When I was a newbie ,myself, and I knew very little on the subject of infidelity, I used to put a HUGE IMPORTANCE on what other's opinions of me and my situation were.

Now that I've been on these boards for ten months , and I know that my opinions are just as VALID and GOOD as everyone's else opinions, I really don't care what other's opinions are.

Every situation has one common theme we are all cheaters! The differences is why we cheated.......those situation are unique and only you personally understand them. The end result is all the same for all of us hurt pain not wanting to let go innocent parties involved mistrust lots and lots of bad things feeling emotions.

The road in front of us all is largely the same if we want to fix out marriages. The speed down the road is different for all.

One CS can have very many different opinions than other CS'S.

Different BS'S have different opinions on different subjects also.

I'm not taking aim at anyone.

When I was a newbie , I used to let other people's opinion of what is "RIGHT" and what is "WRONG" really bother me.

Now I realize that different people have different opinions on what is "RIGHT" and "WRONG".

I also realize that, like everyone else, I'm entitled to my own opinions.

Now that I have my own opinion on what is "RIGHT" and 'WRONG", other peoples opinions don't really bother me anymore.

I love OPO (other people's opinions). I don't take the bad ones to heart & I don't glorify the good ones, I just like to hear what others think & what they've been through. I've learned through the years just to listen & gather information, and not to get carried away one way or the other.
Now if I could only be this rational with other aspects of my life.

Also the subject of infidelity is EXTREMELY

1) Painful

2) Emotional

3) Explosive.

Many people here have very different and very very strong opinions on what is "RIGHT " and 'WRONG".

Disagreements, arguments and fights can break out at any moment.

It not very hard to get burned from time to time on this group.

Most , if not all of the regular posters, have been burned by the group at least once.

If you do get burned, please don't leave the group and just learn from it.

There are many many unwritten rules to posting in the main forum and if you stick around long enough you will get a feel of what is safe to post in the forum.

Once you get the hang of this group, you will find this group to be VERY SUPPORTIVE AND HELPFUL.

The advantages of making friends and journaling.

Make friends with people who think and act like you. When you have friends who think and act like you, they are MUCH MUCH more likely to see your point of view and agree with you. Journaling will keep you in contact with friends.


When you have a question or issue you want to discuss with the WHOLE forum , then post in the main forum.

When posting in the main forum, regardless of what your opinions or point of views are; there will ALWAYS, ALWAYS, be people who will disagree with you. There is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, a risk of that those people who disagree will confront you and argue with you .

Desertflower, a forum I participated in & still lurk on before CA didn't sugar coat advice or sooth our anxieties. They doled out some pretty tuff love. Initially I told my story walling about OM casting me aside without a thought & wondering how he could do that. Their response: What do you care what he thinks? It's over, done, caput.....don't care what he thinks. Care what YOU think. Take care of YOU...
Needless to say I thought they were a bunch of heartless bitches but you know what? They were right! What do I care what that spineless asshole thought of me. It's what I think that matters.

Point is... any advice received here may not be what you want to hear BUT it's what you NEED to hear.

We will always disagree with your thoughts. We will never tell you what you want to hear. BUT, we will always pat you on the back when you kick ass. So there!

Thank you everyone for your responses to my monologue.

We were ALL CLUELESS newbies at one time.

I'm just trying to give the newbies a basic road map and trying my best to lead them in the right direction.

Yes, newbies need to realize we all were there once ourselves. We were all suffering the same crap they are right now. So if we seem a little harsh or unfeeling, it's not because we don't care, it's because we know exactly what they're going thru.

Damn, I'm so glad to be on the "other side" finally!!!!!

When I first came to CA, the group was embroiled in a HUGE FIGHT.

My first impression of CA was it was more like a debate forum/boxing rink than a support group.

When I first came here I got burned a few times because I didn't know how to use the main forum and I didn't know about making friends and journaling.

Now that I know how avoid the MINEFIELDS ( yes, the subject of infidelity has many minefields), I find CA to be a very supportive group.