supportplease

Do you like people?

Posted on 06/19/09, 01:22 pm

I have come to feel that the VASTE majority (like just about everyone) of people think of only themselves and what they can get from others.

I see it with my kids too, where other kids use eachother constantly, leaving people out with no feeling for how it makes the other person feel.

I always try to include people (and tell my kids to do that too) and to call people if they are ill. Rarely (usually NEVER) do people do the same for me or my kids.

I tell my kids that they have to grow a tough outer skin because I don't want them hurt by others like I have been....but everyday I am reminded of how disallusioned and disappointed I am with people.

• Reply #1 06/29/09  3:32pm
  
  SimonM
  Yes I think I have come to a position where I can say I like all people. I really believe that there is no person that is inherently bad.
  
  All the bad that people do say or think comes from feelings of resentment, envy, injustice, false pride, greed etc that people have. We need to understand where these negative sentiments are comming from and we can do this by looking into ourselvesand being honest about what we find. By looking into ourselves and being honest with ourselves, we can also make ourselves better people.
• Reply #2 07/02/09  9:00pm
  
  Atay
  Gee, you know, I think people think of me like that. That I care only for myself and what I can get from others. However, it's just not true. For example, my mother in law expects to be included in plans, expects to be called, expects to be informed. No. Does that mean I don't care? Not at all. It means, mainly, I am a private person. If someone is ill, I USUALLY call, but there are times when I forget because I'm busy and I simply don't think about it. I think that's different than thinking about it and then choosing not to do it. That seems more selfish. Also, I have a radar for people that depend on the blessings and extra mile from other people. Those are the people I tend to ignore and stay away from. If someone expects my participation, beyond, common kindness, then I find that score keeping and petty. So I hope that maybe helps explain that maybe, just maybe, we're not all that bad. My intentions are to treat others as I have been treated. Meanwhile, I find it important to maintain my boundaries and realize other people aren't always "people people." Hope I'm forgiven for being this way.
• Reply #3 07/03/09  4:49am
  
  barbdetroit
  I hate talking on the phone, but love people in general. I love chatting and carrying on with people I don't know. They seem to be safe. Barb-Detroit
• Reply #4 07/04/09  3:28pm
  
  Jules9999
  i think you have to be at ease with yourself first before u can truly open your heart to others - it takes a lot of work and we live in an age where materialism rules and jobs / money are at risk. I think it brings out the worst survival instincts in people. I work in a place where i thought people came to be quite close as a team but when the credit crunch hit and jobs were threatened the veneer seemed to come off. I guess its human nature but a shame none the less.
• Reply #5 10/15/09  10:29am
  
  barbdetroit
  I hate emotional vampires. They make me sick and upset with how they take and never give. Barb-Detroit
• Reply #6 10/15/09  2:22pm
  
  SimonM
  I have learned that the best way to really reach an understanding with people is to share something about myself. Many people who at first may seem hostile I can get along well with if I unilaterally open up and share about my own experiences which may relate to their situation.
  
  Of course there are some people who will just throw what you say in your face and like barb said some people you find are just emotional vampires, this is why we all need to develop healthy boundaries.
• Reply #7 10/27/09  5:43pm
  
  nettiew
  Something I never learned as a child was how to get along with people. I can be really vulnerable when someone says something mean to me. I tend to impersonalize everything people say to me. I do like people but I do not know how to make good relationships and keep them.
  Nettie-Spokane
• Reply #8 10/28/09  7:07pm
  
  SimonM
  nettiew,
  
  I understand one of the hardest things to do in life is to be authentic to yourself, to be vunerable when need be and to stand up for yourself and others when you or they are treated badly even when you know that people will attack you for doing this.
  
  This in my view is the true meaning of courage, feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Treating others as you would want them to treat you even when they treat you badly, standing up for yourself when the need arises and not letting people put you down, speaking up for others when they are afraid to speak up for themselves and all the not having vengeful thoughts, feeling resentful or bearing a grudge.
  
  In the end this is often the hardest course but the only course which is true to ourselves. It is removing the mask and refusing to delude others or ourselves. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
  
  It may well be that it is too dificult to suddenly start living a life that is 100 authentic to you but this is not necessary you can take baby steps show compassion somebody in need even knowing you may invoke the scorn of others. Spend time on an activity you like even though others may think it is silly.
  
  When it comes to relationships Nettie just be yourself with people and if they don't accept you the way you are then they would not be much of a friend anyway.
  
  Good luck

Hi, This group is dedicated to helping people develop a positive attitude. It is for all depression sufferers, anybody who suffers from anxiety or stress, has suffered bad experiences in the past, or anyone who desires to develop a more positive attitude through positive thinking.