Guess I should write a new one of these...

Posted by silentstar - 05/13/09, 08:05 am

Just saw that the other one says 'This is a new group I've made' - and clearly it's not new any more!

 

First - a welcome to all the new (and not so new) members. And apologies that I haven't been around for a while. I was quite astonished to return today and see so many members. I'm not sure whether to say I'm glad to see so many members - because that sort of implies that I'm glad that so many people were abused by their mothers, which obviously I'm not glad about! But I'm glad to see that there are people who are finding the group useful - I honestly wasn't sure when I made it whether anyone would join. I don't know how common it is to have an abusive mother, or indeed to be aware of having an abusive mother. As I said before, when I was first seeking help and healing, about 15 years ago, there were simply no resources available. People genuinely didn't seem to realise that mothers could be abusive. Nowadays there are more resources, but still, abuse tends to be seen as more of a male thing. One reason I find other 'abuse survivors' groups a bit hard to relate to is a lot of people have an accompanying hatred for males. So the experience of an abusive mother really seems quite unique in some ways.

 

Well, I thought also I would introduce myself, as I started this group. Honestly, I'm not really sure if there are any 'leadership' expectations of people who start groups. I don't really have a leader type personality, but if there are specific things you'd like me to do, then let me know. I really just started the group so that people with abusive mothers could have a place to go to express their feelings and support each other in an understanding environment.

 

I suppose it would be helpful to add that I have Asperger Syndrome, so the way I express myself might seem a bit direct or blunt or analytical or unemotional sometimes. Please don't take this personally - I never intend rudeness, and I do feel emotion and empathy but am just not always so good at injecting it into my words (and I'm British too - we do not express ourselves as emotionally as Americans do anyway!). Also, please do be very direct with me if there is something you'd like me to do, or if I've said something you don't like. I honestly don't know what sort of things people who start groups are supposed to do - other than I've noticed a few of them send weekly supportive messages to everyone in the group, but I'd rather not do that, because I know it can be annoying to get group messages (I've left a few groups purely because I didn't like getting messages) and also because I don't know if I'd be organised enough to keep it up. But if anyone has any ideas or suggestions for the group, let me know. It seems to be working well as a supportive group in general. People are sometimes having some different opinions and approaches, but seem to be able to get past those and remain supportive. I think diversity is great - we all come from very different backgrounds with different experiences of maternal abuse and different ways of coping with it.

 

Thanks to everyone for all your contributions to the group. 

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For those of us whose mothers were (or still are) abusive to us. In a society that puts mothers on a pedestal it can often be lonely dealing with the feelings of hurt, betrayal, anger, emptiness and grief of having an abusive mother. People with loving mothers often find it hard to believe or understand. Here is a safe place to express the feelings and find others with similar experiences and support each other.


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