Discussion Topic
no longer on top of the world
Posted on 11/07/09, 07:45 pm
yeah im in that place again
not sure when it started but shud have seen it coming just thought i was taking some time out,, im ignoring my friends ,i dont exactly resent my family but i feel that they ask too much,,when all they want is the normal things like me to talk, support, cook meals, clean house,,etc etc etc,,,,,,
but im just not capable, im tired all the time i dont want to get up dont want to go out,,,
constantly lookin for excuses to stay in, ignore the fone, ignore the very people around me,,,
i feel like hell.
i feel so low that i just cant lift this feeling and the fact that i cant get out of this is just making me feel worse,,
im so lonely i am a single mum,but i dont feel that i can get into a relationship because of me,,because of this,
my children dont deserve this and im so sorry for them,,im not functioning properly,,i want to leave my job so bad,the only thing that keeps me there is the fact iv left so many, so many times before and the mess it creates because we have no money is unbelievable,,
ive been to my doctors again but because im new there they say i have to wait six to see the psychotherapist
im so low,i feel sad all the time, keep cryin in the worst places, feel bad for everything even stuff that has nothing to do with me,,i feel like im pulling in the worlds sadness and making it my own
i dont want to be like this again,,,what am i going to do??
i hate my head, i hate my face, my hands im so tired of putting everyone through this
im so angry
tam
not sure when it started but shud have seen it coming just thought i was taking some time out,, im ignoring my friends ,i dont exactly resent my family but i feel that they ask too much,,when all they want is the normal things like me to talk, support, cook meals, clean house,,etc etc etc,,,,,,
but im just not capable, im tired all the time i dont want to get up dont want to go out,,,
constantly lookin for excuses to stay in, ignore the fone, ignore the very people around me,,,
i feel like hell.
i feel so low that i just cant lift this feeling and the fact that i cant get out of this is just making me feel worse,,
im so lonely i am a single mum,but i dont feel that i can get into a relationship because of me,,because of this,
my children dont deserve this and im so sorry for them,,im not functioning properly,,i want to leave my job so bad,the only thing that keeps me there is the fact iv left so many, so many times before and the mess it creates because we have no money is unbelievable,,
ive been to my doctors again but because im new there they say i have to wait six to see the psychotherapist
im so low,i feel sad all the time, keep cryin in the worst places, feel bad for everything even stuff that has nothing to do with me,,i feel like im pulling in the worlds sadness and making it my own
i dont want to be like this again,,,what am i going to do??
i hate my head, i hate my face, my hands im so tired of putting everyone through this
im so angry
tam
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Reply #1 11/07/09 8:30pm
I'm sorry your going through such a hard time. Can you go to an emergency room. I'm sure your job will understand that your sick. -
Reply #2 11/08/09 8:26am
Hang on in there, you will get through this x -
Reply #3 11/08/09 5:41pm
i darent go,,,,i cant leave my kids i cant put them thru me bein in hospital,,,,they dont even understand my illness,,,,,my mum watched a programme on tv that dramatised a girl with bi polar and rung to say "u dont hav that do yu?" then i spent two days sayin im sorry an that im ok cus she was crying all the time
thanx for ur support it means a lot to me its not something u can talk about with ur friends and family
tam
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Reply #4 11/08/09 7:46pm
It took me a long time to realize that even though others judge me because of my illness it's still there and I can't hide the symptoms.
Can't the doctor prescribe some medication. -
Reply #5 11/09/09 6:33am
they struggle for two reasons in givin me tablets one because of me i take them then after a while i come off cus i feel better and convince myself i dont need them,two im hypothyroid so that rules out sum meds,,i usually rely on therapy to talk me thru theses episodes to keep me from sliding further,,, i was given a number yesterday that i can ring and speak to a lovely therapist on the fone if im feeling bad until my appointment comes thru,,,,,, -
Reply #6 11/09/09 7:38pm
Oh what good news. At least you have some form of support. I hope your feeling better soon. -
Reply #7 11/10/09 7:11am
thankyou for your support i lost my head again last night i feel like the pressure just built up too much,,but i have it under control today just wish the tears wud stop,,
tam
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