i hav posted this in other place but you all are closer to my age and may know this situation better. any comment any one else feel this way
i done
i am tired of being here
i try to tell my story
but nothing comes out
i drained of seeing him everyday
all i here is it is my fault and why are you this way
i just want to shout
i want to say
i is you who made me this way
everyday you scream and beat me
to show that your right
people think you are so great with that mask on
take that mask off and don't be a coward
go on show them
who you really are
i am exhausted of sneaking around
being around you
you are dead to me and i have not energy to
speak or mave for you
so go ahead do your worse
because i have seen it
and taken it
you might be in my head all the time
controling me but i still have my escape that you haven't found
there are gap in my brain which you can't see
they are mind take and give away
i am drained
you have taken every drop of my blood in my heart and squeezed it out
you have made me not trust, love, or care for people has i had once did.
you have taken my lifde from me.
i could have been a bright, beaiutful, confident, and overall extraordinaire but you took your hand and pulled that right outside of me
i could and would have been a different person if it was not for you
you change me and now that is bad
i can't be that fun loving 3year old i wish stayed with me
i am a cold hard 16 year that has more problem than you can say
i mess up and screwed up because of you
and you
you
want to say it is my fault for what i say or do
you can call me all you want or punish me
but that is not going to change what is fact
what is written so clearly on my body and in my mind
you are my dems and my shadow that won't go way.
i am sleepy and plain tired
of being up everynight seeing your face in person or in my head
having a video replay what just happen
putting the mask on so your perfect world stays
stays still so no one can know
your mask and my mask are so different but come together somehow everyday
i am trying to rip it off
using my hands,
nails,
pliers,
and shred it
but we all know only another layer is add
one layer comes off and you add 10 more
the past, present and the future
i know what has happen
i know what is happening now
i know what i want to happen in the future but
to leave is the unknown
who to get involved
who to help
who will get mad
who to tell
it is my responsiblity
not their
you instilled that in me
for so many years
as i sit here i can fell every hit,
slap,
whip,
or grain of rice as if it was yesterday
getting opushed or digging in my skin
i can see the bruise or the the skin getting ripped infront of my eyes
you don't even need to be in the room
but
i
yes i will know you are right behind me
whispering in my ear do this or that knee here or there
telling how to do this or that what is the right way or the wrong
you started my life and now you have successful strated to end it
thses may be random thoughts and idea trying to make sense
but this is you speak in me from all the hurt and pain
i still may not be able to speak
shout
but it is stuck in my throat and it can't stay there for long
i started to open my eyes
last year i said to my mother and now this year i have continued
this building you have built me
which started as a giant hole
and add several layers of dirt
now is 16 story building on top of the hole you put on me
is still there no one can hear me yet
it too deep
under the hole
under the dirt
under the building
but everyday inches will come off
and i will be set free
and from this year i have learned maybe i can break free
i may lose what i know but i will lose so much more
and love it
but can you
i mean your control let me
i am trapped and dead beat
to know what to do
how do i start
how do i continue
how do i keep this lie
you can make me shake,
make me not sleep,
make me have panic and axiety attacks
or make me not be me not be me but you can't make me not scream
shout what i do know
you are fake and you can put that on me put it won't stay
my life is over
it is said and done
but
wait there could be a start
but where
you have instilled in me so many wrong ethnics
that what is right must be wrong
so who to trust\
who to love
who to care for
who to tell
what to do
what would i want to do
if i speak will anyone truely hear
the ones most closely to me or most far
will they except it
or move on
people should not be responsilbe for me
i have to take it on my own
show that i can take it
not bother pweople with my problems
i am tired so they must be
what to do
stuck it up and put my old mask on
start like i never spoke
start over
but how
that is where i feel free
safe
really
am i kinding myself
he is the man and i am his doormat
so i should let him keep wiping his dirt and problems on me
the twist and turns in my stomach aches
you did this to me and for that i am worn out
all the event and problem you have put on me have pilled out and soon or later they will speak because all of the hurt
bruises
degradeding
belittling
ptsd
panic
axiety attack
and so much more are cripping to close
to the surface that i am burned out
i am worn out from you
you will stop runing my life
and i will move on because you are the he and he is my father and i am your daughter not a doormat
can we can co-xist with each other
so
i am gone
done
I AM WORN OUT!!!!