DreaminBlue

Regaining Trust

Posted on 11/09/09, 01:54 pm

There are no excuses for cheating, but I want forgiveness and to be treated like a normal person again. What is some advice or guidance?

I cheated over 1 year ago on my current boyfriend. This incident occurred at the beginning of our relationship when I was still getting over my ex. Then one night out drinking I unexpectedly run into my ex after not speaking for a month and we hook up.

There is more to the story, but how do I get him to trust me again? I don't cheat, I spend all my free time with my boyfriend. Occasionally I see my friends, maybe once every couple of months. I'm expected to tell all male friends to never text me or message me on facebook.

• Reply #1 11/09/09  2:10pm
  
  lovemarriage
  transparency, communication, understanding, patience, love, hugs, kisses, cards, love letters, compliments, date nights... I could go on and on.
  
  Show him, really show him, there are lots of reasons to trust you again. the more of these things that you do, the quicker the trust will grow (MPE).
  
  If you love your H and if he's not be abusive to you, don't give up on him. This is a painful thing for everyone ivolved. Lean on one another as much as you can.
  
  1 year may seem like a long time, but really it's not! I think that it takes a year to really beging to heal.
• Reply #2 11/09/09  2:52pm
  
  invisible65
  You didn't cheat with just some guy, this was a recent ex and you were only a month into a new relationship. I think it's reasonable to expect that it would take time to resolve your feeling for your last boyfriend. Maybe not the best decision, but certainly more understandable than some other circumstances. I think it's fair to ask what level of commitment can be expected after only a month with a new boyfriend, no ring on your finger, not married, etc.
  
  It used to be that time spent together prior to engagement and marriage was called dating, with limited commitment offered or expected. It seems these days commitment is expected after so little time that people could barely hope to get to know each other. It took years to really get to know my husband; the first month was a preliminary interview. I don't know why our culture has decided that intercourse equals commitment.
  
  I would be really wary of the whole controlling thing regarding facebook and texting, and especially limiting the time you spend with female friends. With only a month invested, he could have walked away if he couldn't get over your cheating. Isolating your from the support of your social circle is going overboard. That kind of controlling is often the precursor to an abusive relationship and I think you need to be very careful.
• Reply #3 11/09/09  3:45pm
  
  Shewolf101
  This is a boyfriend not a Husband. I'm inclined to agree with invisible.
  Be careful. I would be cautious before I took this relationship too far.
  
  As for trust,lovemarriage gave you good advise.
• Reply #4 11/10/09  6:32am
  
  tracylynnc
  dreaminblue....i also have the same questions....i need more ideas onwhat to do...ive done everything cards, letters, texts, massages, being transparent...what else....when do i get it..i want to feel normal again
• Reply #5 11/12/09  1:25pm
  
  1curious
  DreaminBlue, If you find a way please share it with us. It's been over 3 1/2 years for me and there are days I feel like I'd rather him leave me than to feel like less of a person the rest of my life.

This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.