LaRubia

Just lost my Dad, and now I'm an orphan

Posted on 03/03/09, 09:29 pm

My father passed away in his sleep on Sunday, February 22, 2009. He passed away on what would have been my parent's 56th wedding anniversary. He had just been diagnosed with a "narrowed aortic valve" 2 days earlier; he decided not to have surgery to fix it. He suffered for the last 13 years with Epilepsy and Parkinson's brought on by a major stroke. My mother passed away on March 8th, 2008, and it's been a very rough year for me. I woke up today and just felt . . . numb. I just feel like there's this storm of activity going on all around me, and I'm in the center of the hurricane, and everything is very still. I still feel like it's really not over yet, mainly because I'm not sure if there's still bills to pay that my brother and I don't know about. Thankfully Dad had extra $$ in his bank account to cover his expenses, but I'm still worried there may be more $$ to pay off something else, and I'm tired of spending money out of my rapidly dwindling savings account. *sigh* I'm just so tired of grieving, and just want to get on with my life! It doesn't make it easier that the job I've been working at for a year now as a "Contract Employee" may or may not be here in the near future - I'm so tired of this f-ing crap economy!! I have had no health insurance for over a year now, and it really sucks. I was laid off from my prior job of almost 5 years back in January of 2008, and I just want to land somewhere and not have any more STRESS! My health is finally back to somewhat-normal (my thyroid decided to quit on me last year, too and gave me Chronic Fatigue - it was HELL), and I just want to finally start LIVING again. I just really want to focus on finding a significant other/spouse/life partner/husband, but am just so frustrated about not having the $$ to be able to do activities that will help me to meet new men. Being 42 and single sucks. At least I don't have kids; that would be even worse, I think. (I've never wanted kids; just don't have the "Mommy Gene") So, I'm just looking for support on this site - I belong to Motherless Daughters, and it (and this site) has been a godsend.

Thanks for listening.

- Dawn

• Reply #1 03/03/09  10:24pm
  
  msoy
  I am so sorry for your loss Dawn, I truly know how you feel. I lost my mom, my best friend Aug 2003 due to breast cancer, then I lost my father, my hero on Feb 26, 2008 very suddenly, due to a tragic car accident. I too feel like an orphan, and trying to settle the estate, and so on. It just plain sucks, it is so hard to be an orphan at the age of 42, yes, I am 42 as well. I have two brothers and with the economy in such the crapper that it is, trying to maintain my parents home until we can sell it has become a struggle, thank God for my brothers though, we are there for each other to lean on. The difference for me though is I am married and have a son, a soon to be 3 year old. My son was the biggest surprise of my husbands and my life, we were not planning on children, I didn't think I had the mommy gene either, well I got prego, while on bc, and well, I would never, ever change my life as it is now. He is so precious and he really has kept me focused during the stressful times over the last year.
  
  Try to focus on the positive, you seem to have set some goals, go for it! The economy will get better, but don't hesitate on your future. I am sure you can find somethings to do that you don't need $$$ to meet new people. Don't know if you like sports, but maybe you can hang-out at local football games; basketball games; softball. Jogging; walking in the park, going to the library, going to the hardware store!! I did hear something about that, people actually have met shopping at Lowes, or Home Depot. I am not making light of things, just saying you just never know where you will meet that special person!! Good luck, and stay positive, I am sure your parents would want that for you.
• Reply #2 03/04/09  5:04am
  
  SueW40
  Hi Hun,I'm so sorry for your loss.Your having alot to deal with at the moment and with things the way they are it feels like it's never ending.Things will sort theirselve out and things will be ok.Try do deal with one thing at a time and make sure you have time for yourselve.Hugs Sue xxxx
• Reply #3 03/17/09  1:50pm
  
  FroggyK
  I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad in December of last year. He had pancreatic cancer. My uncle died the week before my Dad passed away. It just sucks! I think I'm doing better and then I break down again. I just miss my Dad. He was never really involved in my life until the last 2 years. He actually called me just to see how I was doing. My Mom hasn't been the same since she divorced my Dad and nearly died from a brain anyrism. It's just very lonely.
  
  We have helped my step mom with her finances. You do not have to pay credit card debt that is in your Mom or Dad's name. The company may want to see a death cert., but you do not owe it. It helped us to talk with an attourney for an hour just to get some advice.
  
  Hang in there. Try to do things and talk to people that bring you comfort...avoid things that don't! I'm on a mission to organize my house. It at least makes me feel better temporarily. It never hurts to have a little chocolate either. Pray for comfort, strength & someone special to lighten your load.
  
  
  
  
  
• Reply #4 03/19/09  2:35pm
  
  kerryon1
  Hi Dawn. My dad passed away exactly a month ago so I am having a hard time today. He had a sudden heart attack. We opted to have the fluids, meds and life support pulled, as he was only getting worse and it would just be a matter of time. It was horrific to have my dad pass away as I was holding his hand.
  
  Maybe we can support each other. Hang in there.
  
  Kerry
• Reply #5 03/19/09  8:14pm
  
  LaRubia
  Thank you all so much - it's been almost a month now, and I'm just feeling numb. Still haven't written his obituary, and trying not to feel guilty about it. There's so much my brother and I never knew about my Dad; he had such a hard time expressing any feelings at all, except for rage - that one he was too good at - he was very abusive and cruel at times (physically and mentally to me, my brother and my mom), and I just wonder what triggered it in him; he obviously saw his father be abusive, because abuse is LEARNED. *sigh* Part of me is very relieved that he's at peace now. Do I believe he's with my mom? No. (Mom passed suddenly March 8, 2008) After 56 years of being married to him, I'd say she'd had enough. Well, back to work - at least I'm busy these days, which helps. Big hugs to all of you ladies - let's keep eachother strong.
  Love, Dawn
• Reply #6 03/29/09  9:08am
  
  arabgirl
  I too am sorry for your loss. I do know how it feels to feel like you are alone. I lost mom in 2000, and dad in 2005. And while I loss dad I was nearing the end of a 19 month hospital stay. I was scared shitless except I had my brother John. I moved to TN to be near him, the only real family I had left. March 2006 he died too. Was it me? I did not think I could live as a "orphan", I'm not sure how but I did. And the 42 and single. I am 46 and single. No kids, never thought I needed them. But I have grown nieces and nephews that I love like my own. What I am trying to tell you is you will make it. It is a struggle for me to make it thru the day. I tried sucide once. It ended up costing me so much damn money and a night in the funny farm. Everyone says "they" would not want you to be like that.
  You need to hold onto anything in your life tightly and don't let go. It won't be easy, but right here is a good place to start. The people here are so understading, and caring. You took a step in the right direction coming here. I hope you start to feel differently. It gets better, I promise. Good Luck
  suhaila

daughters who have lost their fathers