Okay. Here's the deal. There is nothing more exciting than getting this kind of attention; particularly from a young, attractive man. You now understand why men in their forties tend to date younger women. The first thing to do is not beat yourself up for having feelings, albeit lusty feelings, for a guy who gives you this kind of attention.
Now, here's the other deal. This is fleeting. I promise. You could have an affair. Certainly many people have. It would probably be exciting and very, very good sexually. But then one typically has the guilt. And the guilt lasts forever; the orgasms do not. Nor does that fluttery exciting feeling.
As for "hanging out with him as a friend", it could be too dangerous. You have been tempted and your feelings are so strong after just hanging out with him this long. If you continue to hang out with him, the temptation will most certainly grow. And we are only human. That's the thing to remember; we are ONLY HUMAN. At some point, if we put ourselves in situations like this, we will do something that we may regret for a small gratification, in the large scheme of things.
I have had an affair with a married man. Yall don't judge on me. It was wrong, I know it, and I regret it. I wasn't married at the time, but he is. It's over, and I know what I did was wrong. The deal about it is, I have major feelings for him. If he weren't married, we would probably be together. So that may be a bit different, but the bottom line is, no amount of immediate excitement is worth the long-term guilt.
And putting yourself in the line of fire isn't the healthiest thing to do either for you or your sanity.
Also, let's think about this. Some people are okay; some people don't have guilt. I assume that you would because you are experiencing a conscience about your feelings. How do you think this would affect your bipolar disorder? I bet it would send you headfirst into a depression. Totally not worth it.
It's totally okay to recognize your lusty feelings for this guy. It's totally okay to feel excited by the attention. That's normal and human. Acting on it is a different story.
Always weigh the consequences of your behavior when dealing with an immediate gratification issue.
You have options. You can channel that excitement into your marriage with your husband. Notice how you feel when someone is playful with you. Be playful with your husband. Turn those feelings around and use them with your hubby.
Ultimately, it's up to you. We all like excitement, a bit of danger and risk. Sometimes it's okay, like jumping out of a plane. Sometimes, though, if we feel a conscience about it, it's worth a second look at the potential consequences.
If it were me, I would not hang out with this guy, because it sets you up to feel more intense feelings. Sometimes, we just have to say no. but what's cool is you know what it feels like to get that attention, and you can channel it back into your current marriage.
What do you think?
Discussion Topic
Tempted to have an "Affair" per se...?!
Posted on 07/15/08, 07:53 am
Okay you guys, this is urgent and a pending issue for me this past week.
I am not high, feeling very healthy, happy, and balanced, surprising cause high time is usually Summer.
Met this young fellow last week, friend of a friend, we golfed together that day, Tom was out of town, 4 of us got together at my house for BBQ and drinks til 1230am, my friends left earlier and "he" stayed awhile longer. Wanted to sit close, give me a massage, we talked and talked.
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is so gorgeous, sweet, works at a real job, has a vehicle....is 27!!! But he is "in", can understand shit when we talk at the same time, the look, etc, huge gentleman etc. 27!! but very mature, said he was single til the next day or so, dating a chic with an 18month old, old high school friends and she is a nurse too!! I don't think she is a RN so there...!
We have talked on the phone regularly since like old friends, Tom knows he was over, we golfed and now he is my "buddy" Tom is of course suspicious because of his last marriage, his wife was getting calls from his bestfriend and after 4 years of marriage they were fucking...
Now, here is my dilemma, I am attracted to him, him to me obviously....he is a sweetheart, has flattered me with "foxy" "doll" "sweetheart" etc. I feel so excited and happy like I did in the 20's romancing days..
Keerstin, my daughter, likes him too, she flirts and they have fun and laugh...told her I was saving and training him for her then she reassured me that he is "17" years older than her and it ain't happening...she was choked when he called her mommy, foxy...too cute.
So I get up for work this am and I have a call from him on my cell!! No message of course...what do I make of this..
I cannot stop thinking of him and I get that butterfly heart feeling when I talk or see him. We have not done anything, except a huge hug good bye that night...
I feel like he is a younger brother and some days I feel like his mother! He is a pot head, smoker and drinker, all the traits I have tried avoiding even though my husband does it all except the pot.
Now, I know I am a sensible, quite attractive, older foxy lady, going to be 42, but why am I falling for this shit again and I am not even high, I think I am thinking realistically.
He had his girlfriend on his friends list on facebook until I asked him if that was her, she has since vanished off his list...I was planning to tell him that she looks like a bitch etc, he knows she is and continues..whatever, don't care, I am not in.
I do want to be friends with him, he knows Tom but Tom can't place him, do I officially introduce him to a guy I would love to do the wild thing with but my morale's are way too high and do not see this ever happening...I would feel so guilty and I vowed that I would never, ever do this to Tom, done to him already in first marriage and my asshole did the same to me..
So, he knows I am married, have a huge wedding ring..etc..when he left that night, he said, if you didn't have that ring..hmmmmm, mm,,,mmmm. How thrilling to hear this from a youngn, attracted to moi!!!
We can talk and he knows that I am off bounds, so what is innocent, hanging out, golfing, the odd hug bye, flirting, laughing more, a beer, a hoot, what??????????
As you can see, I need some positive advice, I need someone to tell me they have been here too and what you did...my plan is not to do anything but....I can see if Tom and I had an argument, I could fall into these arms quite easily without screwing...how bad am I??
I am very happy in my marriage, I love Tom to pieces, we do well with everything we do, I have no reason to stray, never!
Why does this guy make me feel so nice? Tom makes me feel nice too but...this is a little different, perhaps the unknown is what keeps pulling my heart strings...
Hurry, I need help, I know he will be calling after Tom is gone, is this pathetic or what??
Help. Thank you for all your support in advance, have a great day and I am off today, it is lightening and pissn...need to get stuff done, moving to a new, bigger and better home by Aug 1/08, can't wait..
Bye for now.
Love Sue xxxx
I am not high, feeling very healthy, happy, and balanced, surprising cause high time is usually Summer.
Met this young fellow last week, friend of a friend, we golfed together that day, Tom was out of town, 4 of us got together at my house for BBQ and drinks til 1230am, my friends left earlier and "he" stayed awhile longer. Wanted to sit close, give me a massage, we talked and talked.
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is so gorgeous, sweet, works at a real job, has a vehicle....is 27!!! But he is "in", can understand shit when we talk at the same time, the look, etc, huge gentleman etc. 27!! but very mature, said he was single til the next day or so, dating a chic with an 18month old, old high school friends and she is a nurse too!! I don't think she is a RN so there...!
We have talked on the phone regularly since like old friends, Tom knows he was over, we golfed and now he is my "buddy" Tom is of course suspicious because of his last marriage, his wife was getting calls from his bestfriend and after 4 years of marriage they were fucking...
Now, here is my dilemma, I am attracted to him, him to me obviously....he is a sweetheart, has flattered me with "foxy" "doll" "sweetheart" etc. I feel so excited and happy like I did in the 20's romancing days..
Keerstin, my daughter, likes him too, she flirts and they have fun and laugh...told her I was saving and training him for her then she reassured me that he is "17" years older than her and it ain't happening...she was choked when he called her mommy, foxy...too cute.
So I get up for work this am and I have a call from him on my cell!! No message of course...what do I make of this..
I cannot stop thinking of him and I get that butterfly heart feeling when I talk or see him. We have not done anything, except a huge hug good bye that night...
I feel like he is a younger brother and some days I feel like his mother! He is a pot head, smoker and drinker, all the traits I have tried avoiding even though my husband does it all except the pot.
Now, I know I am a sensible, quite attractive, older foxy lady, going to be 42, but why am I falling for this shit again and I am not even high, I think I am thinking realistically.
He had his girlfriend on his friends list on facebook until I asked him if that was her, she has since vanished off his list...I was planning to tell him that she looks like a bitch etc, he knows she is and continues..whatever, don't care, I am not in.
I do want to be friends with him, he knows Tom but Tom can't place him, do I officially introduce him to a guy I would love to do the wild thing with but my morale's are way too high and do not see this ever happening...I would feel so guilty and I vowed that I would never, ever do this to Tom, done to him already in first marriage and my asshole did the same to me..
So, he knows I am married, have a huge wedding ring..etc..when he left that night, he said, if you didn't have that ring..hmmmmm, mm,,,mmmm. How thrilling to hear this from a youngn, attracted to moi!!!
We can talk and he knows that I am off bounds, so what is innocent, hanging out, golfing, the odd hug bye, flirting, laughing more, a beer, a hoot, what??????????
As you can see, I need some positive advice, I need someone to tell me they have been here too and what you did...my plan is not to do anything but....I can see if Tom and I had an argument, I could fall into these arms quite easily without screwing...how bad am I??
I am very happy in my marriage, I love Tom to pieces, we do well with everything we do, I have no reason to stray, never!
Why does this guy make me feel so nice? Tom makes me feel nice too but...this is a little different, perhaps the unknown is what keeps pulling my heart strings...
Hurry, I need help, I know he will be calling after Tom is gone, is this pathetic or what??
Help. Thank you for all your support in advance, have a great day and I am off today, it is lightening and pissn...need to get stuff done, moving to a new, bigger and better home by Aug 1/08, can't wait..
Bye for now.
Love Sue xxxx
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Reply #1 07/15/08 8:12am
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Reply #2 07/15/08 8:31am
I totally agree, I should just "cut him off from me" you know, but it is not yet there, could, but I am not allowing it, I remind him and told him that Tom is suspicious with him calling me everyday, during the day etc, just to tell me he is "babysitting" Had to cover my ass a couple times but nothing serious, just don't need to cause any shit...
I know the orgasm ain't worth it, they are everywhere and my sex drive and life is perfect....it's ok to fantasize, anyway....I mentioned a threesome to Tom, ha, ha., he assumed another chic, no fucken way!! I already have someone in mind...in mind only, could never bring another asshole to join my bed with my husband...my husband is the best husband in the whole wide world.
So this kid is attractive, yes, he is the same qualities I "chose" when I was high and had immaculate conception with the last pricks, they work when they wanted to, smoke dope always, drank, partied etc... this is not going to happen...I am not in, I have way, way, way too much at stake to fuck up and fuck some kid!
Thank you for the book, so appreciate it and love talking with you, thanks very, very much for your quick response, I know he will be calling soon, cause he knows Tom is gone, sounds bad but he is playing me too!! Oh well, fun times can end when I snap these long beautiful finger nails, ha, ha
Keep in touch, I will update you with my "progress" within a few hours, keep the faith, hey!!
Huger hugs...
Sue xx -
Reply #3 07/15/08 7:32pm
Being regretably the "other woman" at one point in my past...please please please do not get involved with him. It will ruin everything...believe me. -
Reply #4 07/16/08 12:16am
Yeh, maybe,...but there is more too the story, my husband has huge health issues coming up, I would never leave..
My friend told me this aft while we went golfing that he respects and looks up to me, like a big sister....so far so good, my heart just settled... -
Reply #5 07/16/08 11:02am
Good. And you are right; he was playing you too. Not a good combination. Follow your conscience in this one. :-) -
Reply #6 07/16/08 12:33pm
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Reply #7 07/16/08 6:51pm
My husband would leave, he would have to, it's "my" house...I am not going anywhere and neither is he, I am very happy and have made a very nice friend after all the miscommunication.
I don't screw around, never did, never well, this was all just innocent shit, talking and goofing around...
I don't need anybody else...Thanks for your input,
Have a great day. -
Reply #8 07/22/08 10:24pm
enjoy the moment, -
Reply #9 07/23/08 12:13am
He is a fucken kid! Learning slowly that what my eyes see ain't the brains of the child...he needs a huge kick up his ass and to stay the fuck away from me...flattery is fine but, wake up child, I am an old married bag...apparently likes married women, no wonder, doesn't have to grow up...mind you the NEVER do but...kwim
Thanks for all your support, caring and suggestions, way to smart this time around, leave me alone, assholes!! too funny, it was a "moment" for sure, Carpman...take care. -
Reply #10 07/28/08 8:25am
That was your first mistake feeling that way and then going out with guy & creating a bound with him!not a wise choice! but i can understand how this turned in to a real temptation for you. it happend to me one time but i know i had to brake it off! you are an adult and you should now better than to put yourself into this kind of situation. but sometimes we do stupid things but that doesnt mean we are stupid just trying to get are needs met in the wrong way.
talk to your husband. tell him what you need, what you want. you say you have a great marriage so go to him and tell him to make you feel desired and sexy and all that stuff that make us feel desired. wanted, needed&sexy. I know it feels difernt coming from a young hot guy but is that what you really want? those guilt feelings? cuz i know thats what i felt and i dont think that is healthy for a marriage.how would you feel if your hubby did that to you? iknow how i would feel. pissed f'in off! or has he donr it to you and you are just lettin him know how it feels?
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