I guess you can't cut and paste....
My question was anyone go on to have a real relationship with the "other"?
Discussion Topic
Real relationship?
Posted on 11/09/09, 12:41 pm
Okay of those whose marriage ended as a result of the affair any of you go on to have a real relationship with the “other”?
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Reply #1 11/09/09 12:42pm
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Reply #2 11/09/09 1:45pm
That's a good question... I would add... "has anyone gone on to have a better relationship with someone else entirely, not necessarily the other man/woman".... and .... "how much regret do you have to live with, or are you genuinely happy now?" -
Reply #3 11/09/09 1:56pm
This is something I am struggling with now. I am at the crossroads of do I move on? or do I make my marriage work. I had the affair and my H forgave me and TRULY loves me and wants us to work. I am still hung up on my OM...that relationship ended two months ago. I do not feel love for my H anymore and thought I should just move on and allow both of us to be happy. I do not think I would go back to my OM, but heal myself first because I am an emotional mess. Then I feel like I owe it to my children to fall back in love with their father so they can have the famly they deserve. This is not easy! -
Reply #4 11/09/09 10:00pm
Is your OM available? That's the issue for me...mine is not and never was and never will be. He wouldn't have been good for me anyway. Maybe someday I'll find someone that loves me again. I'm hoping at least.
Sassy that is a tough tough place to be I'm sure. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope your kids support whatever decision you make. -
Reply #5 11/09/09 10:03pm
Arguably, every cheating relationship is "real." Some do develop further, but statistics say that only about 3% of those who leave their spouse for another person end up in a working, long-term relationship with that other. I don't think that this is a good place to research for a book though. Most people here are too raw. I think for writing a book like that, talking to people who have faced infidelity years past would be more beneficial. -
Reply #6 11/10/09 1:02am
Sassy, you wrote "I feel like I owe it to my children to fall back in love with their father" This speaks volumes about the expectations that somehow get heaped on people by themselves and others. Are we really expected to be so in control of ourselves that we can simply choose to be in love with someone because that's been deemed best for all involved? Is loving just a case of I think, therefore I am? Isn't there some chemistry involved? Aren't we allowed to want that much? I know the chemistry wears off over time, I know that after many years the fireworks morph into something softer and less exciting, but at some point isn't it asking too much to give up the possibility of having real love while you "fake it 'til you make it"?
I feel that I owe my children the healthy example of being true to my Self, so that they will honor themselves in the same way. -
Reply #7 11/10/09 4:41pm
The chemistry doesn't always wear off with time and the fireworks can remain. It just takes a little work, imagination, and desire. My H and I have been together almost 30 years and we still have an amazing sex life that just keeps getting better, and a deep love that has survived many crises including his affair.
We can all reinvent ourselves if we want to. You just have to want to, but if the spark really wasn't there to start with and you realize you have been living a lie, then I don't know if it is really possible. To light the fireworks there has to be at least a spark.
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