Discussion Topic
Depression
Posted on 06/08/09, 12:16 am
I'm scared of becoming depressed. My man is in jail until mid july and I have been having negative thoughts and weird dreams. I couldn't figure out my fear but I think it came to me that I am scared of becoming depressed while he is gone. He's been my source of strength and the one who tells me if I'm okay when I don't know or tells me that I'm not okay when I'm not sure. I hate him not being here and am scared. Just plain scared. Feelings of fear are just tearing through me and I feel stupid for even going through this. I am a strong person and have become very well over the last year and a half. But without him hear the fear is piling up again. Like I used to feel it. I used to read the bible and it would help - I know when he gets home I will be okay. I just feel really stupid for feeling this way. I'm also seeing that I must have him under a lot of pressure to take care of me. I wonder if he feels that he's that important to me and that's got to be wrong. I could be hurting him by being this way. I used to get where I just wanted to crawl under the bed and that's how I'm feeling again. I hope as time goes by I will get more used to him being gone and I won't go into a depression that I can't get myself out of. Usually I do get myself out of them really well. But it's because I don't want to hurt him with my unstable moods. So I work really hard at making myself stable so he will keep loving me. I know I am rambling does anyone relate to this at all. Am I being crazy? I wish someone was here with me to tell me I'm okay.
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Reply #1 06/19/09 5:18am
You should not feel stupid for feeling this way, because you are suffering from an illness that produces these symptoms. How can this be your fault? Because it isn't your fault. When you get to this strong point of unhappiness and depression-possible, you really should consider talking to your doc, or counsellor, or even ring a hotline that may be able to soothe your fears. Your man will be free in a matter of weeks, so you will be able to support each other. I hope this all works out ok for you and that you are able to sit down and discuss what makes you tick, so that he will know what to expect and how he can be of help to you. You are probably feeling extremely anxious about his homecoming and this may well be why you are feeling like this at the moment. Take care of yourself my friend. -
Reply #2 06/20/09 9:58pm
It's ok to being feeeling the way you are. And look, you must be under extra stress with your man in jail. I agree with TudorRose's recommendations. And don't wait until your get super depressed before acting because you know, it makes it just that much harder to get help. We are here you you. So stay in touch!
Do you have family & friends that can help you through this time? Ask for their help! Good luck. -
Reply #3 06/21/09 11:49am
Now all our phone call money disappeared because of a check coming into the bank unexpectedly - it's not my fault any more than it is his but this is going to cut our communication off. It's getting harder and I think it's normal but my other friend says im codependent but why do i have to be codependent to miss him so much. i know i am codependent to a point but isn't it normal to be sad when your honey is in jail? -
Reply #4 06/21/09 2:08pm
its SO okay to miss him, its a big burden you carry you miss him u want to be strong for him but ur used to him being strong for you, im sure that u have some amazing qualitys that he loves so much that he doesnt find ur depression a drag, everyone is co-dependant on loved ones our illness doesnt make us more clingy just very grateful for the ones that come into our lives and help take some of the pressure off.Its a shame u lost ur fone calls but its not the end of the world he will be with u soon, and im sure if u are under the bed when he gets home hel crawl under and hug away ur fears, dont feel guilty for being out here while he is there, he has more than a lot of the others hes doing time with, he has someone who loves him to come home to,try to go to ur doctors and get some help, and remember that he loves you, i wish u all the best, he will be home soon, take care -
Reply #5 06/21/09 2:21pm
Thank you for not scolding me for missing him. This site is awesome, meaning the people I hear from. I hope I become an asset to the site as I get to know more about it. I've been a member for about a year now but have just started to hang out here. Thank God it's here, a blessing to me. It's amazing how this helps in support of such things. Thank you all.
love, Mary -
Reply #6 06/21/09 2:24pm
This site makes me feel more secure, something to fill the hole while he's gone. I really appreciate it. It really wards of any depression that I was feeling. He was in a good mood this morning when I talked to him and we have 2 calls left. I will hear from him again on Tuesday. -
Reply #7 06/21/09 6:51pm
im so glad that i checked in before going to bed, its so nice to see the lift in your writing, ur confidence has improved so much since u wrote the first peice, all the best mary, let us know when your man is home! -
Reply #8 06/21/09 7:19pm
Okay! I found a quit smoking group here at DS and it's so cool - they are so nice and uplifting - it's really given me the hope and support I've been so desperately needing and couldn't find until now. I am feeling more hopeful lately. Thank you, Mary -
Reply #9 06/22/09 9:52pm
You're doing fine Mary. Bit by bit you seem to be picking up all the threads and sorting them out. Good for you! Hope you have a lovely chat with your man. -
Reply #10 06/22/09 11:59pm
I've been without a cig for over 9 hours now. I'm trying to keep my OCD from kicking in that's when I fail the worst. I got past the depression hump I think pretty well. But the no smoking and OCD is a trick in itself.
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