Caribou1

Neighbors who really stress you out.

Posted on 11/04/09, 11:14 am

Has anybody ever had problems with neighbors, who know you're bipolar and really treat you bad?
I just moved a year ago to a new city and state, and met neighbors who seemed nice, but the longer I got to know them the more controlling and rude they were. They would invite us over for dinners ect. We didn't reciprocate yet, because we had to fix the run down house that we bought, but we did so stuff like loan them money and I have been babysitting their son after school for a year, and their kid was sometimes very rude nagging me for food and interrupting my kids when they were trying to talk to me, and always bragging and trying to compete about everything, basically their kid is very spoiled. There were also times when we would visit and the husband would spend time telling our kids what to in front of, me and my husband before we could even say anything even at our house and OTHER people's houses. My kids are active, but they are no worse than any other kid. And one time the husband told me infront of other people outside that my kid should see a psychiatrist, because he was upset about not winning a competition. ( This was before they knew I was BP). My husband got sick of that and confronted them, and that stopped for awhile, meanwhile their son was still acting rude and disrespectful to me and my kids. Finally I got tired of watching their kid and tried to confront his mother about his behavior, and he looked at me like I was crazy and lied about his behavior, so I got really angry and told her that I think my kids should find someone else to play with. She didn't seem to believe me so I started yelling. Later I apologized about yelling and said that I am BP and sometimes overreact when I am stressed out. Well now it's like an excuse for them to be really rude! Yet get this... they still wanted to use me as a free babysitter. They will be really selfish and rude and then later nice. They gave my younger son, their son's old bike ( I didn't feel right about it ,because I knew it probably was a manipulation, but my son was so happy that I let him keep it) but then they proceeded to tell him that he wasn't treating the bike right , because he sometimes would leaveit outside or set it down hard on the ground. Their son said his Mom said they would take it back if he didn't treat it better. She lied and said he made that up, but it sounds exactly like her attitude about things! They have harassed my son about that bike 4 times. I wanted to give it back and my husband just decided to paint it and keep it. Well.. now they are really mad... and every time I try to stand up for my family they treat me like I'm crazy and don't know what I'm talking about. It is really frustrating and I try to just ignore them now, but the husband still wants to hang out with my husband so he can unload his stresses about work on him, and complain about his wife to my husband, because he is a very good listener. However with me they treat me like I'm evil because I'm tired of being used and I feel like if I stand up for myself that they just see as "Oh the BP is on the rampage again". They also told mutual aquaintances that I am BP, and now many of them are distant now. I am tired of trying to "make nice" with these people, but my husband just wants everything smooth, because we have to live near them. Why should I treat them nice, when they see me as lower than them and someone only to use and try to manipulate? Does anybody see my point of view here? Is is just me or do these people seem to have some serious problems of their own?

• Reply #1 11/04/09  11:33am
  
  Mitebsyco
  I've run into people like this. They just find one reason or another to think of you as lower than them. I've also watched close friends drift pretty close to that. It's what I've started calling "lala mode" because it's like they're putting their fingers in their ears and going "lalala... can't hear you..."
  
  The only thing I can think of to do and the only thing that has really worked for me is avoiding them. Just staying away, although I understand the difficulty of that when you live right next to them. But when someone is in "lala mode" nothing said to them ever registers. It takes a huge shock to slap them out of it.
  
  These people appear to be set in their ways of being spoiled and looking down on others. I hope that you do find a way around them or things get resolved somehow.
• Reply #2 11/04/09  12:50pm
  
  Caribou1
  I like that "lala mode" that's exactly what it's like. I agree with you. I just have to avoid them. Thanks for listening. I wish I could repair the damage that they have done by telling other people about my BP. I don't think it was their business, but if those people are just going to be cruel, then, they aren't worth stressing over either.
• Reply #3 11/04/09  1:44pm
  
  Mitebsyco
  Exactly. If they're going to go ahead and go by what people like that say about a good person, then they're worth the same amount of anything from you. None. Now, some people just haven't been educated and are willing to learn. The ones that aren't willing to learn aren't worth it.
• Reply #4 11/06/09  12:46am
  
  Keleclectic
  Great subject!
  I have not told anyone in the neighborhood but I can tell they are curious about me- maybe suspicious.Part of my husband's family lives across the street and they know. They aslo know better than to use the bipolar as a reason for anything.Ironcially, when there is a problem anywhere, people will usually come to me - even strangers in an urgent situation, but they know better than to go beyond that I am usually polite and pleasant- but I prefer to keep them guessing....lol
  
  Everyone has secret skeleton in their closet, and I mean everyone.Just don't tell people.They don't pay your bills or run your life -they don't need to know.
• Reply #5 11/06/09  1:34am
  
  Mitebsyco
  I agree. It's one of those things that are on a need to know basis. And if people suddenly act different for no reason, they weren't really there for you to begin with.
  
  I had a best friend from grade one that I had always hung around with. In seventh grade, I got shipped off to numerous hospitals throughout the year. I left during the first month and got back during the last month. That best friend suddenly avoided me. I think it was fear.
  
  It sucks how people can react sometime just on the basis of something being unknown to them. But that's human nature.
  
  I tell just about anybody these days. I'm comfortable with it and with myself and that seems to show more to most people.
  
  A sense of humor helps a lot, too.
• Reply #6 11/06/09  6:57am
  
  TudorRose
  I sympathise completely. There's nothing worse than having a bunch of trolls as near neighbours. But, if you are stuck with them nearby, it is better to have one foot a little in their camp than be on the outside looking in, as this puts you at a clear disadvantage. Probably best not to discuss your BP again, if you can help it, because they don't appear to have enough brain cells to understand your situation. I would avoid them as much as possible, but when you are forced to be in their company, just be as nice as pie, and give them polite, non-commital, short answers rather than engage in long conversation. Your husband sounds like he is stuck with the other guy, so perhaps he could try and tail off the relationship a bit. If you can sort of keep them at a longer arm's length, but still be a nice neighbour, they will probably think more neutrally of you and turn their attention to someone else. My next door neighbour recently went into a care home, so I was dreading the new arrivals. They turned out to be an older couple with a cat, and very nice and quiet, so my cat and I are very relieved!
• Reply #7 11/07/09  7:39am
  
  hatshetsup
  They sound like control freaks to me! Life's too short to have people like that in your life upsetting you. I personally would stop babysitting their son on the basis that he is rude and disrespectful, let them find someone else to mind him. Your BP hasn't really got anything to do with this, they're just not very nice neighbours. They sound like the sort of people who push boundaries and see how much they can get away with. Good luck with extracting yourself from the offending objects lol x
• Reply #8 11/07/09  7:53pm
  
  papeaches
  I can see why your neighbors need a babysitter.

A group to share the ups and downs of dealing with bipolar disorder