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A.     Skills in asking for what you need or want:

1.       Describe the current situation

2.      Express your feelings and opinions

3.      Assert yourself by asking what you want or saying no

4.      Reinforce or reward the person ahead of time by explaining consequences

5.      Stay mindful by keeping focus on your objectives

6.      Appear confident and effective

7.      Negotiate and be willing to give to get

B.     Skills in your relationships:

1.       Be courteous and gentle

2.      Act interested in the other person by listening to what they say and how they act

3.      Validate by acknowledging his or her feelings, wants, and difficulties

4.      Use a little humor when needed

C.     Skills for self-respect

1.       Be fair to yourself and others

2.      Do not apologies for being alive

3.      Stick to your values

4.      Be truthful

5.      Do not act helpless

6.      Do not exaggerate

D.    Skills for positive emotions

1.       Treat your physical illnesses

2.      Eat right

3.      Do not take mood altering drugs

4.      Get enough sleep

5.      Keep a positive mind by thinking positive

6.      Keep or make positive friends and be a positive friend

7.      Build positive experiences

E.     Skills for distraction against negativity

1.       Do activities you enjoy

2.      Contribute to something or someone

3.      Compare yourself to those less fortunate

4.      Read emotional books, watch emotional movies etc.

5.      Push negative situations away by leaving it for later (containment)

6.      Count to 10, count colors, work, watch TV, do puzzles, word games etc.

7.      Hold ice in your hand, squeeze a rubber ball very hard etc.

F.     Skills for self-soothing by using your 5 senses

1.       Vision – flowers, beautiful art, nature, etc.

2.      Sound – soothing music, sounds of nature, etc.

3.      Touch – stress ball, textures, fingers through your hair, pet an animal etc.

4.      Taste – gum or hard candy

5.      Smell – fragrance, perfume, lotions, etc.

G.    Skills for improving the moment

1.       Imagine scenes that are relaxing

2.      Find or create some purpose, value, or meaning in your life

3.      Pray and open your heart to God

4.      Try muscle relaxing by tensing and relaxing each large muscle group

5.      Focus your entire attention on just what you are doing at the moment

6.      Take a brief vacation by taking a short nap, unplugging your phone, etc

7.      Encourage yourself by repeating positive affirmations

H.    Skill of pros and cons

1.       Make a list of pros and cons tolerating the distress than make another list of pros and cons of ‘not’ tolerating the distress. For example, ‘should I harm myself?’

I.       Skill of acceptance

1.       Free yourself from suffering requires acceptance from deep within of what is.  Let yourself go completely with what is by letting go of fighting reality.

2.      Respond to negative emotions with good rational responses by turning negative thoughts into positive thoughts.