I have been there - noone but you and the little ones. There is hope! I have 3 kids, my son is the oldest, he is 13 (about to be 14), my daughter is 12 and my youngest daughter is 3.
You will always have times where you feel like you are failing - the 1 thing to remember during those times is - you care, so you arent failing! If you were actually failing at being a mom, you probably wouldnt care as much as you seem to.
I would highly recommend some kind of support group, even if its just a weekly thing like church, or book club, or something. I was raised in a very similar way, although not to the extreme. You can do it yourself was a popular way of life. But, you cant live like that - being shut off from others is not the answer (in my opinion at least). You dont have to have someone be at your side the entire time either though.
The biggest thing I am struggling with now, is that I forgot who I was because I was taking care of the kids, and the family, and the working, that I didnt leave time for me. Now, its harder on me than it ever has been because I have to find out who I am and like myself before I enjoy the kids like I used to.
I guess the biggest thing I want to cover is that you are not alone - every single parent goes through times that seem soooo daunting. But, you will make it through it - and so will the kids. Just take it 1 day at a time, and dont forget to keep some kind of "me" time in there so that you stay true to who you are.
Discussion Topic
Feeling Like Im gonna Brake
Posted on 01/23/09, 10:36 pm
I am a single mom of two boys 4 years old and a one month old. I am in school for a paralegal degree and I recently was laid off from my job due to this messed up economy. I am soo overwhelmed and I feel like I am failing as a mom because Im letting the stress get to me. I am trying my hardest but I dont have a big support system. My friends try to help me but Im the only one with kids and they dont understand the day to day hardships I face and that I ant go out with them everynight. My family is complicated. We are a military raised family and their theory is you need to learn to do it on your own so you can become a stronger woman and somedays I cry myself to sleep because of how hard it is. Should I just suck it up and get over it? I dont know what else to do. I have no one it feels except my kids and I know there all I need and they give me the strength to keep going but what if I fail them? I could not live with myself if I fail. And thats what I feel like Im doing....failing.
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Reply #1 01/26/09 12:52pm
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Reply #2 01/28/09 10:14am
Remember it's hard for people who don't have children to understand the time and sacrifice and responsibility it takes, don't be discouraged it's part of growing up. You may find you won't see your old friends as much but really if they don't enjoy hanging out with you sometiems at your place even with your kids around then you need stronger friends. Also you have never failed your children unless you have given up, being poor is not failure i rpomise you that. -
Reply #3 02/01/09 9:36pm
My daughter was a baby when we were left to our own devices. My parents were 8 hours away but I did talk to my Mum a lot on the phone. I remember crying myself to sleep because I was soooo tired as I was also working full time. Get yourself a budget going of your incomings and outgoings and record everything you spend on this. I found this helped ease the stress of not knowing if I could afford something and I could plan ahead when to buy household items. You're a smart and intelligent lady, you will be ok. This is just a temporary set back.
Do get involved in some kind of volunteer work, like helping at the Kindy, church, or playgroup - something to get you talking to others even if it's just for an hour.
Your friends if they don't have kids as starfish said, they won't understand so get involved with other single Mums and get a network of support happening, but you have to make the first step, but remember, you are allowed to feel this way from time to time because we are human and super mum we are not no matter how hard we try. -
Reply #4 02/24/09 3:31pm
I am a single Mom of 2 Mason-4.5 and Vannah-3. My kids were taken from me because of an abusive relationship. They live with mt Mom who is an undercover alcoholic and my Dad who is terrified of confronting my mom. I recently moved in with them becuase I too was fired on 12/26. My car is about to be taken and so is all my stuff in storage. I was denied un employment and have been desperately searching for a job. I had an interview at Jiffy Lube and they wouldn't even hire me.
I had to get rid of all my friends because they are not good influences on me. I am trying to better my life but it seems like the harder you try the harder the world pushes back at you. One thing I do know is that you can never fail as a mother. I was a fool and I let a man abuse myself and my son but that doesn't make me who I am as a mother. The fact that you are concerned about your kids and you are acknowledging the feelings you have make you an outstanding mom.
Girl, just keep pushing. Tiny bites and baby step you will do it. It is hard to do it alone and if I would have had the strength to reach out like you are when I needed it, I would not have let my situation get the way it did. -
Reply #5 06/07/09 9:53am
I am also a single mom of a 5 year old boy and 6 month old girl. I feel like I'm going to break. Every day I think about how unfair it is that I am in this situation, when my daughter's father has a wonderful life. I am up with her every night, at least twice, and have to arrange daycare pick-ups and weekend babysitters in order to work. I have stopped crying myself to sleep, and at times feel sorry for myself, but push those feelings away and try to stay strong. The hardest part is being strong for the kids. I feel like I should be spending more time with my children, but cannot find enough time in each day. This is how i feel like i am failing as a mom. Sometimes i do not even want to get up to face the day, knowing how many struggles i will have to get through with little help in the day before i can lay my head back down on my pillow.
Lately, I have tried to focus on the many blessings I have, instead of focusing on what I don't have. But believe me, its hard to do, and every day i have to start over and remind myself.
One of my favorite quotes is "Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall" (Confucius)
Whenever we are down, the only way we can go is up from there. And this is a constant reminder each day that I WILL get through it in one way or another.
I am here for you any time. Keep your head up.
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Reply #6 06/16/09 6:52pm
Ladies I just need a sympathetic ear or two and maybe a few words of encouragement?? I have a 5 year old daughter and a 3 year old son. We left my ex husband when my son was still an infant due to insupportability issues and abuse issues. Fast forward a couple years...I thought I'd found my soulmate and after dating for 2 years, was living with a man who seemingly adored me and my children, only to find out from my sweet baby girl that he was molesting both of my babies. The day after I found out I packed everything that would fit in my car and went back "home" to live with my best friend and her family. Present day...CPS and the police finally closed their investigation, and we are still living with my friend and her family. I can't afford my own place nor do I have anything to put in a place if I were to find one, and my kids and I live out of suitcases in 1 room. Daycare is $1300 a month, and I make about $1600 monthly. My car broke down twice and the auto repair place was supposed to take care of the rental car charges since they never fixed it initially. Well today (after already giving the auto repair place $2500) my debit card was charged $1100 and I am in the hole by almost a grand and they refuse to reimburse me. I get no child support, and I have no health insurance for another 3 months. My daughter isn't able to go to counseling because of my work schedule. I have a history of depression and I'm at my breaking point. Everyone says "never ask what else can happen?" but seriously, I'm at that point. I feel so defeated as a person and as a mom and I just want to curl up in bed and cry and stay there. My kids need me desperately, I know, and their behavior just gets worse and worse. No one will help, and I want to acream when people tell me they understand because how can they unless they've been through exactly what I have? How do you go on when EVERYTHING is going wrong at once? Somehow I muddle my way through each day, but I'm on auto-pilot and I'm afraid my auto-pilot is gonna run out of gas...then what? The only support I have here is from my friend which I am truly blessed for, but she has her own family to look after too. I'm refusing to give up, but I fear I'll never rise up above all this. Help, please!
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