Hi All!Posted on 03/21/11, 10:13 am
Thanks for making a spot for me. This is good, because I'm so tired of the petty bickering. Some of us had it worse than others, but we all had it bad. I got to sit down and tell someone my condensed version of my story last night. I went and did a little tree surgery, trying to save some trees attacked by somebody really stupid with a weed whacker. I stayed for dinner which was nice. I also found out that this retired doctor in his mid 70's had his time with crap. There are so many tortured ones out there. I'm going to go face my dad for awhile today. It's my chance to find out what happened to him before he dies. This may be a toughy, but ya know, it's time! This question has been on my mind for a long time and it could open the door for me to help someone else in my family. Maybe I'll have something good to tell my sis, when she gets back from Haiti. God, she says they are seeing 300 a day at the clinic. I'm so proud of her. I worry about her a lot too, because she's become dangerously overweight. She now realizes it's due to the shit we went through. I just have to tell myself this won't be as bad as the day I spent looking down the barrel of a .45 that time. I'm feeling quite calm now, which feels kinda strange, because I thought I'd be getting all whipped up. It tells me I needed to do this. He's going to be stuck listening, because he needs help getting up into his walker. It's good timing too, because I see my therapist tomorrow. I'll be thinking of all of you today too.
Reply #1 03/21/11 11:37am
Hi treego; I don't know your story, but we in here have all been thru the grinder. Was your father the abuser? I don't know if I could just talk to my tormentor. He is probably dead by now. But it is an opportunity to get shit off your chest face to face. Try to be calm, and don't expect a whole lot of remorse. Abusers don't appear to have apathy. Be brave as you can, and please never look down the barrel of 45's. As long as you have life you have a chance to change things a bit and maybe enjoy a little overdue happiness. Life is way too short to throw away. I almost put a bayonet in my belly durring a manic episode. I obviously missed. bad shot. Did break both hands on an big ol oak tree. Tree didn't even notice. Let us know how it went. I am new here but I am sure all here wish you only the best. Time for work. DC
Reply #2 03/21/11 7:55pm
I did just fine, kept a cool head. I had already confronted him back in '91. I just wanted to know for my sake and sis's sake if he had been abused and if so, who it was. If he was to die and I didn't ask, I'd have felt like I had unfinished business. He said nobody, but then mumbled something about some guy trying to kiss him when he was 16. I'm feeling ok, a little worn out, because I didn't have enough sleep, but I'll probably sleep good tonight!
Reply #3 03/21/11 9:18pm
Good for You treego.. I am sure that was tuff. I think most of our abusers have a history of their own, they just can't admit it and work thru it. Plus the programming they do to us and had done to them is sometimes hard if not impossible to change. I think WE are better, stronger people than they could ever be. There will most likely always be questions. I will never forget when my abusers "mammy" came to visit us just before she passed.This was a for sure old toothless pipe and cigg smokin, whiskey drinkin,hillbillie from Alabama, not modern Alabama, still fightin the civil war etc... Anywho she liked me and one time he up and slapped his momma across the face, I opened mouth insert fist. she told me not to take him none to mind as he was teched (touched) in the haid (head). She told me I was a good boy and don't grow up like him... She sure was a character. Well treego you best get some rest, I have to get supper going for the misses when she gets home from work!! Don't want a tired hungry misses. She might want to spank me!! Oh wait I might like Her to spank me???? just kiddin, or am I????? be well
Reply #4 03/22/11 12:04am
Thanks, I think I like you brother. Sounds like we come from similar backgrounds. My daddy was a beaver and otter trapper when he wasn't falling timber or molesting his sons. His dad died when he was twelve and my grandma went insane not long after. She died aspirating, while fighting a straight jacket. We'll talk more. Is the Yreka, like in California?
Reply #5 03/22/11 11:19am
It is a small world. I must tell you I have not had extensive therapies and so far don't take the meds they want me to take, tried a few, I don't like being a zombie.!! So if I say something it is only MY opinion or experience, the way I feel. Don't ask me to answer you truthfully and openly if you don't want to hear what I have to say. I did not come here to hurt anyone. I don't see things/life/death/the world, as most folks. I am not most folks. but I do walk this world in Peace. The way I avoid being like our abusers. I am not here to judge anyone nor be judged. We all learn to believe and survive (so far) in out own ways. I only came here DS to find out about another genetic disorder. I had never heard of DS or web support groups. I have never been in one before. I don't do well in crowds. I have little patients for bull shit, and have no problem let one know. Sorry I just wanted to be clear I am in no way and expert, or professional. Just another soul trying to make some sense of life.
Yes tree, Yreka CA. Gods country!! well I love it here. We (family, wife, 3 kids) moved from LA. I/we didn't want our kids brought up in what we had to. LA schools suck. Drugs,gangs, teachers that don't give a shit (most not all). So here we are 25 years later. When we moved here I didn't even know what a chain saw was. Now I can drop a tree like a pro, I learned from the pros. I love the woods. I am a photographer and nature is always callin. And it is in my back yard. Love to fish/bass. We have some nice lakes, I do the rivers anymore due to stupid restrictions and added cost etc. California sucks when it comes to their rules. They want your tax dollars but they don't want you to actually go out and use that which, technically belongs to the people of the usa .
Now heres one way I have sort a delt with some of this shit. I try to find as many (if any) good time/s that i may have experienced. The worst of my exposure was for 8 years 8 to 16. When my mom would "leave " him we would go back to Oklahoma. I would be dropped off at my grandparents and she and my sis would live with one of her sisters, in another town. My grand pa is probably the single reason I have any sanity or even life. He never judged me, beat me, called me mean names (queer faggot pussy, no I'm not gay. I am just "ultra sensitive"), he was always strait/honest with me. He was old then, I don't think he had a mean bone in his body. But he had a way of turning some of the pain around.. I probably am quoting his words most the time. I am rambling. We are all brothers and sisters in the bigger scheme of life. We can choose to walk in peace and help each other or be be at war with life and man.
my grandpa told me once after some one had called him a name or insulted him (can't member for sure). anyway, I asked him why it didn't make him mad etc.? He said" What they Say can't hurt you unless You let it hurt you!". Which I have found to be true. Kind logical. The hard part is remembering that when some one is downgrading you or whatever. We tend to react ie; hurt feelings, get mad... yes me too. I am only almost perfect. If you don't believe just ask me..... I have to get.. So take care "my friend" and we will talk again should we choose to do so........ hey check out my photos. they are totally disgusting....later DC
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