay the bills, but I know I have to go through this divorce mess and stay strong.
There is lots of good advice and emotional support here, Wanda, and some laughs, which we all need to get through the day.
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I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40 etc.
