Discussion Topic
HOW do you find the strength when life has beaten you down
Posted on 03/10/09, 06:32 pm
Im having a hard week-month-year-lifetime.im so tired of fighting with life and the stress..i dont have the energy anymore. i dont wana get up, i dont wana leave the house. i feel like the deep depression i fell into internally is pushing its way out and taking over my life. i just dont know how to cope anymore. everyday i wake up i just want to die because i hate the thoguht of going through another day. i feel so selfish because i have my son and he needs me. when hes home i try to keep it together..but i feel like im at the point where i cant even do that anymore. how do i cope when these demons and this pain is beating me down
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Reply #1 03/12/09 10:04am
Do you have a church family? Isolation really tends to feed the feelings you are experiencing. Those feelings aren't reality, Mama. Reality is that God loves you and hurts when you hurt. You can draw strength from your relationship with the Father. Strength can come from family, in whatever form that takes, a group of friends, your immediate family, anyone that loves you. Reach out to someone, tell them how you are feeling. -
Reply #2 04/18/09 7:39am
84Mommy,
I have been going through the same exact feelings lately.
The one thing that has helped me is reaching out, reaching out, reaching out.
I am, through the wonders of the net, finding support groups for people that have the same issues as me, from my background, and creating a safety net in 3d world.
I find that in my own community, we single mothers do tend to be a little more isolated.
So I called my local county United Way, and asked for some sort of direction, which they gave, especially with Big Brothers, Big Sisters, I have an intake on Monday for a Big Brother for my son.
I called the local dept of mental health and asked for direction, which they gave.
I realized that I was coming home cranky each and every day and the LAST thing I want to do is let that affect my son.
So you CAN feel better, you CAN find support.
Hugs -
Reply #3 04/20/09 10:37pm
This is no way to live. If you are not pregnant, I would suggest considering medication. I was depressed for the first time in my life during my third pregnancy, It was hormonal and because I had never experienced it before, I figured it was temporary due to the pregnancy, Some people told me they had first trimester depression as well. I did not take anything for it and it subsided on its own. However, I promised myself if I ever felt that desperate and down again, I would seek medical help right away. To me, there was a notable difference between the ups and downs of life, and especially the hard times of a single mom, and that of total despair and losing pleasure in life such as what happened during my pregnancy. I don't think people who have never experienced real depression can understand it at all. I know I did not understand it before it happened to me...but I thought I did. Anyway, it sounds serious to me and it is NO way to live! Medication has helped my friends and family that suffer from depression. I hope you feeling better by the time you receive this, as it has been a while since you posted. good luck to u.! A brighter tomorrow is coming, I promise!!!!!!!!1 -
Reply #4 04/24/09 3:06pm
I myself take long walk and repeat affirmations. I find it very helpful. I am in a similar situation with you where I work full time and live alone with my two kids. Most of my money goes to there care but I myself believe that once we have children our lives aren't are own. So no matter what we have to make life wonderful for them. -
Reply #5 05/20/09 11:18pm
How are you doing 84Mommy? -
Reply #6 05/25/09 1:34am
Father’s Day is June 21st, and this year, the average American will spend that day gift giving, sharing quality time with their father, and or, enjoying family dinner. Although for some Americans the day will hold no significance. Unfortunately, there are countless of people who have never met their fathers. Luckily, some children do get the luxury of visiting their fathers on the weekend. But honestly, have you ever wondered why we have a designated celebration called Father’s Day? Interestingly enough, there are many reasons why America celebrates Father’s Day. Some believe the day was established because of a young boy in Babylon who prayed to God- in hopes- that his father would have longevity and good health. Other’s equate the day with a woman who found it necessary to celebrate the day commemorating the families of those who were killed in a deadly mine explosion. Reportedly, there were 361 men killed in this explosion. Some were fathers who were even recent immigrants to the United States from Italy. However, it was President Lyndon Johnson who designated the third Sunday of June, in 1966 as the official day for Father’s across America. Then, President Richard Nixon signed the first public bill in 1972 making it a permanent holiday.
There is an estimated 64.3 million fathers across the nation, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. 19% percent of those are single fathers with full custody. 38% percent are fathers who never married, and 11% are fathers to step-children. And despite these statistics, and the numerous reasons why we celebrate Father’s Day, this Father’s Day will be special for me, because I have composed a book titled “You are Phenomenal and True…that’s why I love you dad â€, http://bradleyalmighty.tripod.com
Even though to my father, it will be just another day. But this year, I wanted to do something that would make up for those years I was lost and unable to express what I felt. Like millions around the globe, I will be flooded with emotions and stumbling over my words because I find it hard to voice what I feel when talking with my father.
So instead of giving him some fancy gadget that he will recklessly torment in the process of trying to figure out how to use, I have found it much easier to share my thoughts and love through poetic expressions. Even though for millions of other people expressing love for their father is easy. There are countless of others- particularly men-who lack the ability to express their thoughts, let alone their feelings towards their dad.
Growing up, I was fortunate to have my father living in the house. Although his primary position was enforcing discipline, bringing in the finance, and protecting the house; like many male children, I never built a strong bond with my father. Once I reached the age of thirteen, I was so discombobulated with emotional confusion; the only time I really dealt with my dad was during hours of punishment. And unfortunately, it was those moments that created resentment in me towards him.
Like most male children, it was challenging for me to be the person my father aspired for me to be; just as challenging as it was for him to express his thoughts of love towards me. But when I was a child I didn’t see the bigger picture. Looking back, I now understand his position. I now realize he didn’t have the knowledge on how to build a relationship with me because he didn’t have a relationship with his father.
So here I am, forty-years old, and not much has changed between us. In fact, we have almost completely grown apart. Albeit, I must admit, I played a significant role for this happening. When I was seventeen, I was sent to prison for six years. And while serving my first year in prison, my father brought his other son to visit me, a son whom I had never met, but had heard of from other family members. And even then, when I asked was it true, my father informed me that it was a lie. So, from that day forward, it’s as though the entire relationship shared between he and I was shattered, not on his behalf but mine.
Learning how to accept a brother, who was the same age as I when we met, and who looked exactly like my father; plus, coping with my mental and emotional breakdown which erupted from physical assaults endured while incarcerated, was more than I could handle. So much, upon my release from prison I was unable to reclaim a normal state of mind, and sought comfort in rebuilding old relationships with previous associates. It wasn’t long after, that I was reunited with the corrections system, where I spent another three years.
Upon release from that sentence, rekindling any form of family ties to me was merely impossible.
But today, by the grace of God, I am grateful to have experienced every day spent in prison. When most people find it inhumane, prison helped me gain fortitude. It gave me the opportunity to discover who I was and how to express what I felt. Moreover, I learned how to analyze how other men felt, and how to come to terms with the lack of relationship previously shared with my father. It wasn’t long after my release that I began rebuilding those bridges- years tore apart. And honestly speaking, I believe my experience through all of those years incarcerated allotted me the ability to encourage other men or young males, who too are finding it hard to talk about how they feel with their father, to take time out to develop some form of communication with your father.
Today, many males find it challenging to be who and what society dictates men should be. In many instances, some men find it challenging to live up to the expectations set forth by female counterparts. To women, men are characterized as the provider and disciplinary of the house hold, and most women deem this characteristic to be a prerequisite within the relationship. Sadly enough, many men lack communication skills, and it is selfish to try and force a man to become someone he does not completely understand how to be. This is why I am taking the first step towards rebuilding the relationship between my father and me. No longer will I allow excuses to prevent me from overcoming my childhood insecurities. It is time I begin spearheading towards the pinnacle of compassion. Not merely for my sake but for the benefit of the relationship between my father and me.
So this Father’s Day will be celebrated through the pages of my new book titled Your Love is Phenomenal and True…that’s why I love you dad.
This paragon of creativity is compiled with twenty-three unforgettable poems I believe will warm his heart and bring tears of joy to his eyes. You can review some of them on my website at http://bradleyalmighty.tripod.com
Father’s Day shouldn’t be just another day in June, but one that is celebrated everyday. Even if you do not have a relationship with your father, or even know where your father is, kneel down in prayer and ask God to grant you the strength to overcome your hurt and pain, and pray that God provides the same to your father. Despite the distance and time lost, your father will always be a part of you, because it is his blood that flows through your veins. Without his blood in your body, you could not be who you have become; therefore, always take time out and extend the greatest gift of all…pay homage to your dad and tell him how much you love him.
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Reply #7 05/25/09 1:35am
Its' Father's Day...
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