justthe3ofus

Can't shake this...

Posted on 08/29/09, 06:03 am

Hi All - I'm new here...my spiritual director found your group for me and suggested I join to find some other single Moms out there who may be facing the same challenges I'm facing. I have been divorced for a little over a year now...have a daughter who's 6 and a son who's 4...and they are really terrific. I'd say they are adjusting well and are pretty happy kids. We deal with the typical "Why did you and Daddy get divorced? What did Daddy do to you? I want Daddy to come back home. I want you two to get married again." questions and such. Sometimes the questions are a bit gut wrenching, but I try to bring it down to their level and we get through. However, I cannot shake this sad feeling I have knowing that my kids are hurting because of all of this. I know, as a parent, there are going to be ways (divorce or not) we inevitably see our kids hurting or in pain and whether it's a friend being mean or something such as divorce, it is still painful as a parent. Has anyone else faced this same sadness? If so, how have you coped? Thanks!

• Reply #1 09/02/09  4:44pm
  
  tonedout56
  my kids got use to the fact that i am not with their dad or any other man yours will to as they get older so dont worry about it someday you will find another person to love.
• Reply #2 09/23/09  9:31am
  
  LisR
  I agree with elle, although in my case I was the one trying for him to be in my daughter's life, I did not talked bad about him to her or in front of her. At the moment we dont talk about him, period!! I have a friend, he has always been there for us, but my 4 year old knows he is our friend (no benefits by the way). She has done the "Is so and so my daddy?" and I just had to correct her. But in your case they are a little older and they know, so is a good thing not to talk bad about their dad in front of them because he is still their father. good luck to you!
• Reply #3 09/23/09  9:41am
  
  justthe3ofus
  Thanks everyone for your replies...I completely agree with you about not talking badly about Dad. We do not do that...and I assure my children that both Mom and Dad love them very much. After all Dad does love them, but unfortunately the level of his love may not be enough for them as they grow because he's very self centered and is giving as long as there's something in return there for him. I know the kids are going to have to pave their own relationship with Dad...I don't want my kids to get hurt, but I know I also can't protect them from Dad...I can't make excuses for him anymore. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and maybe I'm feeling some unnecessary self pity here...time to get over it, stop thinking about and analyzing the past...time to move on. Life is too short!
• Reply #4 09/28/09  1:12pm
  
  LisR
  Great thinking!...as for the father and kid relationship, children are more aware of things than we think. Eventually they will realize what is going on and they will be making decisions in regards to it. Good luck, seems you are moving forward to an awesome beginning!! xox
• Reply #5 10/18/09  4:27pm
  
  awesome39
  I guess I will get where you guys are soon. I am just still dealing with so many emotions on so many levels. I don't talk bad about his Dad, but man I wish that I have not married him LOL... I just want to get this divorce over with and move forward.
• Reply #6 10/29/09  6:15pm
  
  justthe3ofus
  awesome39 - how long has it been since you've been going through your divorce? Yes, I wish too at times I wouldn't have married my kid's Father, but I wouldn't have my kids had I not. And I wouldn't have learned as much as I have in these last few years. It's definitely no fun going through it. Many times, just as I got through one thing, the next thing would be thrown right in my face. One thing that has helped me and may help others too, is that each day is a fresh, new day. Just because mistakes were made yesterday, doesn't mean you have to live with that guilt and burden hanging over you the rest of your life. Each day is a new chance to make the present and future better!
• Reply #7 10/30/09  6:44pm
  
  Amunah
  Children that age can be very 'single track mind', so if they keep asking, keep on explaining patiently, just as you have been doing. I split up from my children's father when mine were 5 and 6, and the same thing happened to me: but it will pass, and the calmer and happier YOU are about it, the more reassured they will be.

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