Discussion Topic
DISRESPECTED
Posted on 11/08/09, 10:08 pm
I was answering one of the posts tonight and was talking about how time eases the intense pain. And then I talked to a friend of mine who has been divorced for 9 years and she had just found out that I had gotten a divorce. I asked her some questions about her divorce and she said, "you know, I can hardly remember how I was feeling through the whole divorce. It was like it was another lifetime". So I realized that with time, it will just be a passing emotion. Hard to believe after the intense pain that still feels so real at times. I know that one of the huge benefits of DS is that those ahead of us give us hope to get through the tough times. So I just wanted to share what my friend had said.
Hugs to all.
Hugs to all.
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Reply #1 11/09/09 12:02am
thanks for sharing, I am sure it will dull (hopefully it wont be due to dementia) joking.. hard to imagine this pain being a memory, although in the time which has passed for me it is better.. Hugs -
Reply #2 11/09/09 1:28am
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Reply #3 11/09/09 6:32am
My first divorce was soon forgotten too. But this one. I think it's going to hang around for some time. He is causing me problems again. Damn "him again". He was becoming just a memeory until he decided to cut my alimony in half. That's what I live on. I have no job. I want him to be that distant memory. But damn it I need to eat and live and thrive. -
Reply #4 11/09/09 11:27am
I do not think you ever forget the pain if it was painful, but I do believe that you forget about the other person, and you may forget some of the details. I also know that many of us here are "wounded" and we have to remember that some people are the ones that wanted out, we seem to be the ones that did not want to divorce. What I do believe is that unless you have gone through this, you do not understand it completely, you can have empathy and be helpful, but the undivorced do not get it! I heard, just stop thinking about him...
You will forget the details, I know I already had to look up the exact date we filed.. I never ever thought I would forget that day, as that was the tough one for me, we filed jointly and that is when I was the most emotional. Now I remember that I fit into a really small pair of brown linen pants... I mourn that more than the filing.. the small size! I have a good memory and do not forget the details, but I do know that you can move on, move forward and be happy. I believe that if you were in shorter marriage or relationship and got divorced in your 20's or 30's and the details may not have been so involved. Long term marriage is a lot more to deal with as you have not only a long history and probably children together, but assets and financial that makes things complicated.. and a 6 year relationship in your twenties is different then a 25 year one in your 40's and 50's.
I remember thinking would I ever reach the point where I did not think about him every day? I did, and it is great. Someone asked me, " do you think he thinks about you?" I said, biweekly...( when he gets his pay statement) I am in a better spot, happy, and I am fortunate I have no contact, none. A year it took to divorce, I was divorced in spring of 2008, and when people told me you will reach a point where I am now.. I did not believe it. Believe!
I just forgot again when we filed, it was August 07...but the day? Gone! -
Reply #5 11/10/09 5:28am
I agree that it's good for the newbies to see that this pain does go away. I was pm'ing another DS member this morning and she is just starting the process. I was amazed how I could speak of my ex's affair without any emotion at all. I will love the day when I can forget him altogether.
Great post--thanks for sharing.
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I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40 etc.
