I'm not sure I could tell you the difference with any confidence. I probably could have once, but not anymore.
I don't know whether I was in love with OW or obsessed with her, but I do know that after a year and a half, my feelings for her haven't changed. Fortunately, my feelings for my wife have been getting stronger over that time, so I feel there's still reason to hope.
Discussion Topic
Love or obsession?
Posted on 11/09/09, 02:07 pm
The affiar did love them or were you obsessed with them? How do you feel now?
-
Reply #1 11/09/09 3:58pm
-
Reply #2 11/09/09 6:31pm
I thought it was love, but later realized it wasn't. I wouldn't say it was an obsession either, but a heavy infatuation. -
Reply #3 11/09/09 9:55pm
My H says it was infatuation. Either way it hurts, but I guess infatuation is a little easier to handle and understand. Fortunately infatuation gives way to well . . . nothing. My H says he has no feelings for the OW now. He doesn't even want a friendship with her and wonders what he ever felt for her and why it got so out of hand. I guess if it was love that wouldn't be the case so it is a small consolation. Very small. -
Reply #4 11/09/09 10:20pm
I loved my OM, I don't know how deep the love ran though, whether it was just affection or real true relationship love. I loved him like a brother for a long time before the affair. I know...sounds kinda creepy and no I wouldn't have a relationship with my brother but one day it all just turned weird and this strange spirit of lust and intense passion overcame us. We understood each other sexually more than I have understood any person ever before adn vice versa. That was the draw. In my opinion I love him but because of that love I wouldn't ever want to be with him again and for him to compromise his marriage for me. Make sense? That's the kind of love I have for him. I miss the intimacy we shared but that is all. -
Reply #5 11/10/09 1:38am
My OM has been a friend for years, and the affection I've always had toward him is so much stronger now than ever before. I love him very much. He and I have recognized that if we weren't both married we could easily live happily ever after and I think we've observed enough of each others real lives to assess that accurately. Lately this feels obsessive but mostly because we work together most days and still socialize often, and most of my free conscious time is spent trying to figure out where to go from here. The more I love my OM the more I love my H, which is so hard to explain and yet the absolute truth in my heart. And my H knows that I love this OM, that I consider him a soul mate in a way, how much it means to me to have him in my life, and his family in our lives. Polygamy starts to sound pretty reasonable from where I'm standing. -
Reply #6 11/10/09 10:23am
What is the difference between Love and Obsession, anyway? I have some of my own ideas on that, but like I said, I'm not sure I could say them with conviction anymore. The only way I can think of to describe the difference is to use the sort of platitudes that would not be out of place on a bumper sticker. For instance:
_________________________
"Obsession is when you're willing to die for someone. Love is when you're willing to live for them."
"Love is when you hope the other person feels the same way about you as you do about them. Obsession is when you're afraid that might be true."
"Love can be satisfied. Obsession is forever hungry for more."
"Gazing into her eyes for ten minutes without regard to what's going on around you is Love. Staring at her photograph for an hour under the same circumstances is obsession."
"When you love someone, you might ask to be their friend on Facebook. When you're obsessed, you try to hack into their page."
"Love is about sharing. Obsession is about needing."
"When you're in love, you think about someone all the time. When you're obsessed, you wonder what they're thinking all the time."
_________________________
Are any of these true? Maybe. But I think that this last one is also true, in a way:
"Being In Love is a socially acceptable form of Obsession." -
Reply #7 11/10/09 11:34am
I was little of all of the above. I think about her everyday. I miss her friendship more then anything. If she should contact me I would most likely talk although I would never initiate anything EVER! I've cause her enough trouble. I'm not blocked so I can keep up with her on fbook if the mood strikes and it does from time to time. I don't know why i feel the need to torture myself like that but I do. -
Reply #8 11/10/09 2:00pm
i totally agree with all !!!! obession or love. vise/versa....the more i crave the OM, the stronger my love grows for my H. why does this ahppen. it doesnt make sense. -
Reply #9 11/10/09 4:05pm
Reading about how many of the OM/OW in these affairs were friends makes me even more certain that friendships with the opposite sex are dangerous territory and shows how something that seems innocent can quickly become illicit. -
Reply #10 11/10/09 4:25pm
Your right wont. I think it very rare. It's just the way we are. We are animals in the end. I'll all about proactivity. If I allowed myself to be friends with OM (certain OM) then I would be tempted just as my H and others have been tempted. It's all about protecting myself. I realize that in some situations, such as work, relationships are unavoidable. But at the same time, I've worked with men for 10 years and I've not crossed any lines.
I thinking the same things from the posts that I read too. In so many instances, you hear cheats say that it just happened all of a sudden, everything was fine, just friendly, then all of a sudden one day something changed. For me, I know it's not a good idea to have friends of the opposite sex. I don't want to be tempted in any way.
Welcome
Join This Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
