FEELING DOWN
Posted by lilmskeys - 03/09/09, 01:03 pm
Posted by Mart De Haan
March 4th, 2009
Filed in Ideas to think about, Mind and Body
What do we do when we’re out of sorts, on edge, not ourselves, dogged by a dark cloud of sadness, and then, on top of it all, feeling guilty for not being able to think or pray ourselves out of it?
Spiritual talk that is supposed to help leaves us cold.
So, with a bit of imagination… feeling this way, we go into a room of counselors who have been called in to help us work through it. Some of them are carrying a Bible. Others drove up in cars sporting the name “Darwin” inside a “Fish” symbol.
The questions start coming. How long have you been feeling like this? Hours, days, months? What’s been going on in your life? Disappointment? Boredom? Overwork? Loss of job, marriage, or death in the family? Any family history of depression? Any reason to be angry or afraid? How long since you’ve had a complete physical? Recent surgeries, birth of a baby, financial stress? What drugs are you taking?
The questions keep coming. How are you sleeping, eating, exercising physically, and spiritually?
When the counselors seem to have exhausted their ability to ask questions one of them asks, “Now, what do you want us to do? Give you our opinions and recommendations or some time to think about what we’ve asked.” Sensing they are not going to agree we tell them we need some time to think…
Now that we are by ourselves again, where do we start or stop looking for answers?
If I’ve learned anything over the years it’s that there is a delicate, complex relationship between body, soul, and spirit. We are so wonderfully, mysteriously, and fearfully made that a disruption in our physical health can cloud our minds, just as a failure of spirit can affect the chemistry of our body.
Just as amazingly, our Creator has built into us a certain capacity for self-healing, while leaving us dependent on Him alone for the real answers to the most important questions.
There are times when a change of mind or perspective can do for us what the Psalmist so often experienced (i.e. Psalm 73). Sometimes it’s a good nights rest, a good walk, times with friends, and a few good laughs. On other occasions, an honest, heart-wrenching struggle with God– to the point of surrender– is desperately needed.
And there are also the times when, as we wait on the Lord for his wisdom and help, we need to remember that “in a number of counselors there is safety” (Prov 11:14). Especially, when the sadness continues, and we don’t know why, and nothing we do seems to help, it may be time to get the help of a reputable doctor, or counselor, without leaving behind the kind of ongoing spiritual counsel and support we need from a wise pastor or spiritually mature friend.
PS Welcome to those of you who have stopped by today in response to our e-mail. Wish you would bookmark the site and stop by often. We’re here for one another…
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Loading ...82 Responses to “Feeling Down”SFDBWV says: March 4, 2009 at 8:06 amIt is amazing these past (almost) ten years I have had to be healthy. Had to be. Matthew relys on me for everything, so I can’t be down. The wieght of this is enormous. Sleep? Not for me. I have said before how every morning I go to the well and fill up. Some mornings I am spiritualy exhausted. God knows this and understands when my conversation with him is short.
I have found myself at the end of my rope so many times. Seen the empty barrel, where there just doesn’t seem to be any more left.
Then, I see Matt and hear his pain and cries. I go on for him. I have learned that life, that love is in the giving. Not the recieving.
Many times the well meaning words of christian friends are more of a mockery than of comfort. But I never tell them that. Sometimes hope seems very far away and the darkness very real.
I sometimes think that if I could just go off for a while alone, maybe God would speak to me…But God speaks to me in the face and needs of others. It is there in busying myself helping others that I am able to forget the darkness of hopelessness.
The promises, the person of Jesus is my only hope. I have nowhere else to go. To whom else could I turn for strength to continue on? It is very private very personal.
In my walk of life many people have let me down, and many haven’t. Many times I have thought God let me down too. Only to learn He is always there. It is a sobering thing to note that while my needs are important to Him, His plans are above my understanding. So it is. Faith and trust, in Jesus. More often blind faith and trust, than I would like for it to be.
I have to be strong for my family,even when my strength is weak. I so often wonder about God being strong for us all, all the time. And wonder from where does he draw His strength to go on? Could it be from the same source? The needs of others?
Mart De Haan says: March 4, 2009 at 8:20 amSteve, you have expressed so much that we all need to hear. Once again, thank you… Feel like I should be framing your post this time and putting it on my wall.
BruceC says: March 4, 2009 at 8:39 amMart,
Thank you for bringing up this topic as I see how it effects so many people today and it breaks my heart. I don’t believe anyone is immune to it and it gets all of us at some time or another and in different ways and degrees. And it has a certain stigma attached to it so that many folks won’t even discuss it.
First off though on the humorous side; I love that dog picture. I have a little (runt of the litter) German Shorthaired Pointer named Ginger that gives the “look” quite a bit and it turns me into goo!
Seriously though I am no stranger to depression. It’s hard to describe. It is not constant or even frequent. I can be having just an ordinary average day; doing a normal routine, such as driving, and out of the clear blue it just “falls” on me. I can feel it. It may last hours or even the rest of the day. And it’s not fun. Then as quickly as it came, it goes. Only once did it last a few days and that was a few months back. What started as a pity-party turned to depression and got worse each day. On a Sunday morning my arthritis was really hitting me so I did not go to church. Later in the day I was speaking to a lady from a church we used to attend and she said that Dave from church had asked for prayer for me out of concern that something was wrong. He didn’t have a clue about the scenario. Anyway I turned on the TV and watched a very good, well-known minister teach on prophecy and by the end the depression left as soon as it came. It was gone and I began to praise the Lord. This was on the morning when the church had lifted me in prayer!
As a cop I have seen many lives devastated by depression, and had to investigate numerous suicides where the family was present. I can’t begin to describe how I felt; as a cop and a Christian. After retirement I had to deal with many people in the hospital psyche ward while I worked in security. I feel so very bad for these people and they have all my sympathy. My wife was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance i her body that made her prone to it and she has been on mild medication for years. Her Mom took DES while carrying her and this is one of the many things it did to her while in the womb. She has suffered from many other effects as well for years now.
It is sad that depression carries such a stigma with it in our culture. People are looked down upon. And others just think it’s all in their minds. How cruel to think that those who suffer from it just “imagine” it or use it as an “excuse”. Yet many are that narrow-minded. I have never told my doctor about my little bouts as they are very infrequent and I don’t want medication for it; at least as it is now. But those that suffer all the time should get some form of help and advice. There are so many things that could cause it. And we need to pray for those affected.
I have heard some TV prechers say that you don’t need meds or doctors; just have faith. But I believe these people are way off base. But at the same time trusting and relying on God to work within us is a prescription that should be taken along with the proper medical advice and help. As the times get tougher and worse this is something that could rise in the amount of people inflicted by it. Let us all pray those who suffer. And let us all be understanding in love. God is always there to help and the means He uses are numerous and varied.
Mart, I agree. When Steve shares, I soak it up.
Steve, you really have given much and still have much to give, and I appreciate your sharing. I would bet that all who regularly come to this blog would jump for joy and love to hear you report that Matt has been healed. But you know what, in a way his healing is you, my friend. The ten years you have given of yourself is like that balm of Gilead we hear about. And I also believe you are right: your strength comes in the form of giving. I suspect that the darkness and gloom that you experience will be a curtain into the realms of glory when our Savior calls us to Himself for that final moment in this vale of tears. And I have to keep this in mind: We are not home yet. Neither is Matt. You are now on my prayer list.
Remembering that you, like I, had a stint in SE Asia at about the same time, we’re beginning to see those golden years as the sun begins to drift west into its setting. Glory is closer now than it has ever been. I don’t mean to say trite little things to cheer you up, but I have to remember these things as well. My life hasn’t been all fun and games either. And without the grace of the Lord Jesus, I think I would have thrown in the towel long ago. But we keep looking for a city which hath foundations whose builder and maker is God. You and I can finally share some of those good old war stories one of these days as we sit on the bank of the river of God.
Don’t you relish these precious moments during the blogging. It really is therapy, and as Mart indicated in his post, there is comfort (safety) in many counselors, even when they don’t always know you or walk in your shoes. It is good to blog here.
AmericanMade says: March 4, 2009 at 8:42 amSFDBWV your response has done a great deal for me.
Thank you. All I can say is that I look forward to
this area every morning as much as my Daily Bread.
But today felt it was really just for me.
Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!
Steve The first thought in my mind when reading your post was the Psalms of David. Seems we all have those times of emotional roller coaster feelings. Your thoughts seem to express many of David’s you just used different words. There is comfort in knowing David had a heart for God but still had the same struggles we have. Like us he knew the only hope we have is in God. I so want to offer you words of comfort but have no words so will just pray. Your sister in Christ, Charlotte
mtman says: March 4, 2009 at 9:36 amI think if folks are honest about it they will find it happens to all of us from time to time. Just like Steve or BruceC say - it can suddenly appear and you start drifting into a low point. When it does in my case it never lasts long (unless I choose to let it) but it tends to make me focus more inward on myself. It doesn’t take much to start a pity party! As Steve states when you focus outwardly it helps. That is why this blog is so good, there are those willing to share what they cope with and it provides us all someone and something to pray for. If you don’t find someone hurting worse than you are there is clearly something wrong. If that doesn’t work then I think about the two little children we sponsor in Honduras. For them just tooth paste is a luxury. That should do it for getting your mind on something else.
When those times happen I tend to go off to a quiet place and simply tell God to heal me, I don’t want to focus on myself nor be in the pits and then I shut up and just sit. I don’t hear the Lords voice or anything but the quiet seems to do wonders. It is truly balm to the soul.
If that doesn’t work I watch a movie that makes me laugh or as a last resort buy a new pair of socks. You know how good a new pair of socks feels. If none of that works I find someone to do something for. I think the key is to get my ‘eyes’ off myself and before I know it I’m wondering why I was in the dumps anyway. Often I have no idea what starts the trend to that desert valley but does it really matter? The key is to recognize what is happening and start that upward climb. I realize that not everyone can just head off for quiet time, but if you can and just tell the Lord how you feel and then shut up - the results can be amazing. I guess if none of that worked I would probably go to a doctor for Rx. Fortunately it has never come to that. Their could be an organic reason for the problem but if not the above mostly works for me.
How do I deal with a depression that comes monthly? I try to find small ways to ride it out. I know it won’t last. I do little things, mostly stare at sunsets or listen to music. I’ve lost count of the times that just the right song has come on the radio. (Thank God for Air1.) Or I look for a different perspective - Extreme Makeover Home Edition is wonderful for that. And when I see others who are down? I try to do little things. I find that they usually don’t need some huge act to get them out of their depression. They simply need a little comfort here and there, and understanding, and someone to simply be there. They need just enough to support them without carrying them.
Steve, your post brings back a very tender memory that will see it’s first anniversary this May. I don’t know if this will help but I thought I’d share it. This month sees me getting ready to raise funds and prepare for the March of Dimes walk. This will be my second time, the first being in honor of my niece, and from now on in her memory. She was born a little over a year ago with a terrible disorder. She was brought to the NICU at a hospital where I live, so I was there for the first week of her life. Mostly all I was able to do for my brother was help with the kids, bring them drinks, make phone calls, help with researching and getting questions answered. Small acts that at least enabled them to stay with her for as long as possible.
She surprised the doctors and nurses, and was able to go home. They told them not to have any hope, but we did. My mom took three months of work to help until they firmly had a routine together to care for her. It was 24 hour care with many challenges. For one thing their three other children are home schooled. I was there again when she had her heart surgery, and again when we all went to a movie just to have a few hours together. We all live at least 2-3 hours apart. She lived for just 9 months. But it was a time of tremendous compassion and love. I was most impressed with how well my niece and nephew jumped in to help. And I will always remember what my SIL said at her memorial service.
Don’t ever think that you didn’t do enough or weren’t there enough. While no one could have taken this challenge for us everything that was done was a help. There were so many little things that got us through. Some of you cooked dinner. Some of you came to do some laundry or the dishes. Some of you sent cards, or funny emails, or called just to see how we were doing. Some of you sent money. Some of you gave up a part of your life and time from your job. Some of you sent presents and treats. Some of you were simply there when I needed to cry or say, ‘I hurt’. And all of you prayed. So don’t ever think you didn’t do enough, because it all helped.
There was more she said, but that it is what I remember most. Their care of her lasted such a short time, but despite how hard it was at times, I know they would give even more to have had her longer. The time she was with us was a miracle all it’s own, each day of it. I know you’ve been going through this a lot longer, Steve, but I suspect that you feel like they do. The moments of joy that come with it are worth it all. I hope that you too find yourself surrounded by those little moments and actions that add up to so much loving support. And I know that you have all of our prayers.
Robert Slone says: March 4, 2009 at 11:53 amThanks to everyone that has shared. I needed to hear what has been said. I’m kind of new here, but I do pray for all. I believe so strongly in prayer and talking to God. Sometimes I think we limit God’s ability, but he can do any thing. Some times I think he would just like to hear us ask.
LissaJo says: March 4, 2009 at 12:13 pmThis has been a wonderful and timely posting for me…my dad died last week and even though I know he is in Heaven with Jesus, I still miss him. And even though some people have good intentions, they say things sometimes that almost make me feel guilty for missing him and grieving his loss…I know God feels my hurt…and I know I can rest in His arms. Thanks for this one.
jhrussell49 says: March 4, 2009 at 12:40 pmHas anyone heard of the bookk “Mood Tides” by Robert Horton? I just started reading it and the first chapter has been an encouragement. God has created us to experience both joy and sorrow. Jesus told His disciples “Let not your heart be troubled” and yet His heart was troubled….
One thought, Mart: “…sometimes it’s a good nights rest, a good walk, times with friends, and a few good laughs” and even a BOOK ;-)
Thanks for your posts…
Jhr
sitsathisfeet says: March 4, 2009 at 12:40 pmSometimes it is easy to place our hope, and happiness in external things, instead of internal things such as our relationship with the Lord. One time when I had a particularly rough patch I was going through my friend said to me remember you have victory in Jesus. It may sound glib to some, but it hit me hard, yes that it was true. Whenever I come to the end of myself and my circumstances, broken self,and broken relationships etc. I picture Jesus standing at the foot of the cross, arms open wide. It reminds me of a friends testimony when he became born again he had a vision of Jesus wrapping him in an embrace of wings like an angels. I had another friend who never had any visions or dramatic moments like that, but just knew from age 4 that he was saved, and made a commitment to grow into the faith and later became a pastor/missionary teacher abroad. I agree with those on the blog who said the Lord will meet us where we are, and can provide for all our needs whatever they are - when meeting death, depression, separation, divorce, prison, addiction, illness, there is nothing that our Lord can not and has not “handled”, and for me that is the greatest assurance, the Lord was, is and will be victorious, and we can claim that victory through him. I think of 2 Cor 6:4-10 Rather as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance;in troubles, hardships, and distresses; in beatings, in imprisonment,and riots; in hard work and sleepless nights and in hungar, in purity and understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and sincere love; in truthful speech and the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown; dying and yet we live on; beaten and yet not killed; sorrowful yet always rejoicing; poor , yet making many rich; having nothing and yet possesing everything!
mtman says: March 4, 2009 at 1:17 pmLissaJo: Other than my own children all my relatives have died. I know how it hurts and when I look back I can clearly see how the Lord has carried me through all those times. At the time all you feel is pain. Even when my dad died and it was un-manly to show grief or cry. I was told I had to be strong for my mom. I managed to keep that tough exterior up for many months and then it all just collapsed. There is just no soothing like that from the Lord. You may know in your mind that they are in a better place and with the Lord but your heart doesn’t listen to your mind. It takes a long time to heal a heart-if ever. My prayers are with you..
mrsbrown says: March 4, 2009 at 1:34 pmThe way I grew up in this world and continue everyday to walk obediently is to be humbled by Gods amazing grace! I suffer with bouts of the blues on a daily basis because I live in an’off the rack world’ always looking for a ‘perfect fit’ I struggle with why I should have gone through this life with more heartaches than most. The good news of the faith is that if you go to God, He won’t cast you out. He doesn’t lie.My brother and I lost our mom to breast cancer at 10 and 8 yrs old and lost any childhood we could have ever dreamed of. Our dad was great but we all had to work extra hard to make ou family work or we would have ended up in foster care. My brother suffers from schizophrenia today from this childhood trauma. I married a wonderful Christian man who was our Music Worship leader in a mega church who came from a past of horrific legalism coupled with physical abuse all in the name of God. He acted out in all of the ways one imagines because of this: affairs, bancruptcy, drinking, insecurities abound. Our only son drops out of high school, goes to prison and finally at 27 is getting a reality check. He was raised in the church! So, why haven’t I snuffed out Christ? I need Him too much.As a family we have perhaps gone to more counselors both non-Christian and Christian. Sometimes, no offense please, there isn’t much of a difference.It all seems too overwhelming to most of them. So who else can I go to minute by minute who offers me acceptance John 6:37. We as a family have been beaten down by the world. But to get up everyday and face this ‘off the rack’ world with no other than a man who hung on a tree for me, well guys, ’nuff said. I’m humbled! Thanks for listening. I’ve never blogged before!
SFDBWV says: March 4, 2009 at 1:58 pmI would like to thank everyone for all the kind words of encouragement and support.
Every persons hurt is very real and personal. Christ gives us rest in Him, and through Mart and RBC has provided this blog and you wonderful people to make the pain a little less for us each.
We are praying for you all.
Steve,Glenna & Matt
savedbygraceme says: March 4, 2009 at 2:08 pmI’ve struggled with depression most of my life; but even in this, the Lord has chosen to use it and bless me, and in turn others. This is one of the many poems the Holy Spirit has given me out of the dark times in my life…..
Pour Your Heart Out To Jesus
Pour your heart out to Jesus
He’s been waiting to hear from you
He’s been watching your battles and struggles
In each one He’s been right beside you
Remember that last ounce of strength?
Just when you thought you had nothing left
Remember those kind words from a stranger?
When you felt so alone and bereft
That was Jesus
Pour your heart out to Jesus
He knows all your pain and your fear
He’s waiting with arms full of love
To embrace you if you’ll just draw near
Remember that long, lonely night?
When your tears felt like they’d never stop
He’s kept them all in a bottle
And He’s counted each heartbroken drop
That is Jesus
Pour your heart out to Jesus
And His love and His mercy will rain
Rain down in your heart with healing
To restore you from all of that pain
Remember that cross stained with blood?
The blood of an innocent man
The One who was sent to redeem us
And restore us to God once againThat was
Jesus!
Psalm 56:8 “Thou hast kept count of my tossings: put Thou my tears in thy bottle. Are they not in thy book?”
Susan Tier
I believe God gave us every feeling and emotion that is what makes us human. I also believe it is very honorable to be honest about what we are going through like many in the bible expressed all their emotion. David, Solomon, and Jeremiah just to name a few had so much emotion. I think the problems come when we deny what we are feeling and try to stuff those emotions. It seems that when we allow other believers and nonbelievers to see we are only human and have struggles too, it opens up so many ways to minister to each other. So I, in gratitude and heart felt appreciation, thank all of you for sharing your self today with all of us.
And to remember Eph 3:14-19;14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
poohpity says: March 4, 2009 at 2:44 pmBeautiful poem Susan, thank you for sharing.
Mark L says: March 4, 2009 at 3:25 pmA place to vent, RBC can be my Ruben, you know the guy who pulled Joseph out of the cistern. From time to time I find myself in the cistern when I am depressed, frustrated and angry. Long ago I worked in a Mental hospital for the criminally insane that alone will bring you down. And I was taught that depression was anger turned inwards. So I asked my self, what do I have to be angry about? Maybe it’s this thorn in my side that I can’t get rid of, but if it wasn’t there would I turn to the Lord as much as I do when I slip a fall. I have prayed for years for deliverance from this thing, I have been before the throne of Grace on many occasions pleading for release. I have prayed and believed I that have left the thorn at the foot of the cross only to have it back again. I feel it is a stumbling block to me and hinders my witness so I try to push it out for my mind and work on finishing the race. I have noticed in recent days that the depression does not return as often as I read and spend more time with the Lord. But as I spend more time with the Lord I spend less time with my wife and family and I hear about that. What should I do spend more time with my wife family and less with the Lord?
I am the first to admit I am not perfect, never have been and most likely will never be until I arrive home. I am not perfect I am forgiven. Will all my faults I have a burning desire to win souls to the kingdom and pray the Lord gives me wisdom to do so. I have on numerous occasions’ pondered suicide and thought would the Lord forgive me if the reason I wanted to die was to be with him. I can find nothing in the Word that forbids suicide as it is mentioned twice in the Bible. Once when Saul fell on his sword and once when Judas hung himself and both were men chosen of God.
Then I think how could I finish the race if I quit early and how could I stand before the Lord and say His plan for my life was not good enough? I recite Proverbs 3:5 often and trust in the Lord that one day I will be delivered from the thorn. Sometimes one day is not soon enough. I know in my heart the Lord will return very soon with everything that is happening in the world today as the world is becoming more evil each day. I know God will see His plan through. I know one day the Lord will give a shout and the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a loud cry of summons, with the shout of an archangel, and with the blast of the trumpet of God. And those who have departed this life in Christ will rise first. Then we, the living ones who remain [on the earth], shall simultaneously be caught up along with [the resurrected dead] in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air; and so always (through the eternity of the eternities) we shall be with the Lord! This perhaps is what keeps me going. I know His Grace is sufficient for me. I know we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. But knowing all this does not ease the depressin, frustration and anger I feel. So I keep praying, keep looking to Lord for strength and so far so good.
RBC has been an answer to prayer to help fill my mind with wisdom from saints who most likely have traveled the same road as many others and have learned from their travels and are willing to share and pray for the brothers and sister in Christ.
Well I am going to start rambling on so I will look for some reply or word of encouragement here. Perhaps even find a brother who would be willing to communicate with me and we can hold each other accountable. Until then your servant Mark
Thanks Mart for this timely post. The best that I am able to do since becoming a born again Christian has been to pray for others whose needs I am aware of. This includes the persecuted church in hostile areas of the world all the way to a friend in need. I tend not to focus on myself that way and it seems to help me face almost anything. Yesterday a friend died of emphysema. I also have emphysema. Instead of worrying what’s next for me, I concentrated on prayer for the Lord’s comfort on her family and friends. There is always someone nearby that needs our help more than we need theirs.
paulnotPaul says: March 4, 2009 at 3:57 pmI really do not know how I ended up receiving this invite today so I know God must be in it!! Today I shaved off my winter beard. Big Deal, Right! Well that is my personal sign that spring is about to be sprung or at least the hope of it. I hide behind my beard all winter long to feel safe within myself. No one knows whom lurks behind the mask and most don’t even care. I can be the real me without anyone really knowing it. I deal with depression ona daily, sometimes moment by moment basis. It springs from a chemical imbalance as well as a closed head injury from when I was a young teen. Mrsbrown says sometimes you wonder why your life has to be a litany of spiritual battles, physical and mental battles. The price is always worth it on a day when you’ve been able to use your experinece to help someone else by empathy. This week has been full of extremes including being able to finally able to steer your own son towards counselling. He’s 30, about the age I was when I got my first clinical diagnosis. I thank God for every experienceboth good and bad because today I was able to minister to my own son in way I may not have if I had succumbed to the depression and especially the suicidal tendencies. If I had I wouldn’t be here to help my son and that is GLORY!!!! Thank you for a timely invite!!!
Robert Slone says: March 4, 2009 at 4:06 pmMark L, I have been where you are and I will be praying for you. One thing I do that helps me, is to just take a deep breath, close my eyes, and say to myself “BE still, and know that I am God.”
I was sent an email from a friend that I thought was a good example of keep it simple. A man asked a little boy where had he been and the boy said to Sunday School. The man told the boy, “I’ll give you a nickel if you can tell me where God is.” The boy answered, “I’ll give you a dollar if you can tell me where God ain’t.”
God is right here.
rdrcomp says: March 4, 2009 at 4:16 pmMark, you are loved. You really are. I get the sense that you know a lot about the Lord and the Bible, but not sure you sense His absolute love and concern for you. Elizabeth Elliot would begin her radio program with “You are loved with an everlasting love and underneath are the everlasting arms” a reference to Deut. 33:27. And those words are worth remembering. And they are worth hanging on to.
You are also loved here on this blog. And I have to tell you that personally, I feel that you should seek professional Christian counseling. I hope that doesn’t come across too strong, but it comes from a concern for you. We’re all here sharing our experiences and what has been of help to us, and it basically comes down to “God loves you”. And I believe he wants you relieved of your depression. But depression isn’t easy sometimes to diagnose especially by we who are reading your heart as you have shared. Maybe Mart DeHaan can give you some pointers from his experience.
I will be praying for you, and keep on letting us hear from you. Maybe over time, these posts will help.
mtman says: March 4, 2009 at 4:22 pmI for one don’t feel competent to try to reply to some of you who are struggling so hard. There is a Bible teacher who uses the phrase that it takes a drunk to minister to a drunk. Maybe not a good choice of words but his point is that if you haven’t walked in the other persons sandals maybe your words would just be platitudes and not come from from where they currently are in life. I haven’t been there and have no idea what it is like to have to struggle through life like some of you describe. So I will do what I can do best and pray for you. I think it would be good to pray/practice the poem that Susan posted. That is so on point. Mark L: Any chance you could take a day retreat with the family taking the Lord along with you all?
mrsbrown says: March 4, 2009 at 4:36 pmOh you very precious, precious children of God! My heart is so full of compassion for each of you! As paulnotpaul says we use our struggles,empathy to lift one another up! Good for you and your son as you both travel this journey of healing together!
Let’s continue to remember, we are invited to come to Christ as ‘little children’ This is a verse I like to hang onto since I missed out on a childhood. I think at 53 years old I might just enjoy meditating on this verse! Let’s all remember too, to take care of ourselves as we spend so much time caring for the needs of others. Letting God infuse us with His presence and supernatural being! And….it gives us the needed strength to return to those people that need us to help them! You all are just what I hoped for in this moment in time. Thank you for your openess…this is healing whether you know it or not! God truely is right here! Thank you Robert Slone for sending that. And to Mart and the ODB staff, I’ve been watching your journey for a long time. I’m so glad you started this blog! You’re Awesome!
A couple of years ago I sought out a counselor for depression. 27 years ago I had been convicted of a crime that changed everything. At the time I was trying to deal with a situation that had come up repeatedly and what I did was intended to help not hurt. I never even considered what I was doing a crime. The result was 3 years of my life and the loss of my wife and 3 children. The other result was a renewing of my faith. 9 years before I responded to God’s call on my life and stayed with a Christian youth communal group to ground myself in the Word. That is where I met my wife. She said she was backslidden and wanted to return, so I prayed with her. Apparently the only reason she said this to me was to get me to stop witnessing to her each day. I only learned this upon my release during our discussion about our children being raised in Christian homes. You see, they had been divided into 3 foster homes. To this day I do not know where they are. Nor do I have the resources to find them. I divorced and remarried and tried to put my life right, by giving it to God daily. Another element to this is I have always been more female than male. In fact, I had no connection with boys growing up. I always felt closer to girls. So in my second marriage my wife supported me in transitioning to female. I live as a pre-op transsexual lesbian with my 3rd partner. My second wife died after us being together 11 years. I went to a counselor because the loss of my children is a black, empty hole that leaves me in tears and it is all my fault. It makes me doubt all my decisions and relationships. I love my partner with all my heart, but I wonder if I am doing right with her. That is my depression.
SFDBWV says: March 4, 2009 at 6:00 pmThere have been many moments since my sons automobile accident and subsequent life of suffering that can only be described as miraculous, many. I will tell you all of one.
The name of my small community is Bayard. One morning several years ago a man came to my door and said that the employees down at the local branch bank had told him he needed to come and talk with me.
His mothers maiden name was Bayard and he was on a cross country trip with his dog to visit the three towns he knew of named Bayard. One in Iowa, one in Nebraska and the last in New Mexico. He had no knowledge of This town and had ended up here “accidently”. So he went into the Bank and ask how this town got it’s name? The folks at the bank said to go and talk with Steve….
I invited him in and introduced him to Matt. I explained to him about Matt’s accident and how Matt’s head injuries left him in a wheelchair and with memory loss and many other problems. He enjoyed very much listening to Matt talk about himself and his accomplishments and was saddened to hear Matt say he wished to die. His visit here with us turned into half a day. He said he had to be going but would be in touch and took my email address and P.O. address ect. so he could contact me later.
A few months later he called and ask me if it would be alright to send Matthew a letter. I could read it first to make sure it was ok. I told him sure Matt will enjoy getting a letter. He also said he would contact me later and when he could, bring his wife up for a visit one Sunday. I agreed it was ok. He lived in Roanoke VA about 4 or 5 hours from here.
When the letter came, I opened it and read it first and then let Matthew read it.
The letter explained that he too had a son who was 17 years old when he had an automobile accident, with head injuries. That his son was a great fellow and loved by him and his mother very much. Had lots of friends and life was good for him…..But after the accident he went home locked himself in the garage and killed himself.
The letter went on to say that had his son been in his “right” mind he never would have hurt his mother and father like this. The pain they felt the guilt they felt the grief they felt was more than they could bear. That they were sure their son would never have hurt them like this had he been able to think through his decision to end his own life. The letter went on to encourage Matthew to love his father and enjoy all the precious time he could with him.
A couple weeks later this gentleman and his wife came up for a visit and ended up staying the day. Both agreeing that our meeting was no coinsidence but God sent. God sent these people to Matthew to help them heal.
I am sure there is not a day goes by that my new friends don’t miss their son. Suicide is never an end to ones suffering but an extention of it to everyone left behind.
God gave us his Son, He is bigger than any problem we have. and Love can heal all wounds. I extend my love to all of you.
Steve
poohpity says: March 4, 2009 at 6:01 pmMoonlady Avril,
Wow just when you think everything in your life is confusing you read about the confusion in somebodies else’s life. I can understand your depression. Your confusion seems to be hitting you on all sides. Thank you for trusting us enough to share your journey. God’s love for you is more than anything we can ever imagine or fathom. I hope at this time you rest in that and ask for guidance with your dilemma. Remember that love means always doing what is in the best interest of the one loved. God promises us to ask for wisdom and He will give it.
craig l martin says: March 4, 2009 at 6:14 pmI am feeling really down my life is totally falling apart. i know it is karma for all my past sins. I feel god will never forgive me for my sins and will suffer till the day i die. I am really sorry for all the wrong I’ve done, but i can’t forgive myself & i feel the Lord won’t forgive me either. i pray everyday, but i get more & more depressed. i lossed my job & I am about to be homeless. I have no where to turn. My life is over. All I ask is for someone to pray for me!!! I know my end is near!!! Thankyou & anyone who’s listening!!! I hope the lord will bless you!!!
craig l martin says: March 4, 2009 at 6:27 pmPlease forgive me for telling my problems & bothering any or all of you. For this i apologize i just feel so alone.
SFDBWV says: March 4, 2009 at 6:44 pmcraig l martin, You have came to the right place. If you want to pray for others. We all hurt here and need your prayers.
Just as you are, God will hear and accept you. There is nothing in your life that God can’t and won’t forgive.
He forgave David for murder, adultery, and more. Jesus came to give you hope. He is my hope and has made many promises just for you.
Do not despair. Get yourself into His psalms and begin praising Him.
I kneel here and now for you and ask for His Holy Spirit to give you peace.
You are loved here Craig, and not alone.
Steve
SFDBWV says: March 4, 2009 at 7:02 pmcraig L martin, I don’t know your background, so bear with me if I go too far.
The answer to you pain is Jesus. He is the pathway and door to your healing. He and He alone. If you have not yet done so. Ask Jesus Christ to be your savior and forgive you of all your sins. Jesus is faithful to dojust that. ALL your sins will be wiped away. God has said as far as the east is from the west He will put your sins from him…..You are forgiven completly through accepting Jesus Chrost as your savior…..If you have not done so, Do so right now.
Get a Bible and read John and Romans, keep in touch through this blog
Steve
Mark L says: March 4, 2009 at 7:02 pmTo, Robert Slone, rdrcomp and mtman,
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers and wise counsel. Robert I know what you are saying, I have stood under the spout where the love comes out just me and God on many occasions. I have thought that maybe I was under attack by the enemy for stirring the pot by sharing my faith with the lost, but htat doe not make depression any easier. I have known the Lord for more then 30 years and it seems like I have a heart for missions, but circumstances and the Lord have not opened any doors. I did have opportunity to go to Russia and Kazakhstan to work for a company. While I was there I got to share the word with the inhabitance that are mostly Muslim. Even there I went through some really tough depression and the Lord told me He would never leave or forsake me… EVER. I share with people as the Holy Spirit leads.
I am secure in my salvation, believing that when the Lord gave His life on the cross to take away the sin for the world that included me. It has always been my prayer that when I sow seeds that I would be sowing seeds in obscurity giving God all the glory. I know I can only sow seeds and the Lord waters and gives the increase. I understand we are soldiers for Christ and the battle rages at times. I also know we have the victory because the war has already been won. But even soldiers need some R&R.
mtman) I have stood on the mountain top 1:1 with the Lord and asked Him one night to show me a faith builder. No sooner had the words come out of my mouth that a shooting star passed directly over head and You know that warn and fuzzy feel you sometimes get, well I was all warn and fuzzy.
Besides the thorn in my flesh, as I said before, that maybe it is there so I don’t wander from God. Paul had a thorn in his flesh too and look what he did. My second complaint is I feel I have lost headship in my house some brought about by this retched thorn and not taking a stand. Shame on me.
I want my wife to join me in my daily devotional and reading the word. We used to hug each other and pray for each other whispering in each other ear. Now I pray openly for her and she is silent. Shoot brothers she needs as much pray as I do. The romance, affection and respect have left from the marriage and replaced with, rejection, neglect and indifference and I don’t know how to get it back. I pray there is still a spark that God would ignite into a blaze once again.
(rdrcomp )We have been to “Christian” counselors and all that came out of that was a big amount owing that and the counselor telling my wife she had build walls to keep from getting hurt. But that was 25 years ago. We have been married 35 years and needless to say we have had some craters on our road of life. Some I take responsibility for but not all. I have been forgiven by the Lord but I fear I have not been forgiven by my wife. As I see it the Lord is not going to send me out on missions if I can’t run my own house. The Lord has ..ALWAYS met our needs and sometimes our wants, and He has NEVER failed us.
I thank God I am welcomed in this blog and I know where my brothers in Christ are He is there also. I truly covert your prayers, as I too pray for abundant Grace and Peace in your lives as well.
Thank you for sharing your hearts with me, just pray I will do Gods perfect will. Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in us will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: Phil 1:6
Phil 1:2-3
Your servant Mark L
Mark L says: March 4, 2009 at 7:06 pmcraig l martin, if you are here in this blog it is because the LORD led you here. NEVER think you are bothering any brother in Christ to hold you up in prayer. We don’t have to know what your need is, God knows and He will hear.
Your servant Mark l
Mark L says: March 4, 2009 at 7:17 pmMoonlady Avril
When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.
Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.
John 8:10-12 Jesus is speaking to everybody. Read through some of these blogs a and be refreshed.
To Mark, Steve, Moonlady: Bless you all and those others who have shared on this blog. Since I have first started contributing (not that long ago) I have thought that this blog was a blessing. Today has just proven that point. It is what I would call Christian community. You are all in my prayers. We are all praying for each other and this is clearly the place to come. None of us are here by accident of that I am convinced.
Robert Slone says: March 4, 2009 at 7:43 pmIf you are witnesssing for Jesus, you are under attack by the evil one. I had to try to long on 3 times just now to say this.
Laurielee says: March 4, 2009 at 7:45 pmI haven’t commented for a few days because I don’t want to show negativity, and don’t like being a ‘downer’. But I need to tell anyone who will listen. God does, I know, and I’ve spent much time reading and praying…also trying to keep up with school, work, and a sinus infection that apparently doesn’t want to go. I know the end of the story, but lately it seems as if I’ve been innundated with ‘The World’ , and being weary of it. We have one community college here…for miles. MOST of the instructors have bulletin boards outside their offices promoting the Iowa Pride Network, (GLBT), and are very bullish about being ‘in your face’. In one class, the teacher posed a question, “What is the first thing you do if your car won’t start?” I answered, “Pray.” She said that we don’t say things like that in the classroom. Though we can talk about much that should be unmentionable. When I go on teacher observations, (as I’m hoping to be a teacher, and show a good affinity for it, I get A’s), I have to wear shirts with collars high enough so my cross won’t show. (I don’t take it off, and never wear lowcut shirts to begin with.) I know God knows what’s going on, because He did the most marvelous thing…one of my instructors let me and a couple other students know that he’s also Christian, has also been somewhat shunned for his beliefs, and invited us to his church. Yes, I’m going to go. Also, the local newspaper has been coming out in support of same-sex marriage…and woe to any Christian that tries to speak against it. We are bullied, called names, and our words are twisted. I’m realizing that I need to be in a community of believers just to be able to stand. It’s just that I feel like saying, “Jesus, please come now, I’ve seen enough, and I don’t want to see any more.” Then I feel guilty, because I know there are still those to be saved…including those in my own family, so I feel selfish. Any thoughts, anyone?
gr8grannyjacobs says: March 4, 2009 at 7:45 pmGod does heal all wounds and I don’t mean that in anyway to infer that the pain in the wound doesn’t hurt just that without God and His hope where would we go with our pain. It hurts terribly to lose a child so I can relate to Steve and Matthews story. There was healing for that couple and I believe God sent.
God uses amazing events to bring us comfort in our worst pain as He did for my husband and me when our daughter died .I found comfort in things that probably don’t mean much to anyone else like she was 33 Christ died at 33. I know that sounds silly but it was a holding on point and God was all I could hold on to at that time. We also had her young son to raise and found comfort there also. Enough about me as I want so much to help all of you that are in pain and all I know to offer you are my own experiences of how God helped me and I know He will help you.
Steve, Glenna and Matt We hope to meet you in a couple of years if you are willing as we swing through WV to see my siblings. I have shared so much about you with my husband he is even reading the blog. His name is Sam
Ruthi says: March 4, 2009 at 8:03 pmHi…God bless you all. I just fell into a depression when I lost my job unjustly on 12-29-08. I can’t stand lies & thats what this new manager did when he lied, mistreated me verbally & physcially & I’m the one without a job. I feel he should definitely not have his job after how he treated me & I guess this unfairness must be keeping me in this depression. I don’t feel this would be a chemical imbalance, however it may be, as my body just seems to shut down. This all happens when I get treated unjustly & lose my job. Can anyone else relate to this? Please pray this darkness leaves me very soon, as I really can’t stand this. I love our Lord & was fine before all this happened. It’s been a couple months now since the job loss.I appreciate all of your support & prayers. God bless, Ruthi
SFDBWV says: March 4, 2009 at 8:27 pmCharlotte, You and Sam are welcome anytime you can make it.
My wife was 50 when she died of cancer, her mother turned 90 last week. She lives right here next to us. She is a good Christian woman but like many I know has never recovered from losing her daughter. She dreams of her and also of her deceased husband a lot.
Glenna’s mother and my mother-in-law were sisters. Sounds like a West Virginia story doesn’t it. Glenna’s mother died many years ago. When Glenna left here after her mother and father died she thought she would never be back again…..God had other plans.
My previous post was written before I read any of the other posts here…now I feel even more selfish as my problems don’t amount to a hill of beans compared to others. I guess it doesn’t really make it any less difficult, though. God bless each and every one of you, and you will all be in my prayers tonight.
SFDBWV says: March 4, 2009 at 8:32 pmlaurielee & Ruthi, I have to shut down for the night, but wanted you both to know You are on my long list of prayers tonight.
Steve
Robert Slone says: March 4, 2009 at 8:39 pmRuthi, the same thing happened to me in Feburary of 2003. I was going berserk. Then after a while it became a blessing. I will be praying for you. It has been 6 years, but I still have scars. I know what it all feels like. Greater is he that is in me, than he that is in the world.
Ruthi says: March 4, 2009 at 9:13 pmHi Robert Slone..I’m sorry for what you had to go through, as well as everyone else here. My heart & prayers goes out to all of you. Robert, you say it has been 6 years & a blessing now, but how does one go on financially? How did this become a blessing for you? When your body shut down, did you feel you were literally fighting for your life? How did you get over the anxiety & depression? Yes, Greater is he that is in me, than he that is in the world is a powerful verse. Thanks Steve & Robert for your prayers.
psalm100 says: March 4, 2009 at 9:20 pmI have been very depressed lately. I know my problems are probably nothing compared to others. I have been saved for 6 years now. I feel like I have accomplished nothing for the Lord and I also feel like I have accomplished nothing in my life. I desire to finish college, but I am unable to get any financial help. It has been a struggle to get out of the bed in the mornings. I feel like a failure in every sense of the word. Many people are accomplishing great things for the Lord and are successful. All I get is pain on top of pain. I have sought the Lord. Somedays I feel like I can go on and others days I can barely make it. My job is also uncertain. My whole future is uncertain. I don’t know which way to turn.
sitsathisfeet says: March 4, 2009 at 9:21 pmLaurielee don’t feel bad about mentioning your delima. I had blogged in earlier posts about the class I was taking for ece credits with a similar experience, and mentioned that both my pastor, his wife and numerous other church members were teaching in public schools, and had experienced some of the things you are speaking about. We can definately pray for you and your situation, to know how the Lord wants you to act in situations like these. I think of Esther and Daniel and how they handled the situations they were placed in. I believe it is for times, and situations like these that the Lord can use us for his purposes, as well as our own. I am so encouraged by your desire to teach etc. may God bless you in all aspects of your endeavors, even as you remain faithful to him. Your sister in Christ, Janice
rdrcomp says: March 4, 2009 at 9:29 pmLaurielee, I don’t think anyone should feel guilty about wanting Jesus to return asap. John felt that way at the end of the book of Revelation, chapter 22 verse 20: He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus. Yep, John was ready too, so you’re in good company. I too want Him to hurry. There’s a wonderful mansion built by our Lord for us to dwell in, and an eternity to enjoy His company and NO MORE TEARS, SICKNESS, PAIN, MISERY, DEPRESSION, and any other bad thing we have to put up with here.
So go on, enjoy thinking about His coming soon. Nothing wrong with that. But until He does come, know that you are in good company here and a lot of folks care for each other as you well know. As you heal from your weariness, you will be sharing Christ because how could we keep quiet about such a wonderful Savior? He’s the best thing that has ever happened to us.
Hope things get better for you at the community college. But you have the good news, not those who are pushing the world’s agenda.
Bob
rdrcomp says: March 4, 2009 at 9:45 pmMoonlady Avril, your need is Christ. He fills all of our emptiness, and supplies everything we need. You are loved here, by our Lord, and by those of us who comment. None of us can brag on our goodness, our works, our attitudes, nothing. We’re all sinners who need Jesus. And He has made us new creations as we trust in Him for everything: forgiven sins, adjusted attitudes, eternal life, a forever family we all are a part of, everything. Apart from Him we can do nothing (and are nothing).
You should really get intimate with Him. He can make you into a new person: He has promised that if we trust Him, He will. One thing I feel sure He will do for you is to help you see the transexual thing is not a healthy, joyful lifestyle, in fact He will help you get that sorted out and make you feel good about being a man, no matter what your past has been. And yes, I think you aren’t doing right by your partner. But I’m not preaching against you, I just know how Jesus feels about those things.
I encourage you to get into a Bible believing church and encourage you to browse the Discovery Series of RBC ministries and get built up in the faith again. You won’t regret it.
Bob
Laurielee says: March 4, 2009 at 10:08 pmYou are all such beautiful, beautiful people! Sitsathisfeet, Thank you so much for reminding me of Esther & Daniel! rdrcomp, thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to feel guilty for wanting Him to come soon! Psalm100, you, too, are in my prayers tonight. I truly, truly understand what you are saying…there are times I feel as if I could have written the same words. The greatest majority of those who serve our Lord are not those who are going to be remembered by name by others…but will CERTAINLY be remembered by name by our Father! What you think is the very smallest thing you do for another could be a very big thing to the one you’ve done for. A smile, a shoulder, a drink of water, a prayer, even a post on a blog that reminds others that they are not the only one feeling the way they do. The Father’s great love for you is not dependent on the works that you do. I know that sometimes we also want to do something extraordinary to show God how much we love Him. He knows. I’ll share one of my sillinesses with you…every Father’s Day, I always have the desire to give our Father a Father’s Day card…um, where would I send it? We are not always as grownup as we think we are…and I think it’s a GOOD thing. Bless you…and I’m sending a hug!
psalm100 says: March 4, 2009 at 10:45 pmLaurielee: Thank you for your words of wisdom. I know that God’s love for me isn’t based on the works I do. I just desire for my life to be fulfilling. I have been going to a community college for a long time and I have yet to get a degree. I am single with no kids. It is hard to get federal grants to help pay for college. I am “stuck” in a job that I dislike. The boss is a control freak. I try not to complain much because I know there are millions without a job right now. I want to marry one day and have kids. I don’t want to be alone forever. I know God hears my pleas for help and strength.
Ruthi says: March 4, 2009 at 10:49 pmPsalm100, you are in my prayers. I can relate to you well, as I too have been feeling the same way as you. Just know God loves you too and feel his loving arms holding you. I’m sending you a hug in Christ also. I love this song…Hold me Jesus, I’m shaking like a leaf, You have been my King Of Glory, won’t you be my Prince Of Peace.God Bless you too. Ruthi
rokdude5 says: March 4, 2009 at 11:26 pmRuthi and Laurielee, Youre in my prayers as well. Im hoping that you may find even some small measure of comfort in knowing that many of us, if not all, have your concerns in our hearts.
Laurielee, Here’s my two cents on your classroom situation. I would have said to the instructor, “Im sorry you cant say anything religious but I CAN and I have the US Constitution to back me. Care to look? I think its called ‘Freedom of Speech.’”
Like you, MarkL, I, too, worked in an institution for the criminally insane. A lot of those folks do have neurological chemical inbalance. Too much dopamine will make a lot of them say, “God wanted me to kill …whoever.”
Severe deprivation of serotonin could lead to suidical depression. (Its reported that Lincoln suffered depression during his presidency but not so severe that he became suicidal.) In a lot of cases, they will attempt to take family members along with them.
Suicide occurs once every 16 minutes in the US alone and its the 11th leading cause of death.
Not enough norepinephrine will lead to a manic-depression cycle. (Napoleon suffered from this.)
Compound this along with some believers who feel that any form of mental illness is due to being “possessed” and hence those sufferers should be avoided at all cost which could lead some people looking for help elsewhere.
The rest of us just get emotionally depressed. I know I get into feeling downright funk. I come to realize that my bouts of the blues come from having life not meeting my expectations. I want a full overflowing cup but life falls way short. I miss my folks and some friends who the Lord called home. I focus on Ps 23:1 and learn to be satisfied in what the Lord dealt me.
It isnt easy to feel not in want but I will struggle to do so.
As far as “anxieties” goes, one way I look at it is - anxiety is having anger in the future over some event that most likely wont happen. Most of us dont realize that a book or a TV show or a play are filled with anxieties - whether it be “losing the farm”, losing a love one, getting attack by a giant bug, etc, etc. Even the commercials are laden with anxieties of not being accepted due to having grey hairs, being fat, a crummy job, etc etc. Phil 4:8.
Where does God want me after all this? You said, Mart. Totally and completely surrender to Him - my life, my mind and my heart.
nintai says: March 4, 2009 at 11:29 pmBecause I work at a college, I feel overwhelmed with liberal thought. It seems that the anti-life, anti-
Christians have won. Besides the way the country is going, I have had several physical problems. I am wondering what God is trying to tell me. I do work a lot and I am taking a class. I am a senior, although just there. After reading this, and reading Psalm 73, I know that I need to spend more time with God and less with work and busyness. Thank you for this post. Just pray that I will know when to say “stop” or “no” to things and people around me.
I will be praying for you all tonight. Many of your experiences are so different than mine. With many, I can not say I know how you feel, as I haven’t been there. I am thankful that you are willing to share here. It is important to be able to find a place where you are loved, and you are! No easy 1, 2, 3 answers here, to see all the pain taken away, financial struggles removed, relationships restored. But something even greater, your relationship with God can be secured and you can find that He is the All Sufficient One.
There are many days that I have struggled, and the best thing for me is to go back to the Word of God, to Jesus Christ. No matter what I have experienced, I know that God’s Word is faithful and true. That Jesus Christ gave His life in my place on the cross so that I might experience Life, Jesus Himself for all eternity. The best thing for me is to realize that I deserve nothing but death, Hell, yet God chose me to be free from my sin and to enjoy Him forever. As I confessed my sin before Him, and received His forgiveness and the gift of life, I now have Hope. For those of you hurting so, I will pray. Let us know how you are doing.
Please keep looking to the truth of the Word. Look to the Truth Himself.
John 14:6 says: Jesus said to him, “I am the Way, and the Truth and the Life, no one comes to the Father, but through me.”
Finally in Hebrews 12:1-3
1 Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
You all sound like knowledgeable and compassionate disciples of Christ, and perhaps I just need to go back on meds, yet again, but they always have side-effects that get me down more and more until I finally need to get off them again.
What do you do when favourite Bible verses and praise songs and even truly beautiful instrumental music don’t “do the trick” anymore, when limited finances and mobility issues leave you few options re even going for a walk (which was ever my balm, along with music), when you have no close family or friends at hand who have any patience left, when when prayer just ends up in hopeless and guilty tears because after your problems are so petty compared to so very many others’, when all you know for sure is that you have failed as a disciple of Christ and have no motivation left whatsoever, and you are floundering more and more?
A few of you may dismiss this as simply a mega pity party, and tell me suicide is the most “selfish” choice and takes one “straight to hell”. But I am beyound caring what anyone thinks or expects of me anymore.
Perhaps I am foolish and oh yes “lazy” enough enough to just want a “miracle straight from God”, but the game plan doesn’t work that way.
I don’t even know for SURE why I am here, I am out of my league. I just know that even the Word’s most beautiful truths no longer reassure me or revive my tenuous hold on faith.
I am tired to the marrow of everything.
I do know that God is always with us whenever we need HIM. However, I still don’t understand why He let all my sadness and emptiness continously affect my ministry..I serve in church as Sunday School teacher, I join our Youth Fellosship…etc..Perhaps, i should not blaming and accusing HIM as He is Lord..He can do anything He want to me as I’m truly a sinner…I’m tired for everything and even it makes me frustrated all the time..Still, i can keep and hiding everything..Feeling down…I am
daisymarygoldr says: March 5, 2009 at 1:44 amcraig l martin, I’m listening and praying for you! Your life is not over yet…this is just the beginning of a wonderful life that God has in store for you. If God were to consider us based on our karma, then it would be the same for all of us. All have sinned and each one of us deserves nothing but death. Thank God, for Jesus Christ who did it all for us…on the cross. All we have to do is believe and accept His work on the cross. This is God’s promise for you “…though your sins are like scarlet I’ll make them pure as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool…” So just hang in there…because God loves you!
Steve, this one is for you: Joyfully you’ll pull up buckets of water from the wells… And as you do it, you’ll say, “Give thanks to God. Call out His name. Ask Him anything! (Isaiah 12:3-4)
Gretel, you are very tired… Simply trust and lean on God…He will give real rest to your weary soul!
Suzima Siping, Give all your sadness and emptiness over to God because He really cares about you!
kaliko88 says: March 5, 2009 at 6:03 amGretel and Suzima, when all those things don’t work, I simply say ‘Love is a cross.’ There are times when I have those black days, where I don’t care about anyone or anything, and all I can do is cry and say ‘Jesus, you’re all I have left.’ And then I feel calmer knowing that even if all I have left is Jesus, it is enough. All of this is really just a short span compared to what awaits us in eternity. If I cannot trust him to bring me through, then there is nothing.
And while you may trash your concerns as petty and selfish after comparing them to others, Jesus does not see them that way. Your concerns, your hurts, your feelings are important to him. I don’t know how you feel, but I cannot look at that cross and then just toss everything away.
And I think all will find if you stick around here long enough that these words are not empty. There is a love here that is shared amply. Take it, freely, and I hope it comforts you.
Psalm100 (that’s my absolute favorite, btw) I know how you feel. I hate seeing my college update magazine. There were times I felt I had wasted all my learning, and that my job was just a job. But I found meaning in it. I do layout and design, simple stuff like business cards and fliers, not elaborate graphic design. I’m not an artist. But there are people who need just the simple. Where I work I can do those things affordably, and have found ways to use my limited talents effectively. Simple does not mean ugly or plain. And I also am able to lend my talents to a nonprofit group. It took about 10 years to realize all this. I love the simple now. I love that my life is full of simple things, and yet those simple things let loose elaborate joys. And as for accomplishing anything for the Lord, well, who says? Sometimes we are not aware of the ways we do his work until much later. And some of us may be destined to minister to just one soul. But that one soul still matters. If we tell Jesus, ‘just use me, Lord,’ we shouldn’t be surprised if he has other ideas.
My prayer list is getting longer. And it’s a good thing. You all are part of that simple, elaborate joy.
MarkieMark says: March 5, 2009 at 7:01 amI cannot express enough about how this blog lifts me up. I rarely post anything but read it often. So many stories sound and feel like my own and yet so many have it worse. My heart always goes out in prayer the folks on this blog. I can really feel the power in praying for others.
SFDBWV says: March 5, 2009 at 7:21 amIt was a busy night on “Been Thinking About, Feeling Down.” Praise God!
Daisy, God bless you, as you already know, I know God never disapoints. Glad to see you on the job.
There are so many of you that have lifted the weight you carry by confessing your heart. It feels good to do this. But best of all, you have expressed it to God and shared it with HIS Church. Together we can move mountains, heal, do all things through our King Jesus the Christ. It is said that where 2 or more gather together in His name HE is there, it is also said that where 2 agree as to touching anything, it is done. All things through Jesus Christ. Let us all be prayerful for each others needs, God is faithful to give you the desires of your heart.
Be patient, help others,keep your mind on Christ. Before you know it you’re waist deep in answered prayers.
craig l martain, I’d like to hear from you…
Steve
bretnb says: March 5, 2009 at 7:36 amCraig
Just want you to know that I will pray that you will read all the post to you and believe what all these folks are saying. A person can never get good enough to be saved. Thats why we need Christ. He can forgive all sins, no matter how bad we think we are!
Laurielee says: March 5, 2009 at 9:57 amGretel, I honestly know where you’re coming from. You know that old saying, “When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hold on?” I thought it was the dumbest thing I’d ever heard. But I held on anyway. When you can’t think of a reason to hang on, do it ‘anyway’. 2 1/2 years ago, I had no home, my relatives are not believers, so no help or support was coming from there. I had been diagnosed with clinical depression and panic & anxiety disorder. I was put on ALOT of drugs. (The doctor was later fired because of another case of the same thing.) I had my youngest mid-teen with me…my other two were adults, one far away. Although I was on meds, I was more depressed than I’d ever been. My children would try to reminisce with me about things that had happened, but I couldn’t remember! THAT got through to me, and I cried & cried. I immersed myself in my Psalms, and they became my own. It actually got worse before it got better. I went to another doctor, who put me on a taper program to get the meds out of my system…unfortunately, the drugs were so dangerous and high dosage, that I had to be sent, in an emergency, to the hospital. The specialist said that I had been put on such high amounts of drugs, that not only was she amazed I could walk, but my heart was being damaged from withdrawl…they had to slow the taper down, and it took many months to get it all out of my system. It put me in a state of psychosis, which drove even more loved ones away. I delivered myself into God’s hands, because there was nothing more for me to do. I ’bout wore through that ‘knot’. There were days I’d actually wake up and cry, because I made it to another day! But I made it! Today, I have my own cozy apartment, I work, I go to school, My youngest will turn 18 in a few days, and will graduate high school this year. Life is not perfect, by any means, but overall, I am content. When my 6-year old granddaughter talks to me, I remember it!
Everyone, all we have to do is read the paper and look around us. Jesus told us about this. We would be inhuman if it didn’t depress us! It’s affecting more and more people. I DO, obviously, from my earlier posts, still get depressed. I’ve made myself a regimen…If I need to get alone (like Jesus did) I do it. I eat healthier (it helps alot!), I go for walks (it really DOES help the head!), I get a good night’s sleep (if I can), but too much sleep will make it worse. A little HEALTHY escapism is good, too. I read Christian fiction. Most of all, keep looking to the sky, because I believe all these bad things in the world only means His return is closer! It WILL get better! He, Himself, will wipe away every tear from your eyes. He cares! I care, too. Remember, you ARE loved!
Hi Ruthi, I did go to a Christian counselor for a while. Really they just reminded me of what I already knew, but I was kind of in a panic. I have a fussion in my neck from 1993 and had ciatica for a number of years, besides the depression I was in from being so betrayed. I managed to get a medical retirement along with the regular retirement I had coming, although reduced since I was only 50 at the time. I had to file bankruptcy. I live a different life style now, but am much happier. I didn’t realize how much I had been caught up in the rat race or for how long. God promisies to provide our needs, it is our wants that get us into trouble. It has taken a few years, but I’m a better person for Christ for having gone through the fire.
poohpity says: March 5, 2009 at 10:39 amI believe one of the best things for depression is getting out of self and doing something for someone else. One of the biggest problems with our walk with the Lord is the fact we forget He came to serve. If we continue doing the same things everyday expecting different results then we fool ourselves. Do something a little bit different today. Be kind to someone and do not expect anything in return. In Christ Jesus we are overcomers and the chains have been broken to our old lives.
Depression is a natural thing when we live in a fallen world, so choose to depress for a little while then get up wash your face and do something different. There are hundreds of volunteer activities out there or just in your own neighborhoods. If you just try an inch today and then tomorrow another inch, then another, you will be amazed how far you will have gone. That first inch is going to be very hard and the next will be hard and the next will be a little easier.
Stop listening to all the lies about worthlessness and doing something that can not be forgiven. The only thing that can not be forgiven is that of denying Christ. If Christ died on the Cross for you if you were the only person alive on the face of the earth He would have still done it. So you are of much worth to Him and that is all that matters.
nicoleschumacher says: March 5, 2009 at 10:40 amWhen we are feeling down, we MUST cling to our Lord. While there maybe an underlying cause to the depression, Satan is attacking us causing us to become weak. He will us anything he can to try to get us to turn from the Lord. I know when I am feeling this way, I know I need to pray to God and rely on Him to get me out of it. It seems as though I struggle with that because my prayer aren’t 100%. Satan will cause doubt to enter your mind and thus causing my prayers to be lacking.
God is the only one who can truly bring you out of any situation. While you may need the aide of medical professionals, God who is ultimately in control, will be the one who truly heals…
mtman says: March 5, 2009 at 12:14 pmThere is so much loving and compassion here it blows my mind. What good solid advice. I can relate to the anti-Christian college experience. It upset me many years ago when I was in college. I got more stubborn and as I look back on it now I see it was a test for me to choose between the earthly things and my Lord. I took that narrow path and have never regretted it at all.
When I feel lonely or depressed I do go off to a quiet spot to talk to God about how I feel. Sometimes I yell at him, say less than kind things about Him, and he generally is just happy to hear from me. He always points me back to the cross and what his Son did for me.
There has been a lot of hurt and pain expressed in this blog but there are so many who have been there or had worse that it makes my problems seem trivial. Satan is hard at work and when I check out the dog web sites and see what people do to their pets and also children it overwhelms me. If you want a physical earthly expression of what love is just have a dog. But when I see the harm done to them it tells me there are a lot of normal looking people we encounter every day that choose to do evil to dogs and children. It is not hard to see why we get depressed sometimes. This is however a very good place to come to for love, caring, sharing, and healing.
Daisy: When I saw your post it made my heart leap. You have much to offer and I am happy to see you back.
Visualize in your hearts, all of us joining hands in this song.
Be Blessed by Bishop Paul S Morton -
Be Blessed my brother,
Be blessed my sister,
be blessed wherever this life leads you,
let me encourage you,
let me speak life to you,
You can depend on God to see you through,
You can depend on me to pray for you
-You might be hurting,
you might be crying,
you might be worrying and frustrated to,
let me encourage you let me speak life to you
you can can depend on God to see you through,
you can depend on me to pray for you
-Pray im gonna keep on prayin,
Pray im gonna keep on prayin for you,
Pray im gonna keep on prayin,
Pray im gonna keep on prayin for you
you can depend on God to see you thru,
you can depend on me to pray for you
I see you in the future.
and you look better,
I see you walking in favor and prosperity too,
let me encourage you,
let me speak life to you,
you can depend on God to see you through,
you can depend on me to pray for you
-I pray for you,
you pray for me,
and watch God change things,
-I pray for you,
you pray for me and watch God change things
Go to:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zt67dqnWDHw if you want to hear it as it was performed at The Full Gospel Baptist Church Fellowship
Mark L says: March 5, 2009 at 12:36 pmConfess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16
I praise God for this blog and RBC for hosting. What an excellent way to confess our faults and get prayer and positive feed back. The fervent effectual prayer of Gods people does availeth much. I can bare witness to answered prayer. Thank you all for being my Ruben and lifting me out of the cistern I see changes just over night to the Lord answering prayers. That is not to say the battles are over because they won’t be over until I have finished the race that is set before us. The thoughts of suicide and feeling of depression have diminished for now and I will continue to believe in the Lord that spirits will not return.
There is a men’s breakfast at church Saturday I will be going to with my son who is 30, He also can use lots of prayer. Like many of the young people these days he is living in sin unmarried and just can not make a commitment to marry this girl, for whatever reasons. I pray the spark that has been kindled in his heart by the Lord will burst into a blaze and that he sees the things of this world are temporal and the Lord is the author and finisher of our faith. May he find fellowship with like believers that would be his Ruben.
My daughter is 31 and is seeking a man of God to marry but pickings are slim. She has high standards and it trusting the Lord for a godly mate. She also keeps things in her life that would hold her back from receiving all the blessing the Father has for her.
Pray for my wife that she sees the critical, complaining spirits she carries with her and that we all will return to the daily devotionals and prayer together.
Both of my adult children are constantly reminded that we are living in the last days and the Lords return is ever so soon and to build up treasures in heaven where we can present them to the Lord on that glorious day. As their Dad it is my prayer that when they enter in to the kingdom that they will enter in with crowns of gold and not bands silver. I know they are saved for Christ died once and for all. Their names are written in the Lambs book of life and the only way it will be blotted out is by rejecting Jesus as Lord and I refuse to believe the Lord will allow that to happen to any of His children because He loves them so much.
Dear Heavenly Father, I lift up all my brothers and sisters in the Lord and ask you to richly bless their lives with a good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over. Father I ask you to place a hedge of thorns around the faithful to protect them from the fiery darts of the evil one. And Father for those who don’t know your son Jesus, I pray you send forth your Holy Spirit to touch their lives and reveal your Grace and give them a blessed assurance of eternal salvation. Open there eyes and let them see the wonders of your handy work. To the labors in the harvest field here and in other countries may their harvest reap a bounty of souls.
Finely Lord Jesus come quickly, I ask in the mighty name of Jesus and all Gods people said….. AMEN
Your servant Mark L
mrsbrown says: March 5, 2009 at 1:08 pmWe are the church right here as bloggers. My husband and I are graduates of a prominent Christian college and ended up serving God in many capacities throughout our 30yr marriage.When he ended up falling to pieces well into our marriage with several affairs, bancruptcy, alcholism and lies… he was a music minister! Where were those to hold him to the fire in a church with 3 services? Now as we are wiser and have moved on,we live in a very desolate part of the country (husband was downsized and we are here because this was the only place that gave him a job) where the state we live in prides itself on being Godless…so much so that most evangelical preachers and intellectuals look at us from the ‘rearview mirror’ No ones wants to come up here and minister to the lost. We have never been so in need of fellowship. We are at a great loss. Having this blog makes the truth about who the church is! We are all in need of the Savior! I am so impressed with the sincerity and love expressed here. This is the Body! I got more out of this 2 day blog than I did with 15yrs in a mega church! My hope is that this upcoming generation of 20/30yr olds are listening and will start a major church revolution to bring some hard core honesty back along with the immense love and caring of our’daddy God’ . It’s obvious the past way the churches are run is not working! Jesus must be so sad the way we treat one another. Thank you all for caring enough to wear your life on your sleeve!
poohpity says: March 5, 2009 at 2:12 pmAs I was out at the bone doc this morning the thought came to mind that our Savior experienced depression too, I would imagine, to a very great extent. Think about it, this God/Man, His body ripped to an unrecognizable piece of flesh for doing nothing wrong. While He was in this state He forgave those who did this to Him, He gave salvation to the criminal next to Him and He prepared for someone to take care of His Mother. All this while hanging there bleeding and unable to breathe He still thought of others and on top of all that He experienced separation from God because He bore our sins. Now that would really depress me but He loved us so very, very much that He did all that out of that love He knew we needed. Thank you so much Jesus for your love and faithfulness to us and that is what I call grace, when we did not deserve anything but death.
mtman says: March 5, 2009 at 2:37 pmpoohpity: Extremely well said! I once gave a key note testimony and address to a group of Christian men at a retreat. I gave the same message as you did but not nearly as elegant. This blog is truly blessed with love, compassion, wisdom and those who are willing to share insights and life experiences.
Robert Slone says: March 5, 2009 at 3:48 pmpoohpity, I was laying down resting a while ago and I thought - look at all the ones in the Bible that had despair and depression, including like you said, Jesus, and what did they all do - Pray.
Ruthi says: March 5, 2009 at 3:52 pmHi Robert Slone & all other christian brothers & sisters here on the blog…You’re all in my prayers. Robert, I see you had sciatica. I thought you may have had a similar medical condition as mine which does bring on non-stop pain, which then goes into depression & anxiety. I have degenerative disc, herniated disc in LS-6,sciatica bigtime & now with no job, no insurance, they put me on Tramadol which doesn’t seem to help. I was on Ultram (brand name of Tramadol) in the past when I could afford it & it did help. They say I’m a good candidate for surgery but again no insurance. Are you free of the sciatica pain now? I pray I am SOON!! Thanks again to everyone praying for me. Ruthi
Laurielee says: March 5, 2009 at 4:19 pmmrsbrown, God bless you! Christians are the most resilient people I know…they fall down…BUT they get back up!
pooh, you reminded me of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemene. Matthew 26:36-46. Especially 37-38; “He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with Him, and He began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then He said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with Me.”
That’s what we’re all doing…keeping watch with one another.
Things to ask yourself if you’re depressed…Are you hurt, angry, lonely, or tired? HALT, for short. I would add ‘ill’, too.
Has anyone ever heard of the Desiderata? I won’t quote the whole thing, but wanted to share this…”Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”
daisymarygoldr says: March 5, 2009 at 4:25 pmmtman, you and your posts are such a blessing to me. Being human, I also tend to get hurt…especially when fellow believers make fun of my values and lifestyle. It is very tough for an odd individual like me to try and fit in with the rest of the community here…must admit that because of this I was feeling down and discouraged for the past few days. However, God provided solace and comfort in the encouraging words offered by you and the other good folks here. Your comments reminded me that it is not about me or my hurts… but it is all about Him. So, sunny days or rainy days, the job must be done… and that there is no quitting…because to whom much is given much is required. mtman, Thank you! …for the reminder:)
Robert Slone says: March 5, 2009 at 4:33 pmI’ve been on pain medication since I don’t know when. Have had my coradic artery unplugged after a small stroke, stint in my artery on the right side of my heart, and right now am still working on having my left nostril rebuilt after removing a basil cell cancer. Through it all God has been there and I have a big sence of humor. The way I look at it, I’m bullet proof till God says so and even then I get to go be with him. If that’s not the best of both worlds, I don’t know what is. Over the last couple of years I’ve lost fear and depression is just a short down feeling and I pray. As others have said, do for others, I pray for others and there is always someone that has something worse than I. God is good. You have to be very careful on medications. I never take anything until I just have to.
Laurielee says: March 5, 2009 at 4:35 pmdaisy, I am sad that you’ve been hurt…especially by fellow believers. I’m a pretty odd individual myself…may I ask, please forgive me if I’m intrusive, why do you think you’re odd? I think that we’re all fashioned uniquely. Maybe you’re like a diamond, with wonderful, unique facets that are unlike any other.
paulnotPaul says: March 5, 2009 at 5:55 pmRuthi- I have worked for Christ-based businesses and non-profits and was just as disallusioned by the lies and bad examples of those that run those businesses as have for completely worldly places of work. I think we sometimes set our expectations so high that no one but Jesus would be able to keep to them. I have found out though that as long as I harbor unforgiveness and dislike for these people I am only hurting myself. I do find it impossiblt to stay angry with or sometimes hate others if I am praying for them. It does me a world of good to pray for those I hate or dislike for their actions. It also soes some good for them. I don’t ask God to change them but just to bless them in His own way. Before long I find they have changed. But funny, it is mnot that they have changed but my view of them has changed by looking at them through God’s eyes!! I hope this helps!!!!!
mtman says: March 5, 2009 at 7:28 pmDaisymarygoldr: You are not odd at all. You are a blessing and if that takes odd then so be it because you are a true blessing to this Christian family. If it came down to odd then I would be singled out too. I mean how much odder does it get than myself, my wife and our three dogs living remotely in the mountains, having a wood stove for heat, 264″ on average snow a year, a 6 gal. how water heater for warm water, talking to the wild animals, having the birds come and get me when they are out of food. Most folks consider us either nuts or very odd. If my lifestyle or odd behavior can reach out to anyone in the name of our Lord, their comments won’t hurt my feelings at all. I know I’m odd and that to habitate with wild animals that could harm you is not normal. I figure I stand a better chance with the wild animals than crossing a Walmart parking lot. I consider my oddness a blessing not a curse. God Bless you and my heary did skip a beat when I saw you back. You enrich me with your postings. Also, living remote like we do when I’m out working outside and talking out loud to the Lord, I feel really near to him and I have it on very good authority that he doesn’t consider my lifestyle odd. God Bless
daisymarygoldr says: March 5, 2009 at 7:54 pmLaurielee, I greatly enjoy reading your posts. There is an honesty about you that is very rare in this day and age… you literally put your heart out in your comments and you are right, we are all fashioned uniquely. My previous posts are proof enough that I’m no angel or nun and I’m certainly not a diamond:)…but Thank you! for helping me see that it is OK to be odd…
mtman, you are such a precious gem… your love for the wild is so amazing. Thanks again for your words of wisdom! Keep posting…
Mart De Haan says: March 6, 2009 at 4:31 amThank you all for telling your stories and for caring for one another.
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