Discussion Topic
Tempted to have an "Affair" per se...?!
Posted on 07/15/08, 07:53 am
Okay you guys, this is urgent and a pending issue for me this past week.
I am not high, feeling very healthy, happy, and balanced, surprising cause high time is usually Summer.
Met this young fellow last week, friend of a friend, we golfed together that day, Tom was out of town, 4 of us got together at my house for BBQ and drinks til 1230am, my friends left earlier and "he" stayed awhile longer. Wanted to sit close, give me a massage, we talked and talked.
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is so gorgeous, sweet, works at a real job, has a vehicle....is 27!!! But he is "in", can understand shit when we talk at the same time, the look, etc, huge gentleman etc. 27!! but very mature, said he was single til the next day or so, dating a chic with an 18month old, old high school friends and she is a nurse too!! I don't think she is a RN so there...!
We have talked on the phone regularly since like old friends, Tom knows he was over, we golfed and now he is my "buddy" Tom is of course suspicious because of his last marriage, his wife was getting calls from his bestfriend and after 4 years of marriage they were fucking...
Now, here is my dilemma, I am attracted to him, him to me obviously....he is a sweetheart, has flattered me with "foxy" "doll" "sweetheart" etc. I feel so excited and happy like I did in the 20's romancing days..
Keerstin, my daughter, likes him too, she flirts and they have fun and laugh...told her I was saving and training him for her then she reassured me that he is "17" years older than her and it ain't happening...she was choked when he called her mommy, foxy...too cute.
So I get up for work this am and I have a call from him on my cell!! No message of course...what do I make of this..
I cannot stop thinking of him and I get that butterfly heart feeling when I talk or see him. We have not done anything, except a huge hug good bye that night...
I feel like he is a younger brother and some days I feel like his mother! He is a pot head, smoker and drinker, all the traits I have tried avoiding even though my husband does it all except the pot.
Now, I know I am a sensible, quite attractive, older foxy lady, going to be 42, but why am I falling for this shit again and I am not even high, I think I am thinking realistically.
He had his girlfriend on his friends list on facebook until I asked him if that was her, she has since vanished off his list...I was planning to tell him that she looks like a bitch etc, he knows she is and continues..whatever, don't care, I am not in.
I do want to be friends with him, he knows Tom but Tom can't place him, do I officially introduce him to a guy I would love to do the wild thing with but my morale's are way too high and do not see this ever happening...I would feel so guilty and I vowed that I would never, ever do this to Tom, done to him already in first marriage and my asshole did the same to me..
So, he knows I am married, have a huge wedding ring..etc..when he left that night, he said, if you didn't have that ring..hmmmmm, mm,,,mmmm. How thrilling to hear this from a youngn, attracted to moi!!!
We can talk and he knows that I am off bounds, so what is innocent, hanging out, golfing, the odd hug bye, flirting, laughing more, a beer, a hoot, what??????????
As you can see, I need some positive advice, I need someone to tell me they have been here too and what you did...my plan is not to do anything but....I can see if Tom and I had an argument, I could fall into these arms quite easily without screwing...how bad am I??
I am very happy in my marriage, I love Tom to pieces, we do well with everything we do, I have no reason to stray, never!
Why does this guy make me feel so nice? Tom makes me feel nice too but...this is a little different, perhaps the unknown is what keeps pulling my heart strings...
Hurry, I need help, I know he will be calling after Tom is gone, is this pathetic or what??
Help. Thank you for all your support in advance, have a great day and I am off today, it is lightening and pissn...need to get stuff done, moving to a new, bigger and better home by Aug 1/08, can't wait..
Bye for now.
Love Sue xxxx
I am not high, feeling very healthy, happy, and balanced, surprising cause high time is usually Summer.
Met this young fellow last week, friend of a friend, we golfed together that day, Tom was out of town, 4 of us got together at my house for BBQ and drinks til 1230am, my friends left earlier and "he" stayed awhile longer. Wanted to sit close, give me a massage, we talked and talked.
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is so gorgeous, sweet, works at a real job, has a vehicle....is 27!!! But he is "in", can understand shit when we talk at the same time, the look, etc, huge gentleman etc. 27!! but very mature, said he was single til the next day or so, dating a chic with an 18month old, old high school friends and she is a nurse too!! I don't think she is a RN so there...!
We have talked on the phone regularly since like old friends, Tom knows he was over, we golfed and now he is my "buddy" Tom is of course suspicious because of his last marriage, his wife was getting calls from his bestfriend and after 4 years of marriage they were fucking...
Now, here is my dilemma, I am attracted to him, him to me obviously....he is a sweetheart, has flattered me with "foxy" "doll" "sweetheart" etc. I feel so excited and happy like I did in the 20's romancing days..
Keerstin, my daughter, likes him too, she flirts and they have fun and laugh...told her I was saving and training him for her then she reassured me that he is "17" years older than her and it ain't happening...she was choked when he called her mommy, foxy...too cute.
So I get up for work this am and I have a call from him on my cell!! No message of course...what do I make of this..
I cannot stop thinking of him and I get that butterfly heart feeling when I talk or see him. We have not done anything, except a huge hug good bye that night...
I feel like he is a younger brother and some days I feel like his mother! He is a pot head, smoker and drinker, all the traits I have tried avoiding even though my husband does it all except the pot.
Now, I know I am a sensible, quite attractive, older foxy lady, going to be 42, but why am I falling for this shit again and I am not even high, I think I am thinking realistically.
He had his girlfriend on his friends list on facebook until I asked him if that was her, she has since vanished off his list...I was planning to tell him that she looks like a bitch etc, he knows she is and continues..whatever, don't care, I am not in.
I do want to be friends with him, he knows Tom but Tom can't place him, do I officially introduce him to a guy I would love to do the wild thing with but my morale's are way too high and do not see this ever happening...I would feel so guilty and I vowed that I would never, ever do this to Tom, done to him already in first marriage and my asshole did the same to me..
So, he knows I am married, have a huge wedding ring..etc..when he left that night, he said, if you didn't have that ring..hmmmmm, mm,,,mmmm. How thrilling to hear this from a youngn, attracted to moi!!!
We can talk and he knows that I am off bounds, so what is innocent, hanging out, golfing, the odd hug bye, flirting, laughing more, a beer, a hoot, what??????????
As you can see, I need some positive advice, I need someone to tell me they have been here too and what you did...my plan is not to do anything but....I can see if Tom and I had an argument, I could fall into these arms quite easily without screwing...how bad am I??
I am very happy in my marriage, I love Tom to pieces, we do well with everything we do, I have no reason to stray, never!
Why does this guy make me feel so nice? Tom makes me feel nice too but...this is a little different, perhaps the unknown is what keeps pulling my heart strings...
Hurry, I need help, I know he will be calling after Tom is gone, is this pathetic or what??
Help. Thank you for all your support in advance, have a great day and I am off today, it is lightening and pissn...need to get stuff done, moving to a new, bigger and better home by Aug 1/08, can't wait..
Bye for now.
Love Sue xxxx
-
Reply #11 07/28/08 8:35am
PLEASE dont be upset with me i was just giving you my opinion on this matter. and remeber i did the same thing years ago. so been there done that! dont beat yourself up just stop seeing him. -
Reply #12 07/30/08 6:42am
Thanks ChristinaLynn, no hard feelings at all at my end....turning out to be a really nice girl/boy relationship, I am not lacking anything in my marriage....my husband is an older and very miserable man, negative and hating his job, a business that he has built from 2 trucks to over 20 in 3 years...I hate negative, negative, negative, it is illuminating from his pores...makes me pissed and resentful that he is ruining my "days" I am trying to avoid these feelings but...they exist...I am sensing a major health problem, physical, with him, we see the gp this am and I am going...
My friend Marc is my friend, he is a good listener, funnier, kind and caring and negative about this job too. He and we know where we stand, he is having relationship problems with a girlfriend and his parents, I feel that I am one of the Helpers in his life at this stage of our lives, he helps me too...there is an attraction there but neither of us will pursue as we are currently in messes of our own each...he is a little brother and I a big sister, what a nice feeling, we met through a mutual friend/coworker who completely understands how and why I feel this way....One man at a time....
I will never do anything to jeopardize my present situation and he dare not mess it up too, kwim, we will see if we can make this friendship work without hurting or screwing up....Marc and Tom know of each other, Tom is finally accepting that this kid is "our" friend....but, I still feel so nice when a caring kind voice calls or answers the phone and is happy to hear me and we can talk about anything...long weekend coming up this wkend, can't wait.
Just got off the plane from Ontario at 1230am, should be going to work this am, screw it....plan to stay home til Tues, don't care, need a rest from a restful holiday.
Wish me luck with Tom's appt, he has been in denial since I met him, he is an unhealthy 55 year old man, smoker, alcoholic, stressed, etc man, will see what the dr. comes up with....has a cough +++++, digestive troubles and fatigue, I can diagnose it myself but would this be fair, he won't listen anyway....need your health prayers, do not want to be a widow yet....
Take care and thanks for listening and all of your opinions, keep them coming, need all the help I can get.
Love Sue x xxxxx -
Reply #13 08/03/08 7:22pm
Please be careful. What you are saying is exactly what happened to my husband and that slut. They met at a sports bar during a Packer game. She is 13yrs younger then him. Instant attraction and now 11 months later she is madly in love with him and he says she is his best friend. I dont believe him. I still think its more but whatever. The point being if me and him were ever to work things out his best friend would have to go. You just need to decide what is more important to you. Remember that someone will get hurt. Most likely your husband. Affairs usually dont stay secret. A person can usually feel it in there heart that something is wrong. The night he took her to the hotel I knew something was wrong. I couldnt get a hold of him and even called his best friend. I never call any of his friends. I was so worried about him. Stupid me, shouldnt have been worring about him. Just remember my story, you know it all too well. Youve heard me bitch about it forever. Dont hurt your husband. Your couple months of fun will destroy him forever. It will be worse if he is ill also.
Sorry if I came down on you but this is a sore topic for me. Best of luck whatever you decide!! -
Reply #14 08/13/08 5:53pm
Please don't do it. Imagine how bad it would hurt your husband. Mine caught me on the phone with a guy and It tore him up. I couldnt imagine what it would do to him If I cheated. -
Reply #15 11/29/08 9:56pm
Don't do something you can't live with...
How would you feel if your husband had that kind of a relationship with a 27 year old woman?
Really, you would be pissed, and upset & hurt.
If I were in your shoes I would talk to him 1 last time, long enough to say that the friendship was not going to work out, & wish him a long happy life.
It sounds like you've figured out what you're going to do... good luck.
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