Discussion Topic

Death of child to heroin

Posted on 01/10/10, 12:12 pm
I lost my 23 year old daughter Fallon to heroin on December 11, 2009. Since I was not the custodial parent but I was constant contact with her when she let me in her life, I was unaware of her heroin addiction until a couple months prior to her passing. I had tried to help her in the past with addiction to opiates and alcohol, with trips to rehabs and tough love. But in the end our hearts were broken. Please share your experiences.
Showing 10 Replies
  • Reply #1 01/10/10  3:38pm
    Dear Philip,

    Do not worry- I am am not staying here - this is going to be a great place for Fathers, and step fathers who are hurting and trying to make it through each day. You are a warm and compassionate soul and I know this group will help you and many others. I am proud of you for opening up your heart and pain to share with others.

    One thing you must remember in this journey is that you were a great father to Fallon all of her 23 short years on this earth. ( you are still a great father to 3 other children) You were there when she was born and throughout her childhood. You were there when she was happy and you were there when she wasn't. You did all a father could do and for that you should be proud of you, The grief you feel in your heart is real do not fear it. One day second, one hour at a time. I will always be there for you but I know I can not be everything.
    I love you and I want to thank you in case I never did for letting me get to know Fallon. She was beautiful and always will be in my heart. I also love her.
    Your wife - Fallons step mom,
    Maureen
  • Reply #2 01/13/10  5:23pm
    Yesterday, January 12th, I was informed there was another daughter, 19 years old., in my town that died of a heroin overdose. Again, another parent's heart is broken.
  • Reply #3 01/23/10  11:01pm
    I am so sorry for your lose. Thank you for starting this group. We lost our 26 year old son, Tim, on February 24, 2008. We are approaching year two and still have moments where it just seems to be too much. The day before he died, he was supposed to help his grandmother move. When he finally showed up several hours late and after numerous phone calls, he was clearly on something. I confronted, he denied and got in his truck and drove off. I never saw him alive again. I keep asking my self why I chose to make it an issue that day at that time. I wish it had turned out different. He had come so far with his inpatient detox and after care --60 days clean. I miss him alot. Hope I can be of some support to you,-- I am retired and have way to much time to think about Tim.
    Peter
  • Reply #4 01/25/10  6:20am
    Thank you for sharing. I know the journey we are on is a lifelong journey. It doesn't sound like it will get any easy. I too have lots a time to focus on her. 2009 was a very tough year. I was laid off back in May and lost Fallon in Dec. I know I will recover from the job loss, but it seems that there is no recovering from losing a child. One thing I can offer you when you say "I keep asking my self why...." is you did what you did in the interest of saving you son.
  • Reply #5 02/24/10  1:48pm
    Today is the second anniversary. I will never forget the call from the coroner's office.

    Spending the day with the family today. It seems like my wife Diane and my daughter Chrissy need to remember this day together.
    I'm sure there will be lots of tears and hugs. Hope you are doing well.
    Peter
  • Reply #6 02/24/10  2:16pm
    Peter,

    I do appreciate you sharing with me and hope others will benefit from reading our posts.

    Today is my 17th day at my new job and despite all the excitement and "newness" of my new place of employment, I still think about Fallon everyday. I have a family picture on my desk with her in it and a prayer for her soul under the keyboard to my computer. Tears from eyes have been slower in coming but tears in my heart come every time I think about here.

    Phil
  • Reply #7 08/03/11  4:11am
    How can one go on after the loss of a daughter to drugs
  • Reply #8 08/03/11  7:54am
    Dear jpaintindj,

    First, I am sorry to hear you joined this group. I must assume you just lost a child to drugs.
    In answer to your question, a most difficult question at that...Join a bereavement support group. There other dads and parents out there trying to cope. Hearing their stories will help comfort you and you will find it easier to get up in the morning and go about your daily routine. Don't think you won't think about your child every day. You will, and you will cry and question and wonder. As time goes forward, you will find the horror of this experience will not go away but the pain will ease. Ease very slowly. As I do everyday, I reflect on all aspects of this and take solace in the knowledge that my daughter is in a better place.
    The last thing I can offer you, while I do not know your circumstances, I do not take blame for what occurred. I feel I did everything I could to help my daughter and her addictions. Ultimately, it was her choosing to do drugs and the consequences that came with it. I got off the 'guilt train' very earlier. Riding that train was a living hell.
  • Reply #9 02/13/13  2:49pm
    Dear Phil,
    I am not a father, I am a mother, but I saw your discussion and wanted to share my story with you as well. I lost my 21 year old daughter Staci in June 2011. She was introduced to heroin at 17, though I was unaware of what she was using until much later. She told me only a week before she passed that she would ultimately die from the drug because of her love for it. She lost her battle, but not from heroin but rather methadone, a drug used by doctors to counteract the affects of heroin (1250 mg according to the coroner report)! I have lost my best friend, my sweet and beautiful daughter who had such a love for life, but unfortunately her love of other things stole her life away. She traveled since she turned 19 with a company selling makeup and did very well as anyone would buy makeup to look that beautiful! I could tell she was losing her fight with drugs however and begged her to move in with me only 3 months before she passed. As Peter, who I read lost his 23 year old son Tim, I also asked my daughter to leave my home as I was preparing to be married only 2 days later and people were coming into town. I was angry as they were having to meet my daughter who could barely speak due to slurring her words on the morning she passed. I remember her stumbling as she was stepping into the passengers seat of a car with a man whom she had met only a few weeks before, and watched as she drove away for the last time. I found my daughter hours later lying dead in her own bed as he had brought her home while I was out and put her to bed. Not in a million years could I have imagined such a tragedy. For quite some time, I had to tell myself to breathe after that. The suffering was great, as you well know.

    Then only 6 months later my oldest daughter, age 26, relapsed after just having gained custody back from the state of her 2 young children who had been in 3 different foster care homes over a period of 1-1/2 years. I learned that my oldest daughter was now also abusing heroin! I ultimately got custody of her children and am now raising my 2 grandchildren who are now 6 and 7 years of age. My daughter's battle is great and I have begged beyond words for her to get the help she needs, but ultimately the choice is hers and hers alone. She could lose this battle any day and I am at a loss for words.

    Through all of this, however I have had to make a choice myself that I was not going to give up but rather that I was going to live, and that is was when I had to stop questioning why and start thanking God, even if I do not understand.
  • Reply #10 02/14/13  8:18am
    cfar,
    I am sorry for your loss of Staci. For me the pain is still there 3 1/2 years later and probably will be to the day I die.. As far as your oldest daughter, being she is still alive there is still hope to save her from her addiction. Enlist the help of professionals. Don't think you can do this yourself and don't give up until she is clean. Remember she was once a baby in your arms, with you protecting her from the world and providing comfort and her every need. She may be 26 but she is still your baby.

    You have to understand, that her addiction is a disease and does not allow her to think clearly. If her thoughts were clear she wouldn't been on drugs. You may be tired from the fights and the begging and you see that doesn't work. So don't give up.

    Thank you for sharing, as it helped me keep strong and remember my Fallon. Everyday I remember Fallon in some way. Today, I remember her that she was part of a problem that other parents and children share. It is our responsibilty to help others as best we can. Today, I am trying to help you cope and tell you there is hope and not to give up. Be strong and fight the battle for your baby's sake.

Welcome

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